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On Purpose with Jay Shetty

I Reached a Major Milestone! 8 Life-Changing Lessons I've Learned From Incredible Guests Along the Way

with Tom Holland, Kobe Bryant, Emma Watson, Benny Blanco, Selena Gomez

Published November 26, 2025
View Show Notes

About This Episode

Jay Shetty celebrates reaching 5 million YouTube subscribers for On Purpose by revisiting powerful moments from past conversations with guests including Tom Holland, Kobe Bryant, Emma Watson, Madonna, Benny Blanco, Selena Gomez, and President Biden. The episode highlights lessons on sobriety and addiction, mastering fear, building relationships from wholeness, integrating spirituality with success, cultivating mature love, and coping with loneliness and grief through presence and family support.

Topics Covered

Alcohol addiction and recovery Mental health Personal Development Growth mindset Relationships Romantic relationships Religion and spirituality Grief and loss Loneliness Work ethic

Disclaimer: We provide independent summaries of podcasts and are not affiliated with or endorsed in any way by any podcast or creator. All podcast names and content are the property of their respective owners. The views and opinions expressed within the podcasts belong solely to the original hosts and guests and do not reflect the views or positions of Summapod.

Quick Takeaways

  • Tom Holland describes recognizing his dependence on alcohol, committing to extended sobriety, and discovering profound mental, physical, and social benefits from quitting drinking.
  • Jay Shetty and Tom Holland emphasize the importance of finding healthy replacements for alcohol and building supportive sober communities instead of relying on willpower alone.
  • Kobe Bryant explains how unpacking fear, accepting emotions, and focusing on long-term, incremental growth underpin the mindset behind consistent excellence.
  • Emma Watson shares how building a life that feels whole on its own allows her to choose partners from wanting rather than needing, and how asking hard questions led her to step away from an externally enviable career path.
  • Madonna recounts how spiritual study, yoga, and Kabbalah gave her a deeper sense of purpose beyond fame and success, especially when she became a mother and realized she "knew nothing."
  • Benny Blanco and Selena Gomez illustrate a mature relationship dynamic where boundaries, space, emotional validation, and learning from past mistakes matter more than never arguing.
  • President Biden reflects on how family support helped him survive profound losses and stresses that simply showing up, calling, or listening can significantly ease others' loneliness and grief.
  • Across all clips, Jay Shetty underlines that fulfillment comes from inner alignment, intentional choices, and strong connections, not just external achievement.

Podcast Notes

Milestone introduction and purpose of the episode

Celebrating 5 million subscribers on YouTube

Jay reflects on the unexpected milestone[1:32]
• He says reaching 5 million subscribers on YouTube is a milestone he could never have imagined when On Purpose began.
• He notes the show has featured artists, world leaders, athletes, visionaries, and experts over the years.
Themes from past conversations[1:48]
• He highlights that conversations have revealed how greatness is built, how vulnerability becomes strength, and how love and resilience shape lives.
Purpose of the compilation episode[1:35]
• Jay frames the episode as a celebration of the community and milestone by revisiting significant moments from incredible guests.

Tom Holland on sobriety, addiction, and social identity

Jay's setup of Tom Holland's story

Context of Tom's decision to quit drinking[2:39]
• Jay recalls flying back to London within 24 hours just to interview Tom Holland, underscoring the importance of the conversation.
• He explains Tom shared his personal decision to quit drinking in a world that celebrates alcohol.
Trend of growing sobriety among young people[2:49]
• Jay notes surveys show more young people are choosing sobriety than ever, with many saying they feel healthier and more present.

Tom Holland describes how quitting alcohol started

Dry January reveals a deeper problem[3:35]
• Tom says he didn't abruptly decide to give up drinking; he just did a very boozy December and chose to do dry January.
• During January, all he could think about was having a drink, checking the clock for noon, and waking up thinking about alcohol.
• The intensity of his cravings scared him and made him suspect he had "a little bit of an alcohol thing."
Extending sobriety to test himself[3:59]
• He decided to "punish" himself by staying sober through February so he could prove he didn't have a problem.
• After two months, he was still struggling, feeling unable to be social or go to the pub or dinner without drinking.
• He became genuinely worried that he might have an alcohol problem.
Setting a six-month goal to June 1st[4:25]
• Tom chose his birthday, June 1st, as a target and told himself that if he could do six months without alcohol, he could prove he didn't have a problem.
• By June 1st he says he was the happiest he'd ever been in his life, with better sleep, emotional regulation, and mental clarity.
• He noticed he could handle on-set problems that used to set him off and felt healthier and fitter.

