How to Speak Clearly & With Confidence | Matt Abrahams

with Matt Abrahams

Published November 17, 2025
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About This Episode

Andrew Huberman interviews communication expert Matt Abrahams from Stanford Graduate School of Business about how to improve speaking and communication in public, online, and one-on-one contexts. They discuss why public speaking anxiety is so common, how to communicate more authentically, how to prepare and structure messages, and how to practice spontaneous speaking without memorizing scripts. The conversation includes specific tools for managing anxiety, reducing filler words, handling interruptions, using stories effectively, engaging different audiences, and building long-term communication skills through reflection and feedback.

Topics Covered

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Quick Takeaways

  • Memorizing speeches increases cognitive load and makes blanking out more likely; it's better to have a clear structure and key points than a word-for-word script.
  • Authentic communication starts with introspection about what you value and stand for, then translating that into clear, audience-relevant messages.
  • Most communication anxiety comes from perceived threats to social status and excessive self-monitoring; reducing self-judgment and focusing on connection improves performance.
  • Simple improv-style drills, like renaming objects or talking about random words, can train you to be more spontaneous and less stuck in rigid mental patterns.
  • Effective communication requires understanding your audience, setting a clear goal (what they should know, feel, and do), and organizing content into simple, logical structures.
  • Systematic reflection and feedback-such as daily notes on what went well and what didn't-are powerful tools for steadily improving communication skills.
  • Movement and body language can both regulate anxiety and signal transitions or emphasis; standing still on key points and moving on transitions helps audiences follow.
  • Small talk and drawing out quiet people work best when you lead with genuine curiosity, ask questions, and then invite elaboration with prompts like "tell me more".
  • Sleep, breathing tools (especially long exhalations), and brief non-sleep deep rest practices can reduce pre-talk anxiety and help you be calm yet alert on stage.
  • Filler words are not inherently bad, but landing phrases (finishing sentences out of breath, then inhaling before speaking again) can greatly reduce distracting ums and uhs.

Podcast Notes

Cold open: handling poor communicators and memorized speeches

Draw out quiet or poor communicators by leading with questions

Ask about what matters to the other person and then give them space[0:50]
Matt suggests getting people talking about something important to them or connected to your shared goal, then prompting further with phrases like "tell me more".
Matt describes his mother-in-law as having a "black belt" in small talk[0:54]
She would arrive from flights having made several new friends, largely by asking questions and then encouraging others to elaborate with "tell me more".

Why memorizing speeches is discouraged

Memorization increases cognitive burden and self-comparison[0:24]
Matt says memorizing creates a "right way" to say something, so you constantly compare your live delivery to the ideal version, burning cognitive bandwidth.
Prefer roadmaps and note cards over full memorization[0:23]
He recommends having a structure and some familiar ideas and, if necessary, reading specific words or data from a note card rather than memorizing everything.

Podcast introduction and framing fear of public speaking

Host and podcast introduction

Andrew introduces the Huberman Lab Podcast and himself[1:32]
He states the show discusses science and science-based tools for everyday life, and identifies himself as a professor of neurobiology and ophthalmology at Stanford School of Medicine.

Guest introduction and episode focus

Matt Abrahams is introduced as a communication expert[2:52]
Andrew describes Matt as from Stanford Graduate School of Business and an expert in speaking and communication on stage, online, and in-person.
Overview of topics to be covered[2:39]
They will discuss eliminating "ums", handling stage fright, practicing clearer speech, remembering facts, synthesizing information, and communicating authentically.

Evolutionary basis of fear of public speaking

Status in small groups used to determine access to resources[4:15]
Matt notes human groups were about 150 people; status determined access to food, shelter, and reproduction, so losing status was dangerous.
Modern status threats trigger ancient anxiety mechanisms[4:15]
He suggests that speaking to a crowd or to a boss about an important issue triggers sensitivity to status threats, explaining much of public speaking fear.

Content versus delivery and the role of authenticity

Importance of both what you say and how you say it

Content must be logical, clear, and make sense[5:11]
Confusing or illogical content puts the speaker in a bad light regardless of delivery style.
Delivery signals confidence and affects connection[5:26]
Matt emphasizes confident posture and strong voice as essential for being perceived as authentic and engaging.

