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On Purpose with Jay Shetty

Jay & Radhi Talk About Why People Feel the Need to Overshare

Published November 15, 2025
View Show Notes

About This Episode

Jay and Radhi discuss the modern phenomenon of oversharing, especially online, and explore how to decide what to share, with whom, and why. They examine the intentions behind vulnerability, how oversharing can drain energy or create confusion, and how selective, intentional sharing can foster genuine connection and protect personal wellbeing. They also talk about normalizing relationship struggles, the duality of people's lives, and why authenticity doesn't require exposing everything to the public.

Topics Covered

Relationships Personal Development Mental health Boundaries Identity Perspective shift Personal narrative Communication skills Social bonding Content creation

Disclaimer: We provide independent summaries of podcasts and are not affiliated with or endorsed in any way by any podcast or creator. All podcast names and content are the property of their respective owners. The views and opinions expressed within the podcasts belong solely to the original hosts and guests and do not reflect the views or positions of Summapod.

Quick Takeaways

  • Vulnerability is powerful, but sharing should be guided by clear intention-whether to help, connect, or teach-rather than to gain attention or validation.
  • Oversharing can leak emotional and motivational energy, especially when you talk excessively about things that are uncertain or not yet complete.
  • Online spaces can feel safer than close relationships for sharing difficult feelings, which is why some people open up more to strangers or anonymously.
  • Authenticity is not the same as constant public vulnerability; it's sharing the right thing with the right person at the right time.
  • Telling too many people about your plans or problems can create confusion, especially when you receive conflicting advice from those who lack relevant experience.
  • Sharing struggles in relationships can normalize difficult phases and prevent people from feeling like their problems are unique or abnormal.
  • People will often form strong judgments based on very limited glimpses of your life, so it is unrealistic to expect everyone to fully understand you.
  • Being more selective about what you share-even with friends-can increase self-reflection, inner clarity, and emotional peace.

Podcast Notes

Introduction and framing of the oversharing topic

On Purpose episode format with Radhi

Jay welcomes listeners back to the week's episode of On Purpose[3:03]
• He notes they don't have an official name for the segment but jokingly refers to it as "Conversations with Radhi on On Purpose"
Radhi explains the origin of these conversations[3:03]
• She says she and Jay often have deep discussions while driving or traveling, based on things friends tell them or things they've been reading and listening to
• They realized these conversations create more depth between them and can be useful to others, so Jay suggested sharing them as a fourth weekly episode

Stating the topic: oversharing

Jay introduces the theme of oversharing[4:00]
• He asks whether people are oversharing online and with friends, what counts as too much versus just enough, and where and how to share life experiences

Struggles with sharing emotions online

Radhi's conflict about sharing her life on social media

Balancing personality, positivity, and pain online[4:22]
• Radhi says she struggles with online sharing because people want to experience your personality and feel like they know your life, beyond just carefully chosen best moments
• She notes that audiences now also want to see pain, not just highlights
Negative feedback when she shares sadness[5:06]
• Radhi shares that when she posts herself crying, she receives messages like "why are you always sharing that you're sad" or comments implying her life shouldn't be hard
• Some people question why she is upset at all, assuming she has no reason to be sad
Her previous approach of not sharing negativity[5:07]
• Radhi says she used to avoid sharing negative parts of life because she felt there was already enough negativity in the world
• Even if she was feeling low, she preferred to share even a small ounce of happiness so as not to worsen someone else's already bad day
• She believes energy is contagious and didn't want to spread sadness online

Example of a friend oversharing during crisis

Friend going through unexpected, difficult life situation[5:33]
• Radhi describes a friend experiencing one of the most difficult times in her life, in a situation she never expected
• The friend felt something was stuck at the top of her throat and just wanted to burst out and talk about it
Struggle to hold back from sharing with everyone[6:00]
• Even after being advised not to talk about it with everyone, the friend would end up blurting it out when she spent too much time around people
Radhi's view on protecting difficult experiences[6:09]
• Radhi believes it's important to protect things that are uncertain or very difficult, because not everyone has the best desires for you
• She says very few people genuinely have a deep desire for you to be happy
• Oversharing can make a painful situation feel bigger because you are constantly speaking about it, intensifying the pain
• She also mentions a concept from Ayurveda that too much sharing leaks energy from that situation