Realizing addiction and changing his relationship to alcohol

Recognizing being "enslaved" to alcohol[4:52]
• Tom questioned why he was so obsessed with having a drink and why he couldn't enjoy events without a few beers.
• He notes stepping away from the rugby community partly because it centered heavily on how much you can drink and getting as drunk as possible.
• He now describes quitting alcohol as the best thing he's ever done and says at a year and a half sober it doesn't even cross his mind.
Finding replacements and supportive friends[5:25]
• Tom says he found non-alcoholic replacements he loves, including a beer with electrolytes and long-lasting carbohydrates that he describes as healthy.
• He emphasizes he's lucky that his friends are supportive and don't pressure him to drink.
• He stresses he doesn't want to tell everyone to get sober, but hopes he can encourage people to drink less.
Owning the label of addiction and using data to see the impact[6:03]
• Tom openly states he was "definitely addicted" to alcohol and isn't shying away from that.
• He suggests that anyone who has a beer every day probably has "a little bit of a problem."
• He bought a sleep-tracking ring and discovered alcohol was severely affecting his sleep, despite working long days, training, and eating healthily.
• After quitting alcohol, he found he could sleep anywhere.

Experiencing social life while sober

Observing drunk behavior from a sober perspective[6:53]
• Tom enjoys nights out sober until the point people get very drunk and intensely affectionate, at which point he happily leaves for bed.
• He likes being fresh on the golf course at 8 a.m. while his friends are struggling after drinking.
Advice for people who want to cut back or quit[6:47]
• Tom says in this particular stretch he did not fall back into drinking, though he had done so in earlier periods of life.
• He explains he changed his mindset by asking why he drank and realizing it was often to feel more comfortable socially.
• Initially he avoided social settings but then forced himself to go to clubs, bars, and dinners sober, believing he couldn't stay home forever.
• He focused on finding replacements and realized much of his habit was about the ritual of cracking something open and sharing it with friends, whether sparkling water or non-alcoholic beer.
Role of support systems[10:16]
• Tom credits his friend Jack, who doesn't drink, and his brother, who travels with him, as a crucial support system.
• He says he set his mind to sobriety and once he felt the health benefits and more fully himself, he saw it as "the best."

Jay Shetty shares his own long-term sobriety and social fears

Jay's worry about fitting in without alcohol[10:40]
• Jay reveals he hasn't drunk for 17 years and describes it as one of the best feelings in the world.
• He recalls being known as the "life of the party" and worrying how he'd hang out with friends and colleagues after quitting.
• In the corporate world, he feared missing networking opportunities when others went for drinks but found he could still attend and just order water or soda.
Discovering deeper, sober-based confidence[11:16]
• Jay noticed that not relying on drinking forced him to lean on his authentic qualities and skills, which were actually stronger foundations for connection and respect.
• He realized colleagues did not penalize him for not drinking; he still got promotions and opportunities.

Community and examples in sobriety

Finding others who are sober[12:08]
• Tom says he's often surprised by how many admired actors, producers, and directors also don't drink and have long periods of sobriety.
• He describes having insightful conversations with people like Jay about their reasons for quitting and enjoying being part of that community.
Jay's concept of "higher taste" and replacements[16:41]
• Jay shares a concept from his monk life that you can't give up a lower taste without adding a higher taste, emphasizing the need for replacements when removing alcohol.
• He notes Tom's use of alternatives as "half the battle" because otherwise people revert to old habits.
Importance of honest conversations and community[17:11]
• Jay highlights the value of talking to people who are one, ten, or twenty years ahead in sobriety and willing to be honest about weak moments.
• He suggests such communities can make a massive difference for anyone struggling with addiction or overuse.

Jay's takeaway from Tom's story

Strength in making unconventional protective choices[17:30]
• Jay summarizes that Tom's honesty shows strength doesn't come from fitting in but from making choices that protect one's peace.
• He generalizes this beyond alcohol to overworking or any habit that no longer serves someone, framing letting go as an act of bravery.