Earning the audience's time: credibility versus connection

Matt advocates starting with relevance, not credentials[6:21]
He is "on a personal mission" to stop presentations that begin with long title and credential lists, recommending instead a hook that engages the audience.
Two types of credibility: career and "Costco"[7:34]
Career/college credibility is what's on a resume or LinkedIn; "Costco credibility" is like trying a free sample-you build trust by giving value through questions, relevance, and engagement.

Defining authenticity in communication

Authenticity starts with introspection about values[8:14]
Matt defines authenticity as understanding what is important to you and what you stand for, then speaking from that place.
Convert personal values into audience-relevant messages[8:56]
He says you must identify the value for yourself, then articulate it clearly in a way that is meaningful for the audience.
Self-monitoring undermines authenticity and presence[9:19]
Both agree that monitoring audience reactions and mentally scoring your performance uses cognitive bandwidth and pulls you out of the present interaction.

Judgment, improvisation, and preparing to be spontaneous

Improv exercise: naming objects incorrectly

Exercise reveals internal judgment and perfectionism[10:38]
Matt has students point at objects and call them something they are not; one student froze, saying he was "not being wrong enough", illustrating extreme internal evaluation.
Excessive self-judgment blocks external connection[10:38]
Matt notes everyone is on a continuum of judgment like that student; the more we evaluate ourselves, the less we can be present and responsive.

Using improv and playful exercises to loosen patterns

Simple games can expose and disrupt cognitive habits[11:28]
He recommends improv activities, or even just the object-naming game, to reveal heuristics and loosen rigid thinking that impairs communication.
Children excel at these games due to fewer inhibitions[11:23]
Matt notes kids are great at calling things something else because they lack adult inhibitions, illustrating how socialization increases self-censorship.

Cloud-watching as a metaphor for narrative and freedom

Andrew describes cloud-watching leading to spontaneous narrative[12:17]
Looking at clouds and seeing shapes then stories demonstrates how suspending judgment allows narratives and creativity to emerge naturally.
Mindset shift: trust what happens in the moment[13:04]
Matt compares speaking to sports: athletes drill so they can respond spontaneously in games; similarly, we can train for spontaneous speaking and trust in-the-moment responses.

Rhythm, visuals, and how people learn

Using cadence and "crowd work" to break monotony

Andrew uses audience prompts (e.g., body parts) to vary cadence[15:52]
He sometimes cold-calls for a body part and connects it to neuroscience as a way to change rhythm and keep talks from becoming too regular and dull.
Talks can have song-like structure: opener, pace changes, repetition[16:38]
Andrew likens effective talks and podcasts to songs with openings, faster sections, and repeated motifs that keep people engaged.

Lego manuals as narratives with emotional rhythm

Lego manuals use no words but are designed as stories[17:17]
Matt interviewed the head of Lego manuals, who sees each manual as a narrative that mixes hard and easy steps to create emotional engagement and motivation.
Varying difficulty creates rhythm and sense of accomplishment[18:11]
If all steps were identical in difficulty, the experience feels different; mixing challenging and simple steps builds a feeling of progress.

Sparse visuals and prosody in teaching

ABCs and music show how prosody aids memory[19:10]
Andrew notes children learn ABCs with melody and inflection, not as a flat string of letters, illustrating the role of rhythm in memory.
Effective diagrams are sparse but accurate[21:54]
Andrew observes that historical medical diagrams that endured tend to represent just a few key elements sparsely, avoiding both cartoonish simplicity and overwhelming detail.
Too much detail on slides prevents listening[21:17]
He notes that if a slide is overloaded, students will read, not listen; even switching slides diverts attention during transitions.

Audience understanding, structure, and heuristics

Success is audience understanding, not "getting it out"

Most people define success as having said everything they planned[23:25]
Matt argues true success is if the audience understands and can use what you said, which requires tailoring messages to their needs.