From highlight reels to vulnerability: how social media norms changed

Jay's overview of how online sharing evolved

Shift from highlights to vulnerability[7:37]
• Jay says early online platforms were for sharing pictures, food, and dances-mainly highlight reels
• As people called out the lack of reality, there was a demand to "see the truth," leading to more vulnerable posts
Vulnerability becoming public and sometimes performative[7:48]
• He notes vulnerability is actually an intimate, personal experience that became very public online
• In his view, vulnerability has sometimes become performative, though not always
Intention and boundaries around sharing[8:06]
• Jay shares vulnerably online when he believes there is a lesson, a guiding moment, or something he has gained that can help others
• He describes having a boundary and a clear way of deciding when and why to be vulnerable

Assessing your reasons for vulnerability

Radhi's criteria for sharing emotional content[8:39]
• Radhi highlights the importance of asking why you are being vulnerable online or posting yourself crying
• She lists possible intentions: helping someone relate or improve (which she calls beautiful), wanting attention, or wanting sympathy
• She says being clear about the source of your vulnerability is a good way to assess whether to share

Research insight on oversharing and empathy

Jay cites Dr. Christopher Han on self-presentation[9:06]
• Jay quotes Dr. Christopher Han: the more people tend to present about themselves, the less sympathy they receive when things go wrong
• He adds that people then assume those individuals brought problems on themselves, and oversharing can lead to judgment instead of empathy, especially online
How Jay chooses where to express deep emotions[9:34]
• He says if he cried online, it would be to help someone or help them feel less alone, not just to vent
• For a pure emotional breakdown, he would call Radhi or close friends, believing his pain would be held best there

Normalizing sadness and documenting all emotions

Radhi's practice of photographing herself crying

Challenging only-happy imagery[11:09]
• Radhi noticed people take many photos of themselves laughing but rarely of themselves crying
• She began collecting photos of herself when upset and encouraged a friend, who didn't feel like posting anything, to send her a picture of herself crying
• That friend now documents every emotion she feels, not just happy ones
Sharing crying photos to normalize real emotions[10:43]
• Radhi posts many pictures of herself crying to normalize showing that you are upset online
• She says it would be "borderline psychotic" to cry and then immediately pose with a big smile, so she wants to make it acceptable not to switch instantly to happiness for the camera
• For her, this is part of creating an open platform where people can be themselves without having to fake a smile

Why people may reveal more online than in person

Jay on anonymous and distant audiences feeling safer

Ben Agger's observation on online disclosure[10:58]
• Jay cites sociologist Ben Agger, who says people often reveal more of their inner feelings, opinions, and sexuality online than in person or over the phone
Why strangers sometimes feel safer than loved ones[11:48]
• Jay suggests it's sometimes easier to be yourself with strangers because close people may question or challenge a side of you they are not used to seeing
• By contrast, strangers online may respond with "I feel the same way, thank you for sharing that," making someone feel heard and seen
• He argues it's not fair to tell people they shouldn't share feelings online, because for some that may be where they actually feel safest

Spiritual and Ayurvedic perspectives on oversharing and energy leakage

Spiritual principle about not sharing plans too early

Monastic teaching on sharing incomplete ideas[12:21]
• Jay shares a spiritual principle from his time in the monastery: when you share something before it's complete, that idea loses 50% of its value
• He explains that sharing too early causes you to lose the energy and discipline needed to carry it through
Premature sharing can substitute for real progress[12:21]
• Jay notes that when you're excited and blurt something out, you may never get around to doing it because you've already enjoyed the validation and "success" of announcing it
• He prefers to build things in private and then launch them publicly, conserving energy for completion rather than talking endlessly
Only sharing with people who can contribute[13:27]
• Jay now shares ideas only with people who can give insight or practically help; if they can't, he likely won't discuss it with them
• He says this approach has helped him significantly in his life