Kobe Bryant on fear, emotion, and long-term mastery

Jay introduces his interview with Kobe Bryant

Context and timing of the conversation[17:41]
• Jay recalls interviewing Kobe just a few months before Kobe's tragic passing with his daughter.
• He frames Kobe's mindset for excellence as the "mamba mentality" rooted in obsession, discipline, and daily showing up.
Research on mastery and consistency[18:18]
• Jay notes psychologists studying mastery find that consistent deliberate practice is the strongest predictor of peak performance.
• He emphasizes that talent is valuable but rarely enough without the consistency Kobe exemplified.

Kobe on managing emotions and fear

Being still and accepting emotions[18:47]
• Kobe says he tries to be still and understand that emotions come and go.
• He believes the important thing is to accept and embrace all emotions so you can choose what to do with them instead of being controlled by them.
Facing fear instead of denying it[19:20]
• Kobe describes how players, including himself when younger, are consumed by fear and think it's wrong to feel it, which only makes it grow.
• He advocates stepping back and admitting "I am nervous" or "I am fearful" and then unpacking what exactly you are afraid of.

Unpacking fear of failure and public judgment

Breaking down fear of missing game-winning shots[19:54]
• Kobe uses game-winning free throws as an example: people fear missing, being embarrassed in front of thousands or millions, and others talking badly about them.
• He questions whether those feared outcomes are even important, reframing them as mostly mental constructs.
• He notes players worry about letting teammates down but points out they've surely let them down in practice before and the team is still there.
Seeing fear as imagination[20:36]
• Kobe concludes that once fear is unpacked, it becomes clear that much of it is just imagination running its course.
• Jay reinforces that people should unpack their fears rather than accept their first surface-level answer.

Getting over yourself and embracing the process

Learning from both makes and misses[21:19]
• Kobe says he learned through trial and error: making a game-winning shot feels great, missing one feels miserable, and then you play again the next day.
• He emphasizes recognizing life's cyclical nature, with good and bad days constantly following each other.
Focusing on evolution rather than results[21:36]
• Kobe argues it's better to maintain an even keel and see life as a journey of daily evolution and constant improvement.
• He says results don't really matter; what matters is the process of figuring things out.
• Jay contrasts this with people becoming obsessed with outputs instead of inputs and experimentation.

Long-term thinking and development from a disadvantaged starting point

Kobe's childhood in Italy and return to the US[23:09]
• Kobe shares that when he moved to Italy he didn't speak Italian and had no friends, and sports like basketball and soccer helped him build connections.
• When he returned to the United States, he wasn't the most athletic kid, was very skinny, had knee issues, and wore high socks and big knee pads.
Needing a long-term strategy to catch up[23:38]
• Kobe recalls competing against 12-year-olds with beards doing windmill dunks while he was just happy to tap the backboard.
• Because he refused to give up the game, he planned incremental yearly goals-improving one area each year and patiently catching up over time.

Jay's takeaway from Kobe's mindset

Greatness as a product of discipline and consistency[24:11]
• Jay summarizes that Kobe taught greatness is not an accident but built through discipline, consistency, and going further than most are willing to go.

Emma Watson on wholeness, needs, and hard questions

Jay introduces Emma Watson's perspective on relationships and self-knowledge

Choosing from wholeness instead of need[27:40]
• Jay says Emma used to choose relationships from uncertainty but now seeks love from peace and self-knowledge.
• He notes her focus on building relationships from wholeness, not need.
Asking difficult inner questions[28:01]
• Jay highlights questions Emma raises like "Am I really happy?" and "Am I aligned with my values?" as tools to push beyond appearances toward truth.

Conversation about love, needs, and honesty

Jay's agreement with his wife about ending love honestly[28:04]
• Jay shares that he has told his wife that if she ever falls out of love with him, he wants her to tell him because he doesn't want to live a day without love.
• He says he is confident he is worthy of love and doesn't wish to stay in a relationship for any reason other than genuine love.
• He believes it's a greater risk to spend ten extra years with someone only to learn they didn't love you for the last five or ten years.
Emma on wanting versus needing a partner[29:12]
• Emma quotes her mother saying you want to be with someone because you want them, not because you need them.
• She says if she had married younger, she might have chosen someone from not knowing who she was and would have needed them rather than wanted them.
• She now feels she has a life that is whole and complete, so she would choose a partner from a place of want, not need.
• Emma believes she was not that woman five years ago, implying growth and increased self-knowledge.

