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This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von

#614 - New York Circus

Published October 2, 2025
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About This Episode

Theo Von reflects on changes in the circus from his childhood to the present and uses that as a segue into describing a "circus" surrounding his recent comedy special taping in New York City. He explains how going off antidepressants, a viral Department of Homeland Security immigration video using an old joke clip of his, heightened security concerns, and performance struggles all contributed to a stressful night and a later viral clip of him joking about suicide. He clarifies that he is not suicidal, shares a personal story about a friend's sister who took her life, takes emotional calls from listeners about losing a son to suicide and a three‑year‑old finishing chemotherapy, offers prayer and encouragement, and notes that he is back on his medication and planning to rest while remaining hopeful about the future.

Topics Covered

Mental health Suicide prevention Immigration policy and border security Data privacy and surveillance Stand-up comedy Online fame Grief and loss Childhood cancer Personal Development Relationships

Disclaimer: We provide independent summaries of podcasts and are not affiliated with or endorsed in any way by any podcast or creator. All podcast names and content are the property of their respective owners. The views and opinions expressed within the podcasts belong solely to the original hosts and guests and do not reflect the views or positions of Summapod.

Quick Takeaways

  • Theo describes the nostalgia of old-school circuses with live animals and dangerous acts and contrasts them with what he sees as a more sanitized, progressive modern circus, using this as a metaphor for changing times.
  • He went off his antidepressants a month before taping his New York comedy special to feel more emotion on stage, but a series of stressors-including the Charlie Kirk shooting video, a DHS immigration promo featuring his joke, and security warnings-left him anxious and mentally off balance.
  • During the taping he experienced dry mouth, trouble remembering his material, and a sense of "pretending" to be himself, leading to doubts about whether they captured a special worth releasing and openness to possibly reshooting.
  • A brief, darkly comic remark about trying not to kill himself, recorded by an audience member after the show, went viral and led to widespread concern, prompting him to state clearly that he would never take his own life and to list his many reasons for wanting to live.
  • He tells a story about his friend's sister Christiane, who died by suicide after her struggles were minimized within the family, to stress the importance of speaking up repeatedly about mental pain even if it feels like a burden.
  • Theo shares feeling increasingly unsafe and invaded by being recorded everywhere, including a nurse approaching him as a fan in a doctor's office during a private medical appointment.
  • He reframes the New York taping as a non-perfect but necessary risk in a career built on repeated failure, using metaphors like a misfit dog in a dog show and a flower bulb bravely blooming into whatever it becomes.
  • Caller Tom describes losing his son to suicide, staying sober despite the grief, and finding his first real laughs again through the podcast, to which Theo responds with deep empathy and gratitude.
  • Caller Lane asks for prayers for his three‑year‑old son Mateo, who is finishing chemotherapy for the second time and inspires him to pursue stand‑up; Theo prays for the boy, his family, and others facing tragedy.
  • Theo says he is back on his medication, wants some time off and healthier boundaries with his phone, and encourages listeners and himself to seek peace while committing to continue "being here" together.

Podcast Notes

Intro, new glasses, and seasonal setup

Greeting and October/fall imagery

Theo notes that it's October and feels like the year is "falling off" toward the holidays[0:42]
• He jokes about the calendar falling off the end of the year and landing in "Santa's arms" around December 25th

Getting new glasses and noticing vision changes

He recently got new glasses and is adjusting to them[0:55]
• He doesn't fully understand his prescription, joking about it being "B or B12" and calling the glasses "bitches" while noting they help him read
Glasses change how and whom he can see[1:15]
• He jokes that with the glasses some people he "can't see anymore" and that they "don't want to get a good look at everybody"
• He says he may need to mail them back and is currently operating on about an 8-12 foot visual radius
Realizing his short vision had become a problem[2:02]
• He describes missing people when going in for hugs and accidentally hugging the wrong person, like ending up with his arms around someone's husband
• He frames getting his "visual" right as important and that's why he finally addressed it