Heuristics and misreading what others need

Definition and role of heuristics[26:43]
Matt defines a heuristic as an often-unconscious tool to reduce uncertainty, such as choosing the cheapest ketchup or the brand with the most shelf space.
Feedback versus support example after a bad meeting[27:10]
When a colleague asked how a meeting went, Matt defaulted to a "feedback" heuristic and itemized what went wrong, but the colleague actually needed emotional support, damaging their relationship.
Over-early heuristic choice can harm communication[27:17]
He notes locking into a heuristic too soon can send a conversation in a counterproductive direction, as in his six-month repair of that colleague relationship.

Structure versus lists for clear communication

Brains handle structured information better than lists[30:04]
Matt jokes "bullets kill"; long bullet lists on slides or spoken lists overload memory, whereas simple structures (e.g., problem-solution-benefit) aid processing.
Example structure: what, so what, now what[31:24]
For Andrew's story of confusing a student, Matt suggests structuring instructions as: what to do, why it matters, and next steps, making it easier to digest.

Practice, reflection, and feedback loops

Recording and reviewing oneself

Three passes: audio, silent video, then combined[33:28]
Matt makes his students watch their talks once with only video, once with only audio, and once together, noticing different strengths and issues each time.
Watching oneself is unpleasant but highly educational[33:44]
He compares it to going to the dentist-no one likes it, but everyone is glad afterwards because it teaches more than any instructor can.

Repetition, reflection, and feedback as improvement pillars

You cannot think your way to better communication[35:39]
Matt insists you must actually practice; many people repeat the same patterns ("insanity" style) without reflection and expect different outcomes.
Daily and weekly reflection practice[36:29]
Every night he spends a minute writing 1-2 things that went well and 1-2 that did not in his communication, then spends five minutes each Sunday reviewing the week and planning improvements.
Trusted feedback is the third component[36:25]
Beyond self-reflection, Matt emphasizes having trusted others who provide honest feedback, as Andrew does for his podcasts.

Movement, nonverbal cues, and audience engagement

Movement as a way to regulate energy and signal structure

Physical movement can help channel autonomic arousal[39:08]
Andrew notes that pacing, gesturing, or moving can help dissipate high bodily energy that often accompanies public speaking.
Use movement purposefully, not distractingly[40:09]
Matt advises moving during transitions and standing still during "punchlines" or key points, similar to stand-up comedians who avoid walking during punchlines.

Desensitization and VR for public speaking practice

VR tools can simulate audiences and reactions[42:48]
Matt mentions VR platforms where you can program audience responses (favorable or ignoring) and even upload slides to practice, useful for phobic speakers.

Impact of social media, generational shifts, and small talk

Fast visual updates vs. need for stable audio streams

Constantly changing audio is jarring compared to visuals[45:36]
Andrew describes flipping rapidly through Instagram Reels with sound only and finding the abrupt change in voices unsettling, unlike rapid visual updates.

Teaching younger generations and short attention cycles

Matt changes modality every few minutes in class[47:07]
In a two-hour class he might switch seven times between mini-lecture, video, pair work, etc., to maintain engagement of younger students.

Curiosity and friendliness as foundations for communication

Andrew naturally uses small talk (e.g., in Ubers or cafes)[48:45]
He asks people how their day is going and often learns useful things, such as discovering a favorite Armenian restaurant via a driver's recommendation.
Matt recommends leading with curiosity[50:17]
He suggests asking questions and observing, noting that people are most at ease talking about themselves and that curiosity can make small talk fluid.
Turn-taking in conversation: supporting vs. switching turns[49:36]
Supporting turns reinforce the other person's topic; switching turns pivot to your own related topic, and good conversations mix both.

Linearity, storytelling, and tour guide analogy

Linear vs. non-linear structures for teaching

Linear scaffolding suits teaching complex topics[52:37]
Matt says education often requires layering and scaffolding, which favors a linear path even if side stories occasionally branch off.
Combination of main path plus meanders can be engaging[53:20]
He suggests having a clear overarching narrative while allowing occasional diversions and then returning to the main thread.

Being a good tour guide as a model for speakers

Set expectations at the start, then guide through the journey[54:22]
Matt says a tour guide first explains where they are going so people feel comfortable, then signals transitions and ends with a "gift"-a takeaway of value.