Knowing your baseline of happiness and satisfaction

Peace and satisfaction as a reference point[30:52]
• Emma and Jay discuss the importance of knowing what peace and feeling satisfied with oneself feels like.
• Emma notes that once you know your baseline happy or satisfied, you can see how relationships shift you above or below that baseline.
• Jay adds that knowing this baseline isn't about being complete or having everything figured out, but understanding where your personal center lies.

Emma's hardest questions to herself

Questioning whether the dream life is truly happy[31:26]
• Emma says a hard question was asking herself, despite having a life and career that looked like the dream, whether she was really healthy and happy and whether it was what she really wanted.
• Admitting she wasn't happy and it wasn't what she wanted was one of the scariest things she has ever done.
• She describes walking away from something the world viewed as high value without knowing what she was walking toward, calling it a moment of reckoning.
Living her truth despite confusion from others[32:44]
• Emma says she had to ask if she could tell herself the truth and live with it, knowing that for many people her truth would be confusing and unpalatable.
Aligning actions with values and integrity[33:13]
• More recently, Emma has asked herself whether she is truly living her values and whether her actions match what she preaches.
• She realized there were areas, such as sustainability and caring about the planet, where she wasn't doing as much as she felt she should by her own standards.
• She decided to create urgency and deadlines so she could be a person of integrity and now feels she has time to ask, "What are you going to do about it?"

Jay's takeaway from Emma's honesty

Real love and alignment with values[33:44]
• Jay concludes that real love begins with knowing yourself and being complete on your own so you can choose someone because you want them, not need them.
• He also notes fulfillment comes from having the courage to ask hard questions, walk away from what looks good but feels wrong, and realign with one's deepest values.

Madonna on spirituality, purpose, and success

Jay introduces Madonna's spiritual journey

Spirituality as her true foundation[34:14]
• Jay says what struck him most about Madonna was not her ambition or longevity but her devotion to spirituality.
• He explains that even amid fame and success, she felt a void and was sustained by rituals that gave her peace and purpose.
• He notes her practices included yoga, Sanskrit study, and Kabbalah, which became a compass for her and her daughter.

Madonna's early search for answers

Studying and seeking despite outward success[34:57]
• Madonna says an important ritual was making time each week to study, whether the Bible, Kahil Gibran's poetry, or the Vedas.
• She admits that before discovering Kabbalah she was looking for answers even though she had what people assume brings happiness: a successful career, fame, fortune, and material things.
• Despite those achievements, she says she wasn't happy.

Influence of a Buddhist roommate and early yoga practice

Observing calm in a Buddhist roommate[35:44]
• As a dancer, Madonna had a Buddhist roommate who chanted daily and seemed unbothered by things that upset Madonna.
• She attributes the roommate's confidence and sense that everything happened for a reason to her spiritual life, though that particular path didn't speak to Madonna.
Learning yoga and the deeper meaning of practice[36:44]
• Madonna began practicing Ashtanga yoga with teacher Eddie Stern, initially becoming competitive about progressing through series.
• She noticed some people in the studio only sat, lit candles, or prayed before a statue of Ganesh instead of doing poses.
• Eddie told her that if she was breathing she was practicing yoga, helping her see she was too focused on the physical poses.
• He explained the poses are tools to breathe through, calm the nervous system, and bring one back to center.

Desire and detachment, Sanskrit, and grounding

Understanding desire and detachment[37:51]
• Madonna recalls a painting in the studio saying "desire and detachment" and Eddie explaining that wanting life's pleasures is fine, but attachment to them causes suffering when they are absent.
Effects of Sanskrit study[38:17]
• She studied Sanskrit and learned that the vibrations of the letters could calm the nervous system and root a person firmly on the earth.

Motherhood as a catalyst for deeper spiritual commitment

Realizing responsibility when pregnant[38:36]
• While pregnant with her oldest daughter Lola and living in LA, Madonna realized she would be responsible for another human being and asked herself what she was going to teach her.
• She describes herself at that time as like a meteor with strong survival instincts and ambition but not truly spiritual or conscious.
• She says that when she was pregnant she recognized she "knew nothing" and felt like a slave or victim to others' opinions, lacking deep confidence despite appearing brave and audacious.