Psychological angle: talking about goals vs doing them

Radhi on accountability vs draining motivation[13:58]
• Radhi acknowledges there's a fine line between telling people goals for accountability and oversharing in ways that reduce motivation
• She relates to the experience of telling everybody everything, then losing the will to reach the goal because she has already mentally enjoyed the success
Brain chemistry when imagining success[14:19]
• Radhi notes that the same hormones or chemicals are released in the brain when you talk about achieving something as when you actually achieve it
• Because the brain "thinks" you've already succeeded, you may feel less motivated to complete the task afterward

Ayurvedic view: oversharing drains your aura

Post she read on oversharing and aura[14:41]
• Radhi mentions an Instagram post titled "Why oversharing drains your aura according to Ayurveda"
• The post said that feeling "off" after a deep share with someone unsafe or online can be your aura and energetic boundary being weakened
How constant talking scatters energy[15:08]
• According to what she read, oversharing sacred parts of yourself with people who haven't earned it or venting too much on social media can weaken energy
• The idea is that every word carries intentionality, and repeated talking makes words lose power and scatters your energy instead of focusing it on resolving the issue
• Radhi says she has noticed that talking about things too much drains her and can also drain the excitement or weight of the situation

Oversharing as a strategy for connection and its downsides

Oversharing to fill social gaps

False closeness through rapid disclosure[16:00]
• Radhi describes how she used to overshare in social situations to fill awkward gaps or silence
• She would reveal unnecessary details to quickly create a sense of closeness, signaling that she's an "open book"
• Motivations she identifies include wanting people to like her, prompting them to be vulnerable back, and making them feel like instant best friends
Importance of timing and readiness in sharing[16:01]
• Radhi emphasizes that if people don't know you well enough or aren't ready for what you're sharing, it's harder for them to receive and hold that information

Too many opinions: group chats and confusion

Oversharing problems with large groups[16:01]
• Jay says that when you tell 30 people in a group chat about who you're dating and ask what to text back, you then have to process 30 different backgrounds and perspectives
• He notes it's no wonder people feel lost and confused when they invite so many voices into one decision

Different platforms, anonymity, and perceptions of oversharing

Named social accounts vs anonymous forums

Reddit and anonymous "oversharing"[17:17]
• Jay points out that on Instagram and TikTok your face and name are attached, whereas on platforms like Reddit people can share anonymously
• He knows people who find anonymous stories about miscarriages, IVF, and breakups on Reddit very helpful because the posters can reveal everything without using their real name
Perceived authenticity from anonymity[17:29]
• Radhi suggests anonymous posts can feel more authentic because the sharer has nothing personal to gain and is not doing it for themselves
• Jay adds that these anonymous sharers can be "totally themselves" as they have nothing to gain, which allows readers to deeply relate

Jay's consumer perspective on oversharing

Seeing bravery rather than excess[18:44]
• Jay says he rarely views posts as oversharing from a consumer perspective
• When he sees someone "opening their heart" online, he finds it inspiring and sees it as bravery, courage, and a big heart
• He believes sharing only truly fulfills the sharer when the intention is to serve, help, support, or share-not to gain attention and validation

Choosing who to tell and how their energy affects you

Effect of other people's reactions on your plans

Radhi asks whether others' energy can affect your life plans[19:27]
• She notes that they don't talk about many wins or even relationship pain points with many people and asks if sharing with the wrong people can affect outcomes
Jay's example of discouraging Radhi by accident[19:38]
• Jay admits that when Radhi messaged him an idea a few months earlier, his first response was "we can't do that right now"
• Radhi asked him to let her share the idea, and he realized he had prematurely shut it down and felt bad about it
• He uses this as proof that someone's energy and response can immediately affect a new idea