Helping reticent or quiet people present

There are many ways to communicate beyond spotlight speaking[56:19]
Matt notes some roles demand public speaking, but generally people can choose modes that fit them, such as telling stories instead of making it all about themselves.
Example of senior leader who used videos to shift attention[57:26]
A nervous executive began talks with a short video, then facilitated discussion about it, which felt easier than being the sole focus.

Show-and-tell twist: object you didn't bring

Talking about the object not brought reveals authenticity[58:26]
Matt had students describe an object they considered but chose not to bring; these explanations were more emotive and authentic than the polished show-and-tell item.

Stage fright, practice strategies, and spontaneous speaking

Group size and perceived anonymity

Matt finds groups of 10-12 most anxiety-provoking[59:27]
For him, larger groups feel more anonymous, whereas mid-sized groups feel more personally exposing.

Importance of vocalizing and rehearsal

Practice out loud rather than just rehearsing in your head[1:01:05]
Matt notes people are eloquent mentally but stumble when actually speaking; he recommends saying things out loud and potentially role-playing responses.
One or two slide run-throughs is usually insufficient[1:01:28]
He contrasts light slide flipping with stand-up comedians who rehearse routines many times, implying business presenters should practice more intensely.

Martial arts and boxing analogies for real-world practice

Shadow practice differs from real interaction[1:03:01]
Matt mentions learning martial arts moves in the air is different from doing them on a partner; Andrew notes shadow boxing or the heavy bag differs from facing a punch.

Twyla Tharp and iterative mental-physical rehearsal

Choreography analogy shows massive iteration before performance[1:04:03]
Andrew describes Tharp imagining dances, then performing them and iterating thousands of times before any public performance, illustrating the gap between typical talk prep and high-level artistry.

Humor, risk, and testing unconventional communication

Risky formats can fail spectacularly or succeed spectacularly[1:06:06]
Andrew recounts a scientist who opened a job talk with a video and music of oil droplets colliding, which seemed odd but then perfectly illustrated his work and led to a brilliant talk.
Test boundary-pushing ideas on others first[1:05:42]
Matt recommends A/B testing risky approaches (like jokes or unusual openings) with a few people to gauge whether the risk is worth it.

Introspection and individual style

Leverage your strengths while exploring new tools[1:08:11]
Matt encourages understanding what works for you but also experimenting (e.g., through improv) to discover latent strengths you might not know you have.

Managing blanking out, mistakes, and anxiety

Rationalizing fear of blanking out

Assess real likelihood and consequences of blanking[1:10:25]
Matt asks people to estimate blanking probability, then reminds them the inverse is much higher and that even if it happens, consequences are usually embarrassment and short-term impact.

What to do if you blank out

Retrace your verbal steps or ask a question[1:11:12]
He suggests repeating the last thing you said to get back on track; if that fails, ask the audience a question to buy time and regain control.
Avoid memorizing to reduce blanking risk[1:11:46]
Because memorization raises the stakes for "getting it right", it increases the likelihood of freezing when you lose your place.

Do not pre-apologize or highlight nervousness

Pre-apologies prime audiences to look for flaws[1:12:46]
Matt discourages saying things like "I'm so nervous" at the start because it draws attention to every nervous behavior.

Physical strategies: cooling and breathing

Cooling palms can reduce blushing and sweating[1:13:17]
Matt holds something cold before speaking because palms are thermoregulators; cooling them slows his heart rate and reduces perspiration and blushing.
Emphasis on exhalation to calm autonomic arousal[1:22:31]
Andrew notes that all exhale-emphasized breathing (especially the physiological sigh with a double inhale and extended exhale) slows heart rate and reduces anxiety.

Sleep, NSDR, and night-before preparation

Better to sleep than cram; maintain routine caffeine[1:22:38]
Matt advises treating big talks like athletic events: good sleep, healthy food, exercise, and no sudden caffeine changes to avoid agitation.
Non-sleep deep rest (NSDR) / Yoga Nidra as recovery tools[1:36:20]
Andrew describes NSDR/Yoga Nidra as 10-30 minute practices with long exhalations and body scans that improve sleep, teach calm-alert states, and can compensate partially for lost sleep.
Eye-movement technique on waking at night[1:38:26]
He suggests, with eyes closed, moving gaze side-to-side, up-down, and in circles, then gently crossing the eyes while exhaling to help the vestibular system disengage from body position and facilitate falling back asleep.