Discovering Kabbalah and redefining purpose

Being invited to a Kabbalah class[40:39]
• At a dinner party, a costume designer friend invited Madonna to a class about Kabbalah next to a synagogue.
• The friend said the teacher was Jewish but the philosophy wasn't about being Jewish; it was a way of looking at life that might help Madonna.
• Madonna, who loves being a student, agreed to go and met her teacher there.
Impact of Kabbalah on her sense of purpose[41:23]
• She says she sat in the back of class for years, mostly among men, and felt that everything the teacher said made sense and gave her courage to be who she is meant to be.
• Kabbalah made her think about intention and real purpose, beyond goals like being rich, famous, popular, or selling records.
• She states that motherhood and being a parent prompted questions she should have asked sooner but hadn't because she was caught up in herself.

Madonna and Jay compare spiritual trajectories and success

Jay's parallel experience finding monks[42:54]
• Jay shares that friends invited him to hear a monk speak when he was 18 or 19, exposing him to spirituality while he was otherwise experimenting like many at that age.
• He says meeting the monks gave him a life compass that changed his trajectory and that he still studies with the same teachers nearly 20 years later.
Reconciling spirituality and ambition[44:13]
• Jay asks Madonna how she reconciled spiritual calling with secular ambition, given that many people assume spirituality and success don't go together.
• Madonna calls that assumption absurd and says one needs to be spiritual to be successful, defining success as having a spiritual life.
• She insists spirituality is not about religion and that everyone must find a path that resonates, but she believes it's important to have one.
• She tells Jay she dares say that without a spiritual path he wouldn't be as successful in his work, marriage, friendships, and relationships.
• She notes spirituality has "a bad rap" but asserts one can absolutely have a spiritual life and be successful, saying she wouldn't be where she is without it.

Jay's takeaway from Madonna's story

Inner grounding as the foundation of resilience[45:30]
• Jay summarizes that Madonna's story shows success without inner grounding can feel empty, and that spirituality is the foundation, not separate from success.

Benny Blanco and Selena Gomez on mature love and conflict navigation

Jay introduces their relationship dynamic

Maturity and playfulness in their love[48:12]
• Jay notes their relationship is not just playful but mature, highlighting how they handle conflict, take space, and return with honesty and respect.
• He references research showing lasting couples are not those who never argue but those who keep respect and practice repair.

Using space and boundaries in conflict

Communicating irritation and timeouts[48:49]
• Benny describes how Selena will say she feels irritated and needs about 25 minutes, and he respects that space.
• He notes she often texts him back after five minutes asking him to return, illustrating flexibility and safety in their dynamic.
Balancing independence and closeness[49:35]
• Benny says they are both highly independent but also "mushes" who like to be attached, wanting simply to know the other is in the house so they can exchange affection and then return to their activities.

Mutual inspiration and complementary strengths

Valuing drive and passion over money[49:53]
• Benny shares that on his list for a partner, he most wanted someone driven and inspired by something they do every day, regardless of income.
• He describes being genuinely excited by hearing Selena talk about her day and feeling inspired by her enthusiasm.
Helping each other with decisions[50:31]
• Benny says they workshop conversations and situations together, and often one will handle something the other finds difficult because their personalities and strengths complement each other.

Distinguishing maturity from perfection

Jay's framing of mature conflict[51:05]
• Jay emphasizes there is a big difference between maturity and perfection: maturity includes taking space, expressing needs, and coming back without "I told you so" attitudes.
• He shares that he and his wife made a rule never to raise their voices because he wanted their home to feel like a warm hug.
• He admits it took time to understand that his wife's desire for space during conflict meant she cared and needed time to process, rather than that she didn't care.

Avoiding hostility and "winning" arguments

Benny's experience with parental conflict[52:35]
• Benny recalls growing up in a home where there was a lot of yelling and feeling his parents weren't speaking the same "language" in communication.
• He says when someone comes at you hostile, both he and Selena are likely to shut down, so yelling is counterproductive.
Rejecting the need to win arguments[54:11]
• Benny criticizes the impulse to "win" arguments, noting that making your partner cry and feel resentful is not a real victory.