Sharing ideas with experienced vs inexperienced people

Discouragement from friends who haven't done it[20:15]
• Jay says if you tell your friends you want to start a YouTube channel, podcast, or write a book, they might respond with skepticism like, "There are a million podcasts already"
• Hearing such comments can make you question whether you should start at all
Encouragement from someone who has done it[21:03]
• He contrasts this with asking an experienced podcaster, who might ask about your genre and help with practical advice like being authentic and staying consistent
• Jay notes that someone who's already done what you want to do is more likely to encourage you, while someone who hasn't is more likely to discourage you
• He concludes that energy from others isn't mystical; their thoughts and words influence your mindset and decisions

Authenticity vs vulnerability and privacy in the digital age

Do people become happier by sharing less?

Radhi asks Jay about keeping his life private[21:29]
• She asks whether his decision to keep much of his life private has brought more peace, clarity, and confidence, or whether it felt lonely or like missing out

Jay's definition of authenticity

Online equation of vulnerability with authenticity[21:53]
• Jay says online culture has started equating vulnerability with authenticity: if you share a lot about your life, you're seen as authentic; if not, you're not
Sharing the right thing with the right person at the right time[22:06]
• Jay defines authenticity as sharing the right thing with the right person at the right time, not just sharing everything with everyone
• He gives an example: if he just learned a family member was ill, he would call them first rather than posting about it online, which he views as the most authentic act
• He argues that not sharing such news on social media is not inauthentic; it's prioritizing the real relationship

Social media as a workplace analogy

You wouldn't overshare to your whole office[23:19]
• Jay compares social media to a workplace and asks whether you'd stand on your desk and tell everyone in the office everything about your life
• He notes you also wouldn't hijack a company Zoom call to broadcast your personal issues, suggesting it's not "normal" behavior
• He argues that not doing this online isn't a lack of authenticity; it's basic context and boundaries

Jay's comfort with layered privacy

Different circles get different levels of sharing[24:15]
• Jay says he feels happy knowing what he shares with Radhi, what he shares with best friends, and what he shares with his mom, versus what he shares online
• He insists he is sharing his truth and heart online, while also keeping some things private between loved ones, which he sees as reality rather than inauthenticity

Radhi's journey with sharing, misunderstanding, and self-reliance

Swinging between privacy and openness

Difficulty finding the middle ground[24:06]
• Radhi says she has gone back and forth between wanting to keep everything private and feeling she should share more so it doesn't look like she's always happy
• She mentions aspects like her grandmother being unwell as examples of things that might not appear on her happy feed
Conclusion about the duality of people's lives[24:06]
• Radhi concludes that no one will ever fully understand the duality in people's lives
• She says even if someone vlogged 24 hours a day and shared every move, you still couldn't know their heart and mind

Sharing less with friends and gaining clarity

Selective sharing in friendships[25:23]
• Radhi shares that she actually doesn't tell her friends very much and is selective about what she discusses and with whom
• She says this has made her much happier and more reflective in her own life
Moving away from outsourcing decisions[26:28]
• Previously, she often outsourced her uncertainty to other people's opinions and made decisions based on them
• Now that she feels more comfortable answering her own questions and solving her own problems, she feels less need to discuss everything with many people

Ongoing struggle with being misunderstood online

Trying to deal with misinterpretation[26:09]
• Radhi says the hardest part for her remains being misunderstood online, and she is continually working on that
• She cycles between sharing and not sharing as she tries to find a balance

Judgment, grace, and limited snapshots on social media

How people's prior opinions color their judgments

Story about a friend disliked by her ex's friends[26:37]
• Radhi tells of a friend whose ex-boyfriend's friends don't like her due to what he has said about her
• She tells her that if people have already decided they want to dislike you, no amount of explaining yourself will change that
• Conversely, if people want to root for you and see the good in you, they'll give you grace and benefit of the doubt
Wish for more grace regardless of sharing style[27:35]
• Radhi imagines how nice it would be if people gave others grace whether they were oversharing or not sharing much at all
• She stresses that everyone experiences duality and depth that others cannot fully know