Childhood circus memories and how the circus has changed

Excitement of the circus coming to town as a child

He notes that he just saw that the circus is coming to town again and reminisces about its importance when he was a child[2:55]
• As a kid, he would get free circus tickets at school with names like "Willie's Circus" or "Risky Rick's Circus" printed on them
• Tickets sometimes had absurd slogans about petting zoos printed on the back, which he embellishes comedically

Rough, patched-together animals at the old circus

He recalls watching the big top being set up and animals being wheeled in that looked like they'd "been through a lot"[3:49]
• Some animals looked like they had just returned from war, missing ears or with fake ears improvised by circus staff
• He paints a comic image of an elephant with a potted plant stuck where its ear should be, the plant painted gray, and a man on a ladder painting it to blend in
• Another example is a short-necked giraffe barely 4'4" tall, seemingly one tickle away from its neck suddenly stretching out

Contrast between old circuses and modern versions

He describes the new circus flyer he saw as more like a child-friendly rave, similar in vibe to Cirque du Soleil[5:14]
• He imagines drones flying around and advanced tech involvement, making it feel very different from the animal-heavy circuses he remembers
Modern circus seems progressive and less animal-centered[5:35]
• Instead of animals, he jokes about "gender-neutral dudes" whistling into each other's mouths and a blind man singing song lyrics
• He contrasts this with the past when circuses featured real monkeys smoking and interacting with visitors and real lions in the ring

Danger and cruelty as part of old circus spectacle

He recalls monkey acts where a smoking monkey could flick ash on people's backs or even into a baby carriage due to its long arms[6:11]
Old circuses were less risk-averse about allergies and harm[6:38]
• He jokes that in the past, if they found someone with a peanut allergy, they might give him peanuts and have him run through a ring of fire while the crowd sang "For Those About to Rock"
• In contrast, he imagines today's circus putting a peanut-allergic person in a hazmat suit and having him jump through a ring of peanuts into the arms of his two mothers

Time as a force of constant change

Theo reflects that time "keeps making things different" and personifies time as refusing to wear the same outfit twice[7:23]
• He extends the metaphor by saying time likes every minute "freshly ironed" and right out of the package, always wanting to feel brand new

Circus workers and spectacle as extreme acts

He jokes that some circus workers would set themselves on fire to collect workers' compensation, with crowds both cheering and praying[7:44]

Framing the New York special as a "circus" and introducing mental health theme

Calling the New York special week a circus

Theo says there was a "circus" in New York City the previous week and wants to go through what happened because of speculation[8:04]
• He downplays the drama, saying it wasn't that crazy and might not be an exciting story, but wants to clarify events

Emphasis on mental health as an ongoing topic

He reiterates that mental health is important to him and has been a recurring theme on the podcast[8:44]
• He notes they talk and think about mental health a lot and explore it in different ways on the show

Decision to stop antidepressants before the special

Reasoning behind quitting medication

About a month before the special, he self-weaned off antidepressants he had been taking[9:12]
• He wanted to feel more emotion during the comedy show and be able to put more meaningful material into it
His description of antidepressant effects[9:38]
• He explains that antidepressants can blunt feelings, keeping you in a safe but emotionally flat space where you're like an astronaut staying on the ship while others go out
• He reiterates that coming off medication initially went fine as they headed toward taping the special

The Charlie Kirk shooting and DHS immigration video using his clip

Impact of the Charlie Kirk shooting video

He mentions "the Charlie Kirk murder" as a crazy incident that he has discussed before and won't rehash in detail here[10:34]
• He points out that everyone casually watched someone get killed on their phones without much warning, adding to a background of stress and unease

DHS trap-beat immigration video featuring his old joke

A few days or a week after the shooting, the Department of Homeland Security released an edited video about evicting or deporting people from the country, set to a trap-style beat[10:50]
• The video covered a spectrum of people, including undocumented individuals, criminals, and others, depicting arrests and removals
His clip was used without his input[11:31]
• They used a short video he had made jokingly in a parking lot about 1.5 years earlier, where a stranger asked for a message to a deported friend and he simply said "bye"
• He emphasizes he didn't know if the situation in the parking lot was real and was just joking with people after a show
• That brief bit with him saying "bye" became the first 10 seconds of the DHS promotional edit, which he describes as "ridiculous"