Selena's growth from reactivity to respect

Taking time alone to heal and learn[54:11]
• Selena says she was very reactive in past relationships and believes that's one reason she was alone for five years-to collect herself and learn.
• She tells Benny that ten years ago she wouldn't have been in the right headspace and he didn't deserve what she had gone through previously.
Respect, trust, and non-disrespect[55:21]
• Selena says she respects and trusts Benny and can tell him anything, including things some might only share with girlfriends.
• She states she can never picture herself disrespecting him and that his validation helps her shift away from anger.

De-escalation strategies and emotional validation

Guiding emotions instead of escalating[56:17]
• Benny likens himself to guiding a missile rather than adding a jet pack when he sees Selena getting upset, aiming to prevent escalation.
• He explains he uses tools he knows work for her to calm situations rather than exacerbate them.
Role of physical touch and listening[56:04]
• Benny notes that physical touch, like holding hands or hugging during tough conversations, can help de-escalate conflict.
• He suggests letting a partner talk out their frustration first and then responding with one's perspective.
Allowing space to feel frustrated[57:34]
• Benny shares that sometimes Selena explicitly says she knows things will be okay but wants to feel frustrated in the moment, and he acknowledges that right.

Jay's framework: listening, fixing, or journeying together

Clarifying what support is needed[58:38]
• Jay says he asks his wife whether she wants him to listen, fix the problem, or just go through it with her, because people often don't want immediate fixing.
• He and Benny agree that strong, high-responsibility women like their partners have few places to be vulnerable, so sometimes they just need a safe space to vent.

Jay's takeaway from Benny and Selena

Love built on repair and choice[1:00:10]
• Jay concludes that love is less about avoiding conflict and more about how couples navigate it through space, listening, validating feelings, and choosing each other repeatedly.

President Biden on loneliness, grief, and presence

Jay introduces the conversation with President Biden

Honoring the opportunity and themes discussed[1:00:22]
• Jay calls it the honor of a lifetime to be invited to the White House to interview a sitting president.
• He says their conversation turned to loneliness, grief, and the role of family, focusing on how small gestures can ease anxiety.

President Biden on youth loneliness and simply showing up

Increased anxiety and loneliness among young people[1:00:40]
• Biden believes there is more anxiety and loneliness among young people today than there has been in a long time.
• He references Admiral McMurphy telling him statistics about young people feeling lonely and alone.
Importance of touching and showing up[1:01:04]
• Biden says that sometimes just touching, just showing up, makes a difference for someone who is struggling.
• He recalls his deceased son Beau telling him he didn't have time to make certain calls or visits, but Biden would still get on a plane to go home when someone had a serious loss.
• After Beau died, hundreds of people told Biden how Beau had called or shown up for them, illustrating the power of presence.
• Biden notes people had shown up for him in his own times of loss, reinforcing how much it matters.

Coping with devastating personal losses

Family support after fatal accidents[1:02:15]
• Biden acknowledges he has endured tragic losses, including his first wife and daughter in a car accident and his son Beau's death.
• He says he had an overwhelming advantage: a very close family who were there for him.
• After the accident in which his wife and daughter were killed and his sons were badly injured, his sister and her husband moved into his home to help raise the kids.
• His brother turned the loft of a barn on the property into an apartment so he could be nearby, illustrating extended-family support.

The power of reaching out in others' grief

Being present at wakes and funerals[1:03:58]
• As a long-time senator from a small state, Biden says he knew many constituents and would attend wakes and funerals no matter what was happening.
• He observed that people who knew he had experienced loss would often stop, hug him, and take solace in knowing he understood their pain.
• He believes it matters greatly to reach out and let people know you see them, even if it isn't easy.

Allowing oneself to receive help and emphasizing family presence

Upbringing that prioritized listening to children[1:04:38]
• Biden says he grew up in a family where his father said "family is the beginning, middle and end."
• There was an unwritten rule: whenever a child wanted to speak about a problem, parents would stop whatever they were doing and listen.
• He replicated this with his own children and says they do the same with theirs, so children know they are the most important thing in their parents' lives.
Daily contact with grandchildren[1:05:13]
• Biden mentions having seven grandchildren, five of whom are old enough to talk on the phone.
• He says he either texts or calls them every day so they know he is there for them.
• During the campaign, his oldest grandchildren noted in an interview that he calls them every day, and the phone rang from him while they were speaking, illustrating his consistency.