Jay's movie theater metaphor for social media

Only seeing three minutes of someone's "movie"[27:28]
• Jay compares social media consumption to walking into a movie, watching for three minutes, leaving, and then doing the same with another film
• He says that's how we interact with people's lives online, so we never see the full picture
Big assessments from small information[27:45]
• He notes no one has listened to every episode he has ever recorded, yet people still say things like, "You never talk about purpose"
• He argues you can only truly assess something when you understand it fully, but today we make big assessments based on small amounts of information

Example of public misinterpretation of their relationship

Rumors about them breaking up[29:27]
• Jay recalls a period when people online were saying he and Radhi were never together and might be breaking up or not living together anymore
• He explains that they both travel a lot for work and intentionally spend time apart each year, sometimes with Radhi in London and him in LA, both places they live
• He says that if you don't know them or their relationship, such assessments are completely inaccurate
Choosing not to constantly defend oneself[29:45]
• Jay states he doesn't come out and defend or clarify these things because he doesn't feel it's worth it
• He says he doesn't share anything to get someone to believe he is anything, and he's focused on his intention rather than changing others' minds
• Radhi notes that even when she pushes him to speak up, he feels he doesn't need to, and she admires how at peace he is with that

Sharing relationship struggles to normalize them

Radhi's example of helping a friend in a tough relationship phase

Revealing that many couples struggle[35:23]
• Radhi says a friend was struggling in her relationship, and Radhi listed many people they both know-family and friends-who had gone through very difficult phases
• She included examples like couples going to therapy, being on the verge of breaking up, and spending a year trying to reconnect, including experiences she and Jay have had
• The friend was shocked and said she had no idea any of that was normal, because she saw only rosy pictures
Benefits of honest sharing in close circles[36:01]
• Radhi says this conversation humanized everyone and showed that she doesn't know anyone who hasn't gone through something in their relationship
• She notes that even within close family or friendship groups, people often have no idea others are going through the same challenges
• By sharing, her friend felt more okay about her own situation and realized she wasn't the only one

Cultural tendency to paint rosy pictures

Rosy depictions help no one[36:26]
• Radhi says in their community (and likely others), people often paint rosy pictures of family and partner relationships
• She believes this helps no one, because it makes others feel like the odd one out when they face difficulties
• Being more open about struggles with friends and family has been very useful for her

Jay's intention in sharing relationship challenges publicly

Focusing on challenges to show common humanity[37:15]
• Jay says that in the history of their conversations online, 99% have focused on challenges they've had
• His intention in sharing is to show that no matter how enlightened or perfect someone appears, everyone is in the same boat and struggling
• He chooses to share stressors and difficulties because he believes that's where sharing is most helpful

Real sharing vs false vulnerability

Jay's openness with his friends[37:42]
• Radhi observes that Jay also shares real, sometimes surprising things with his friends, not just publicly, to help them open up
• Jay says he wants friends to know that everyone has the same kinds of emotional expressions and that sharing is also him being honest with himself
Fake vulnerability that doesn't build connection[38:44]
• Radhi notes that we can become covered by fake realities we create to appear okay in front of others
• She points out that you can think you've been vulnerable but actually shared a false version of yourself, leaving without real connection because you didn't share how you truly feel

Caution against judging others from brief glimpses

Judging celebrities from isolated moments

Everyone has slammed a door or stormed out[39:14]
• Radhi says she finds it sad when people post pictures of celebrities fighting or storming out, because almost everyone has had moments of slamming a door or walking out upset
• She mentions having slammed a car door herself after leaving upset
Misreading facial expressions and phone use[39:39]
• Radhi jokes that when she's on her phone concentrating-sometimes just shopping online-Jay will ask if she's okay, and it might look to an outsider like she's fighting with someone
• Jay reiterates that you can't make big assessments or judgments based on small bits of information