Viral reaction and personal background on immigration

The DHS video went massively viral and triggered backlash toward him[12:15]
• He estimates 25-30 million views and notes it was everywhere, including the White House channel, with his face and joke at the front
• Strangers began sending him hateful messages, accusing him of harsh attitudes toward immigrants
His own connection to immigration[14:01]
• He shares that his father immigrated from Nicaragua and that one of his prized possessions is a framed set of his father's and his siblings' immigration papers
• He reiterates that he has many nuanced thoughts about immigration and has spoken about them in other episodes, but this DHS usage felt simply "fucked up"

Paranoia and government security text

Viral attention led to paranoia and physical precautions[14:16]
• He began closing the curtains in his house, feeling paranoid about being watched or targeted
Text from a high-level government official about security[14:42]
• He woke up to a text from a high government official offering extra security or more police car patrols in his neighborhood if needed
• The message unnerved him: he has no existing security system he even uses and wondered what his neighbors would think seeing extra police, leaving him more shaken

Views on borders and surveillance state

He clarifies some of his beliefs about immigration and tracking[15:27]
• He says he supports tighter borders and accurately knowing who is in the country, likening it to knowing the full contents of a societal "cupboard"
• He believes the country is headed toward a surveillance state where everyone will need to be "on the books"
• He distinguishes between his support for accurate records and his discomfort with how the DHS video was made and used

Mounting stress and mental state leading into the New York special

Unrecognized stress load and anecdote about a friend's rehab

He reflects that people often don't realize how much stress they are carrying until something triggers a strong emotional reaction[16:07]
• He gives an example where he unexpectedly cried when a friend called to say they were going into rehab, realizing only then he had been waiting to hear that news

Perception of disorganization on taping day

The day of the special felt messier than previous tapings[17:47]
• He recalls a lot of last-minute decisions and confusion that may have partly been his perception due to his mental state

Feeling mildly manic and symptoms on stage

He looked up "manic" and thought he might be mildly manic[18:43]
• He reads a definition: extremely unstable euphoric or irritable mood with excessive activity and energy, and notes he probably could have used more of the rapid thought and speech aspect
Physical and psychological sensations during the first show[18:51]
• As soon as he got on stage for the first show, his mouth felt completely dry, and he felt like a too-high teenager pretending to act normal among friends
• He experienced difficulty remembering the sequence of his material and keeping track of what came next
• He acknowledges feeling "off" and even thanked the audience for being there for him during the set

Structure and outcome of the first show

There were bright spots but overall it was choppy[19:16]
• He says the second half of the first show went well and he hit some emotional beats he wanted
• Still, the show ran a bit long and the memory issues and choppiness bothered him

Between shows: support, rituals, and preparing for round two

Chris Rock's presence backstage

Chris Rock showed up backstage and enjoyed the show[20:34]
• Theo describes seeing Chris Rock's smile as feeling like Michael Jordan arriving to class, raising expectations for comedy

Trying to reset between shows

He tried to get his head right before the second show[21:16]
• He took an ice bath and did yoga between shows, which he says are part of his usual routine

Second show performance and post-show doubts

Second show starts strong but memory issues return

The first ~22 minutes of the second show felt "fire" and were "cooking"[21:43]
• Then he again couldn't remember parts of his set and got stuck on keeping the exact sequence of material
Regret about not using a teleprompter[21:50]
• Unlike prior specials, they didn't use a teleprompter, which he now calls a bad choice that may have been his decision
• He occasionally had to ask offstage for help with what came next because he wanted to capture everything in order

Emotional attachment to the material and Neil Brennan's comment

Conversation with producers and reflecting on the material[22:59]
• After the shows, he and the producers and director (including his friend Kevin) questioned whether they "got it" well enough on tape
Neil Brennan's framing of a special taping[22:52]
• Neil Brennan told him beforehand that taping a special is likely the last time he'll spend with that specific material
• Theo feels the material has been a friend to him, taking him around the world and connecting him with people who love him
• He wants the special to honor that material well, which fueled his concern over whether they captured the magic