Jay's takeaway from President Biden's reflections

Presence as a key element of resilience[1:05:55]
• Jay notes that research shows social support is one of the strongest predictors of resilience in the face of trauma.
• He summarizes that helping doesn't require perfect words or solutions; it can simply require presence, reaching out, showing up, and listening so people know they matter.

Closing gratitude and vision for the future of On Purpose

Thanking the community and looking ahead

Acknowledging the collective journey[1:06:22]
• Jay says these conversations are just a glimpse of what the community has built together over 5 million subscribers.
• He reiterates that On Purpose is about living, learning, and growing together.
Expressing gratitude and anticipation[1:06:34]
• Jay thanks listeners and viewers for being part of the community and for carrying the lessons into their own lives.
• He says he is incredibly grateful and "can't wait for the next 5 million."

Lessons Learned

Actionable insights and wisdom you can apply to your business, career, and personal life.

1

You can only sustainably let go of a harmful habit when you replace it with healthier rituals, supportive communities, and a new mindset about why you were drawn to it in the first place.

Reflection Questions:

  • • What current habit in my life feels like it's no longer serving me, and what need or feeling am I actually trying to satisfy through it?
  • • How could I experiment this month with specific, healthier replacements that offer a similar sense of comfort, ritual, or connection?
  • • Who could I reach out to in the next week who is a few steps ahead of me on this change and might be willing to share their experience?
2

Fear loses much of its power when you slow down, name it clearly, and unpack the chain of imagined consequences instead of accepting your first emotional reaction.

Reflection Questions:

  • • What is one fear that keeps showing up for me, and if I followed it step by step, what am I actually afraid will happen at the end?
  • • How might my decisions change if I viewed fear as imagination running its course rather than as an unquestionable signal to stop?
  • • What specific situation this week could I pause in, write down what I'm afraid of, and then methodically test which parts are real versus imagined?
3

Building a life that feels whole on its own allows you to enter relationships and careers from a place of wanting rather than needing, making it easier to ask hard questions and walk away from misalignment.

Reflection Questions:

  • • In what areas of my life right now am I staying because I'm afraid of not having them, rather than because they genuinely add to my baseline of peace and satisfaction?
  • • How would my choices around relationships or work shift if I believed I could be fundamentally okay and "enough" on my own?
  • • What is one honest, uncomfortable question I've been avoiding about my current path, and when will I carve out time to sit with it and write down the real answer?
4

Spiritual or inner grounding is not a luxury separate from ambition-it can be the compass that keeps success from feeling empty and guides how you handle responsibility, family, and impact.

Reflection Questions:

  • • Where in my life have I achieved something that looked impressive from the outside but felt hollow or unstable on the inside?
  • • How might regular practices of reflection, study, or contemplation change the way I pursue my goals over the next year?
  • • What simple weekly practice could I adopt starting this week that would help me reconnect with a deeper sense of purpose beyond metrics and accolades?
5

Lasting relationships depend less on avoiding conflict and more on how you set boundaries, de-escalate, validate emotions, and repair-choosing understanding over the need to "win."

Reflection Questions:

  • • When I feel triggered in close relationships, what is my default reaction-pursuing, withdrawing, or trying to win-and how is that working for me?
  • • How could I experiment with asking my partner or a close friend whether they want listening, problem-solving, or simply company before I respond?
  • • What one de-escalation habit-such as taking a timed pause, using gentle touch, or naming my own emotion-can I commit to trying in our next tense moment?
6

In times of loneliness and grief, the most powerful support often comes from simple, consistent presence-showing up, calling, and listening so people feel seen and not alone.

Reflection Questions:

  • • Who in my life might be going through something difficult right now, even if they haven't explicitly said so, and how could I gently check in on them?
  • • How has it felt in the past when someone showed up for me without trying to fix everything, and what does that teach me about how to support others?
  • • What small, repeatable habit-like a daily or weekly message to family or friends-could I start this week to strengthen my circle of mutual support?

Episode Summary - Notes by Peyton

I Reached a Major Milestone! 8 Life-Changing Lessons I've Learned From Incredible Guests Along the Way
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