Social development, social media, and diversity of styles

Pandemic and lost developmental windows

High-schoolers lost in-person practice opportunities[1:39:42]
Matt notes his son missed critical years of in-person learning and social testing due to lockdowns, though he believes skills can be rebuilt.

Quiet but not shy, and valuing diverse communication styles

Quiet people may be comfortable but simply less talkative[1:42:10]
Andrew describes his advisor as "quiet but not shy"-at ease, sometimes silent, but speaking when she had something to add.
Introversion, extroversion, neurodiversity are not deficits[1:42:38]
Matt stresses there's no single "right" way to communicate; introverts and neurodiverse people can contribute unique strengths like creativity or detailed thinking.

Meta-communication and modeling for younger people

Sharing your own communication planning with kids[1:44:01]
Matt tells his children when he has difficult conversations coming up and how he's thinking about them, to model communication skills explicitly.

Benefits of physical practice and martial arts for communication

Martial arts as training presence and responsiveness

Over 40 years of martial arts inform Matt's communication[1:47:07]
He says martial arts teach presence, connection, anticipation without overcommitment, and give confidence in handling situations that go "sideways".
Different drills mirror different communication modes[1:48:17]
Spontaneous sparring resembles improvised speaking; kata (pre-arranged forms) resemble scripted talks; self-defense techniques resemble rehearsed responses to common scenarios.

Exercise as meditation and creative time

Running and resistance training as focused practices[1:48:09]
Andrew treats weight training as meditation by avoiding texting and focusing on the work; Matt uses running as meditation and finds it boosts creativity.

Early work experiences and learning small talk

Customer-service jobs as communication training

Matt folded towels and announced gym closing as a teen[1:52:07]
He had to say "the gym is closing in 30 minutes" to large groups, which served as desensitization to public speaking.
Andrew worked in a toy store and muffin shop and used breaks to talk with neighboring workers[1:51:31]
Those jobs required frequent casual interactions and helped him become comfortable with initiating conversation.

Simple observational openers

Commenting on the environment can break the ice[1:53:25]
Matt once started chatting in a buffet line by observing that many people were wearing blue, leading to a lasting friendship.

Audience Q&A: common communication challenges

Why some women apologize before sharing opinions

Apologizing can be an attempt to connect but undermines authority
Matt advises starting with something you are confident in and postponing any necessary apology so you don't frame yourself as "one down" at the outset.

Communicating across cultures and accents

Non-native speakers should aim for clarity, not native-sounding speech
He recommends focusing on getting the message across, using repetition, stories, examples, or analogies rather than obsessing over perfect word choice.

Handling interruptions and over-talkers

Set boundaries up front about structure and timing
You might say you'll take questions after five minutes of setup, giving you leverage when someone interrupts prematurely.
Use paraphrasing to regain the floor
Matt suggests briefly summarizing the interrupter's point and then linking it back to your agenda, which is polite yet reasserts control.

How to prepare for a speech

Start with audience analysis and goal-setting
He warns about the "curse of knowledge" and "curse of passion" and says to ask what's relevant to the audience, then define what you want them to know, feel, and do.
Choose a simple structure, then practice delivery
Structures like problem-solution-benefit or what-so what-now what make content easier to process; after structuring, you must actually rehearse.

Filler words and how to reduce them

Filler words serve functions but become distracting in excess[1:53]
They can hold the floor or signal new information to children, but constant fillers frustrate listeners.
Landing phrases technique to cut fillers[3:44:04]
Matt teaches finishing each phrase out of breath so you must inhale before speaking again; you cannot say "um" while inhaling, which naturally creates pauses instead of fillers.
Practice landing phrases with calendar items[3:45:00]
He suggests reading your daily schedule aloud, landing each phrase (e.g., "lunch with Andrew") to train the pattern.

Asking for a raise

Consider context and timing relative to your boss's state
Matt mentions research on judges granting parole differently before and after lunch as a reminder that timing affects decisions.
Frame the request in terms of value to your boss
Rather than comparing yourself to colleagues, highlight the value you've brought from your boss's perspective, and rehearse the conversation beforehand.