Outcome of the night and openness to reshooting

They decided to review the edit before making a final decision[23:23]
• He left the theater unsure if they had what they needed and notes they might reshoot at some point, but nothing is decided
• He emphasizes he simply felt off and couldn't feel the "magic" of the performance, even though the audience was supportive

Viral suicide comment, public reaction, and his reassurance

The clip that escalated concern

An audience recording captured a dark joke about suicide[24:28]
• He went to the edge of the stage at the end of each show to take pictures with people, and during that time, someone recorded a moment where he made a passive joke about suicide
• He woke up the next day to messages like "bro, what's up" and "what's going on" and then saw that people online were discussing him in relation to suicide
• He hasn't watched the clip but imagines he said something like "just trying not to take my own life"

Clear statement that he is not suicidal

He repeatedly affirms he would never take his own life[25:06]
• He says directly, "I would never take my own life" and stresses that while he jokes about dark topics, it's not a joke to him or many others
• He humorously adds, "You hear that, Israel?" while reaffirming his commitment to staying alive
Reasons he wants to live[25:36]
• He is grateful to God for grace, loves his siblings and friends, and wants to see their children grow up
• He has hopes of meeting a future wife and children of his own and wants to have a positive impact on the world
• He mentions shared podcast moments he "lives for" and jokes that wanting to see Vanderbilt win a championship means he must live a long time

Mixed reactions to the taping and his view of failure

External criticism versus positive audience feedback[26:02]
• He notes that some articles and memes framed the taping as a failure, including one calling it a "bomb"
• At the same time, many audience members told him they loved the show and thought it was great, even if he didn't feel it was perfect
Embracing failure as part of his career[27:12]
• He responds to criticism by saying he has failed many times and "eats failure for breakfast," describing the first ten years of comedy as mostly failure
• He uses a humorous dog-show metaphor about an out-of-place dog whose "trick" is gambling on his phone and smoking, to say he is at least in the ring trying
• He says he wishes society would admire people who go out into the world every day with a real chance of failing

Risk, growth, and the flower bulb analogy

If he isn't risking failure, he doesn't know who he would be[29:29]
• He compares a person to a flower bulb that has to "pop" to discover whether it's a rose, daffodil, or something else; hiding forever as a bulb means never becoming
• He imagines a forest where all flowers stay hidden like they're in witness protection, versus bravely blooming and showing their colors

Further context: being recorded everywhere and a doctor's office incident

Surprise at being recorded during informal moments

He didn't realize people would be recording his offhand remarks after the show[31:00]
• He acknowledges he needs to mentally adjust to a world where many interactions are recorded and shared

Nurse interaction in a medical setting

A nurse approached him as a fan during a private exam[31:28]
• Shortly after the Charlie Kirk shooting, he went for a medical checkup where he and a nurse were discussing his body and genitals as part of the exam
• After the exam conversation, the nurse said she had brought something for him, which spooked him in such a private context
• He later sat in his car with his mother and got emotional, feeling like there were no fully safe places anymore
Mixed feelings toward the nurse and desire for privacy[31:28]
• He believes the nurse meant well and didn't want her to feel bad, but still found the interaction invasive and unsettling
• He informed the doctor about it and uses the story as another example of accumulating stress

Reassurance to listeners about his state

He emphasizes that he is far from suicidal[31:54]
• He says that while he might have had dark feelings as a kid during scary times, he is currently "far from a place like that"
• He tells listeners that he'll be here, they'll be here, and they'll be here together, as they always have been
• He notes that there were no drug issues involved in the New York night, aside from Joey Diaz bringing smoke and energy

Story of Christiane and reflections on speaking up about suicidal thoughts

Christiane's struggle and the family's response

He tells the story of a close friend's sister named Christiane[34:53]
• She was dealing with many issues and had trouble talking about them, not wanting to bother people
• When she finally told a family member, they downplayed it to the rest of the family by saying she had mono, rather than sharing her mental health struggles
• Within a year, she took her own life because she couldn't handle where she was mentally