Final reflections on healthy sharing and vulnerability

Transferring principles between online and offline sharing

Key questions to ask before you share[40:12]
• Jay says that whether your life is online or offline, the same principles apply: who do you want to share this with, what are you trying to share, and most importantly, why are you sharing it?
• He lists healthy intentions such as making others feel less alone, feeling loved and cared for, helping people through their struggles, and helping yourself
Only you can decide if you're oversharing[40:40]
• Jay emphasizes that no one else can truly tell you if you're oversharing or overexposed; only you can decide that, based on your intention
• He advises not to feel pressured into thinking you must be vulnerable to be authentic
• For him, it's authentic to be vulnerable when you want to be, not to be vulnerable anytime, anyplace, with everyone

Radhi on sharing as part of processing life

Sharing vs holding everything inside[41:06]
• Radhi adds that sharing is similar to expressing emotions: you're not supposed to keep everything inside or let it all live just in your head
• She sees a natural sequence in life of experiencing something, then sharing it; learning something, then sharing it
Humans as community-oriented sharers[41:32]
• Radhi believes humans are built to be in communities, and sharing is a big part of that
• She says a key skill is learning to take what's in your mind and say it out loud, to really grasp the depth or weight of what's inside you

Encouraging thoughtful sharing

Closing encouragement[41:55]
• Radhi ends by saying "keep sharing, people"
• Jay invites listeners to share their comments, ideas, and thoughts in the comment section and jokingly says to "overshare" the episode with others

Lessons Learned

Actionable insights and wisdom you can apply to your business, career, and personal life.

1

Authenticity is not about sharing everything with everyone; it's about sharing the right thing with the right person at the right time, guided by a clear intention rather than by pressure to be visibly vulnerable.

Reflection Questions:

  • • What parts of your life feel appropriate to share with close friends, and what feels better kept within a smaller inner circle?
  • • How might your online and offline sharing change if you defined "authenticity" as intentional, context-aware honesty instead of constant disclosure?
  • • What is one current situation where you can pause and ask yourself why you want to share it before you do?
2

Talking too much about plans or problems-especially before they're resolved-can leak your energy and motivation, making you feel as if you've already had the payoff without doing the work.

Reflection Questions:

  • • Where in your life are you frequently talking about a goal or issue instead of quietly working on it or seeking targeted help?
  • • How could limiting who you tell about a specific goal preserve your focus and drive over the next few months?
  • • What is one project or change you will commit to discussing only with people who can directly help you move it forward?
3

Whose input you invite into your life matters; advice from people who haven't done what you want to do often discourages, while those with relevant experience can offer practical, energizing guidance.

Reflection Questions:

  • • Which current decision are you crowd-sourcing from people who may not have the experience to advise you well?
  • • How might the quality of your decisions improve if you sought feedback only from people who have already achieved what you're aiming for?
  • • What is one important area of your life where you can intentionally upgrade your "advice circle" this month?
4

Selective, honest sharing of struggles-especially in relationships-can normalize difficulty, reduce shame, and help others realize they are not alone in what they're experiencing.

Reflection Questions:

  • • Who in your life might benefit from hearing a truthful story about a struggle you've come through that mirrors what they're facing now?
  • • How could you share a challenging relationship experience in a way that is honest but still respectful of everyone involved?
  • • What is one area of your life where you could replace a "rosy picture" with a more balanced account that might genuinely support someone else?
5

You cannot control how others judge you from limited snapshots, so it is more freeing to focus on your own intention and integrity than to spend your life explaining or defending yourself.

Reflection Questions:

  • • In what situations do you find yourself over-explaining or justifying your choices to people who may never fully understand you?
  • • How might your peace of mind change if you measured yourself by your intentions and actions rather than by others' fragmented perceptions?
  • • What is one narrative about you that you can stop trying to correct in others, and instead redirect that energy toward living your values more deeply?

Episode Summary - Notes by Jordan

Jay & Radhi Talk About Why People Feel the Need to Overshare
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