Speaking to people who are not good communicators

Lead with questions tied to their interests or your shared goals[3:50:27]
Matt reiterates that you should elicit their thoughts with questions and then prompt elaboration using "tell me more" to discover what matters to them.

Memorizing speeches: recap

Never fully memorize; be very familiar with the opening[3:52:11]
He notes anxiety peaks just before and during the first minute of speaking, so knowing the start well is helpful, but full memorization hampers flexibility and increases cognitive load.

Reducing pre-talk anxiety: management plans

Address both symptoms and sources of anxiety[3:53:22]
Matt distinguishes physical symptoms (e.g., blushing, sweating) from sources like fear of negative outcomes, and recommends tools for each.
Use presence-inducing exercises to counter outcome anxiety[3:55:06]
He suggests deep breathing, walking, listening to music, counting backwards by challenging numbers, or saying tongue twisters to force present-focus.
Construct a personal anxiety management plan[3:56:55]
In his class, students build individualized plans; some later use them for high-stakes events like eulogies or wedding toasts.

Closing remarks and emphasis on tools

Andrew's appreciation of specific, testable tools

He notes the conversation provided specific practices grounded in evidence and real-world experience[3:58:42]
Andrew expresses confidence that listeners will apply the strategies discussed, such as structure, breathing, reflection, and question-asking techniques.

Lessons Learned

Actionable insights and wisdom you can apply to your business, career, and personal life.

1

Effective communication starts with understanding your audience and having a clear, simple structure, rather than just pushing out all the information you care about.

Reflection Questions:

  • Who is the primary audience for my next important communication, and what do they actually need to understand or do afterward?
  • How could I reorganize a current presentation, email, or meeting agenda into a simple structure like problem-solution-benefit or what-so what-now what?
  • What is one upcoming conversation or talk where I can deliberately focus less on saying everything I know and more on ensuring the other person truly understands a few key points?
2

Anxiety about speaking is best managed by addressing both the physical symptoms (through tools like breathing and cooling) and the mental sources (by reframing fears and refocusing on the present moment).

Reflection Questions:

  • What specific physical signs do I notice when I get nervous about speaking, and which simple tools (e.g., long exhales, holding something cool) could I test to reduce them?
  • How might my fear of a negative outcome-like embarrassment or rejection-be exaggerated compared to the actual consequences I've experienced in the past?
  • Before my next high-stakes interaction, what two or three concrete steps can I include in a personal "anxiety management plan" to help me show up calmer and more present?
3

You improve as a communicator through deliberate practice, consistent reflection, and honest feedback-not by mentally rehearsing the same patterns without change.

Reflection Questions:

  • In the last week, which conversation or presentation bothered me afterward, and what exactly would I like to do differently next time?
  • How could adopting a short daily or weekly reflection routine about my communication help me identify patterns I currently miss?
  • Who are one or two trusted people I could ask for specific feedback about my communication, and what focused questions could I ask them to get useful input?
4

Curiosity and good questions are powerful tools for drawing others out, building rapport, and navigating conversations with people who are quiet or not naturally expressive.

Reflection Questions:

  • In recent interactions, how often have I genuinely tried to understand the other person's interests by asking open questions instead of talking about myself?
  • How might using simple prompts like "tell me more" or "what matters most to you about this?" change the depth of my next conversation with a colleague, friend, or family member?
  • What specific situations (e.g., networking events, team meetings, family gatherings) could I use as practice grounds for leading with curiosity rather than self-presentation?
5

Aiming for perfect, memorized delivery often undermines authentic and effective communication; having a clear roadmap and trusting in-the-moment thinking leads to more natural and resilient speaking.

Reflection Questions:

  • Where in my communication do I currently over-script or over-memorize, and how does that affect my comfort and flexibility when something unexpected happens?
  • How could I shift one upcoming talk or meeting from a word-for-word script to a structured outline with a clearly rehearsed opening and key transition points?
  • What low-risk settings (e.g., small team updates, practice sessions with a friend) can I use to experiment with speaking from a roadmap instead of a full script?

Episode Summary - Notes by Cameron

How to Speak Clearly & With Confidence | Matt Abrahams
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