Honoring Christiane and message about reaching out

He speaks her name and imagines her as an angel keeping tabs on people[35:53]
• He says people think of her, that her brothers love her, and that she is out in the universe in a beautiful way
Encouragement to keep asking for help[35:53]
• He believes people get stuck thinking they'll bother others or have already told friends too many times they aren't doing well
• He urges that none of that should matter and that it's worth trying more and however you have to say something, you should say it
• He admits he may not know exactly what he's trying to say beyond honoring Christiane and urging people not to stay silent

Wrapping up the New York explanation and thanking supporters

Overwhelmed by concern but appreciative

He says he was just joking and knows it's not an ideal topic for jokes[36:45]
• He acknowledges he jokes about dark things and about everything in general, which is part of how he does comedy
• He expresses appreciation for the outpouring of concern and finds it hard to tell everyone individually that he was joking
Promise to "be here forever" and humorous image of the short giraffe[37:21]
• He reiterates that he will be here and humorously says they need to see how the "short giraffe" (a callback to his circus bit) turns out
• He thanks listeners for loving him and asks them not to treat him weird or be weird, insisting he's "chill" and "we riding" together

Caller Tom: losing a son to suicide and finding laughter again

Tom's story of grief, addiction, and the podcast's role

Tom introduces himself and shares that he lost his son to suicide about a year and a half earlier[43:35]
• He still has nightmares and visions of finding his son and says it's hard to talk about
• He discovered Theo's show about four months after his son's death, and it gave him a first real reason to laugh again
Tom's sobriety and credit to God and laughter[45:17]
• Tom has been clean from addiction for about five and a half years and says it would have been easy to use his son's death as an excuse to relapse
• He believes that God, along with being able to laugh again through the show, kept him free and saved his life

Theo's response to Tom

Expressing sorrow and appreciation[45:58]
• Theo thanks Tom, says he's sorry about his son, and imagines the son missing and loving his father
• He notes that in whatever realm the son is in, maybe there's no missing, only pure love
On resisting laughter during pain[46:48]
• Theo reflects that when he's in pain, sometimes he won't let people make him laugh, out of a sense of posterity or stubbornness
• He appreciates that Tom allowed the show to help him laugh again and thanks him for giving the audience a moment to remember his son as a "sweet soul"

Caller Lane: son Mateo's chemotherapy and desire to pursue comedy

Lane's request for prayer and declaration of future goals

Lane introduces himself and his three-year-old son Mateo[48:08]
• Mateo is finishing chemotherapy for the second time, and Lane asks for prayers that the cancer doesn't return
• Lane also shouts out his wife for holding the family down through the ordeal
• He speaks into existence that he will do stand-up comedy and says Theo has been a big inspiration

Theo's prayer for Mateo, Lane's family, and others

He celebrates Mateo as a warrior and the father's courage in asking for help[48:56]
• Theo is glad Lane is publicly speaking prayer toward his son and reminding everyone it's okay to ask for prayer and energy
Theo offers a spoken prayer[49:30]
• He prays that Mateo remains cancer-free, keeps his smile hopeful, and has the joy he wants in life
• He prays for Mateo's mother and all mothers who bear heavy burdens caring for sick children
• He also prays that watching his son's fight will inspire Lane to take on his own dreams, like comedy, and to move through fear of failure
Additional prayer for friend MK's family[49:44]
• Theo lifts up his friend MK, whose wife's brother has been shot, asking that they feel not alone and know that people are thinking of them

Closing reflections, boundaries, and medication update

Assessing the New York episode after some time

Theo wanted a few days to digest the New York situation[50:36]
• He felt a lot was out of his control and didn't want to act while tired or while real and unreal elements were mixed in his head

Gratitude for audiences and supporters

He thanks those who came to the show and everyone who has supported him on tour and through the podcast[51:08]
• He repeats that "we're good here" and he is not in crisis, reassuring listeners again

Desire for rest, fun, and healthier phone boundaries

He plans to take time off to do things that are fun and be around friends[51:34]
• He mentions spending so much time texting and dealing with "things" on his phone that he wants some peace for himself
• He asserts that he deserves that peace and that everyone deserves some space for themselves

Back on medication and long-term hopes

He has restarted his antidepressant medication[52:11]
• He isn't worried about being on it and emphasizes he will work with a doctor if he ever tries to come off it again
Future hope to manage full feelings[52:35]
• He expresses a hope that one day he might be able to experience all of his feelings in a manageable way without medication

Hopeful sign-off

He tells listeners there is a lot of life to look forward to and that he believes they share that outlook[52:48]
• He promises to be good to himself and asks them to be good to themselves, ending with a warm, informal sign-off

Lessons Learned

Actionable insights and wisdom you can apply to your business, career, and personal life.

1

You often carry far more stress than you realize, and it only reveals itself when something unexpected triggers a strong emotional reaction, so it is wise to regularly check in with yourself and not dismiss subtle signs of overload.

Reflection Questions:

  • • What recent moments caught me off guard emotionally and might be signals that I'm carrying more stress than I admit?
  • • How could I build a simple weekly habit to honestly assess my mental and emotional load before it spills over?
  • • What is one concrete boundary or adjustment I can make this week to reduce a source of hidden stress in my life?
2

Going off or changing mental health medication is a serious decision that should be made collaboratively with a professional, especially when you are heading into high‑pressure situations.

Reflection Questions:

  • • When have I made a big change to my health routines without enough expert input, and what were the consequences?
  • • How might involving a trusted doctor or therapist in my next major mental or physical health decision change my approach and risk level?
  • • What specific step can I take this month to strengthen the professional support system around my mental health?
3

Failure and imperfect performances are not disqualifiers but essential parts of doing meaningful, public work; if you avoid the risk of failing, you also avoid the chance to grow into whatever you could become.

Reflection Questions:

  • • In what area of my life am I currently staying a "bulb" instead of blooming because I'm afraid of failing in public?
  • • How would my decisions change if I saw early failures as tuition I pay for long‑term mastery rather than proof I should stop?
  • • What is one risk I can consciously take in the next few weeks that puts me in the "ring" instead of sitting on the sidelines?
4

Joking about dark subjects may be a coping tool, but it can be misinterpreted and deeply affect others, so being mindful of context and how your words might land is part of responsible expression.

Reflection Questions:

  • • Where in my life do I use humor or sarcasm to deflect discomfort, and how might that be confusing or hurtful to others?
  • • How could I better signal to the people around me when I'm joking about something sensitive versus when I'm being serious?
  • • What is one conversation I should have with someone close to me to clarify how we handle dark or sensitive topics together?
5

If you are struggling with suicidal thoughts or heavy emotional pain, it is better to "bother" people repeatedly than to stay silent; asking for help again and again can be the difference between isolation and survival.

Reflection Questions:

  • • Who are the two or three people I could reach out to if I started feeling truly overwhelmed, and how can I let them know that ahead of time?
  • • How might my view of "bothering" others change if I remembered how I would want a loved one to act in the same situation?
  • • What is one mental health resource or support line I can save today so it is available if I or someone I know ever needs it?
6

In a world where phones and social media can turn any moment into public content, consciously defining and defending your private spaces and boundaries is essential for psychological safety.

Reflection Questions:

  • • In what environments do I currently assume I have privacy, and are those assumptions still realistic today?
  • • How could I more clearly communicate my boundaries about recording, sharing, or being approached in vulnerable contexts?
  • • What is one practical change I can implement this week to protect a small zone of genuine privacy in my life?
7

Community support, whether through prayer, shared stories, or simple laughter, can be a powerful force that helps people stay sober, endure grief, and face serious illness.

Reflection Questions:

  • • Where have I seen community-formal or informal-make a tangible difference in someone's ability to endure hardship?
  • • How might I more intentionally tap into or contribute to a supportive community around one challenge I'm facing right now?
  • • What is one specific request for support (prayer, listening, advice, or presence) I could make to my community this week?

Episode Summary - Notes by Quinn

#614 - New York Circus
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