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On Purpose with Jay Shetty

Emma Grede: #1 Trick Successful People Use Every Day (THIS Will Open Doors You Didn't Know Existed!)

with Emma Grede

Published November 19, 2025
View Show Notes

About This Episode

In this live conversation, Jay Shetty interviews entrepreneur Emma Grede about overcoming self-doubt, navigating the structural barriers women face in business, and building confidence through action and excellence. Emma shares how focusing on what she does best, asking for help, and embracing trade-offs has allowed her to grow multiple companies while raising four children. Together they explore redefining success on your own terms, the power of focus and self-talk, and end with a live coaching session where Emma advises an audience member on how to start testing her TV show concept immediately at a small scale.

Topics Covered

Entrepreneurship Work ethic Personal Development Confidence Self-talk Parenting and child development Focus Mentorship Feminism Workplace dynamics

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Quick Takeaways

  • Emma emphasizes that most people, including powerful leaders, are "making it up as we go along," which helped her stop overvaluing others' opinions and start trusting her own judgment.
  • She argues that structural and cultural barriers for women in business are real, so she intentionally builds companies with women in positions of power to change decision-making from the inside.
  • A central theme is being excellent at whatever you're doing right now and saying "I'll do that" to opportunities, using competence as the true driver of confidence and career acceleration.
  • Emma distinguishes between chasing passion and identifying what you're actually good at and energized by, then going deep and focused on that one thing as a "force multiplier" for success.
  • She credits her success to extreme focus, resilience, and work ethic, while also deliberately surrounding herself with people whose strengths compensate for her weaknesses.
  • As a parent and CEO, Emma rejects guilt-based narratives and instead defines her own non-negotiables at home and at work, openly acknowledging trade-offs rather than pretending to "have it all."
  • She consciously models to her children that she loves her work, shifting from apologizing for leaving to sharing honestly that her trips and projects energize her.
  • In a live pitch session, Emma advises an aspiring TV creator to stop waiting for a perfect big break and instead test a scrappier version of her idea immediately, learn from it, and iterate.

Podcast Notes

Live event introduction and setting

Jay welcomes audience and introduces Emma

Jay expresses excitement about being at the Bill Graham Civic Auditorium in San Francisco with Emma[1:28]
• He calls her "the one and only" and notes they are dear friends and that he adores and loves her
Emma reacts to the scale of the event[1:44]
• She admits she thought there were only 800 people attending until about three hours before the show and is shocked to realize it's thousands

Self-doubt, fear, and worrying what others think

Living with constant concern about others' opinions

Jay frames the topic of worrying about what people think and asks Emma for a time when that dominated her mind[2:31]
• He notes that many of us are our own worst critics, imagining everyone is judging us as harshly as we do ourselves
Emma describes a lifetime of worrying about others' opinions[2:31]
• She says she spent her entire life worried about what people think, and parts of her still feel that way
• She reached a point where she asked herself: "If not you, then who?" and felt she no longer had anything to prove
• Now she wakes up each day deciding to do her very best primarily for herself, to meet her own expectations and feel good when she goes to bed
Contrast between youth and later confidence[3:35]
• Emma notes that in her teens and twenties, that mindset was not her reality; she spent a lot of time worried about what others thought and kept herself small

Missed opportunities due to fear and silence

Times she held back from speaking or acting[4:07]
• She recalls numerous times when she didn't speak up, didn't put herself forward, or stayed out of conversations completely because of fear of judgment
Realizing others are not more capable[4:18]
• As she advanced, she found herself in rooms with top investors and people running companies or even countries and realized they were not fundamentally different from her
• That realization increased her confidence, seeing that everyone is largely "making it up as we go along"

Fear, risk, and gendered expectations

Fear remains present even with confidence[5:02]
• Emma stresses it isn't that confidence is devoid of fear; she still experiences fear even as her confidence grows
Risk aversion and women[5:21]
• She notes a tendency, which she calls "an inherently female thing sometimes," to be risk averse
• She attributes this to many reasons, but focuses on when fear becomes a self-preservation habit that holds women back
Reframing fear as misused energy[5:33]
• Emma has spent time thinking about how to "park" her fear and redirect that energy into something more productive

Structural barriers for women and building women-led companies

Job applications and confidence gap between men and women

Jay cites research on job applications[5:57]
• He references a study showing men will apply for a job if they can do about 40% of the description, while women with 80% of the qualifications often won't apply
Emma clarifies it's not just women holding themselves back[6:41]
• She insists the barriers are real and societal, not just in women's heads, and wants to be honest about that

Designing companies with women in power

Intentional leadership structures[6:33]
• Emma says she's built her companies with women at the helm, in positions of power, and as decision-makers because women make better decisions about who to bring into a company
• She adds that if you have a female banker or female money manager, she will do better for you, saying that the facts and figures back this up

Examples of different standards and confidence claims

Language skills example in hiring[7:06]
• For roles needing Spanish or French, she sees men with limited abilities claim they're fluent, while women who are basically fluent but need brushing up undersell themselves
Criticism for women who self-promote[7:59]
• Emma notes that when women are braggadocious or step "out of their space," they face enormous criticism, unlike men in similar situations
Comparison of online backlash[8:21]
• She shares that she and a prominent American businessman were attacked online on the same day; she received heavy backlash while he received millions of likes and little criticism

Refusing to play by limiting expectations

Leaning into uncomfortable conversations[8:29]
• Rather than shying away, Emma leans into conversations about gendered double standards because conforming to likability expectations would hold women back
Commitment to authenticity[8:32]
• She declares she's no longer playing the game of being demure or constrained; she will "do me, be me" and others will have to accept it

Ambition, excellence, and the "I'll do that" mindset

Starting with your own goals and standards

Centering decisions on what matters to you[8:57]
• Emma advises people at the beginning of their journey to start with a goal and with themselves, centering decisions around what matters to them
• She says she never sacrificed her ambition; she was always open and honest about what she wanted
Being explicit about what you want and need[9:37]
• Emma thinks many people know what they want but don't make it known, and stresses being honest and open about what you're looking for

Be excellent where you are now

Excellence as a launchpad[10:01]
• She advises focusing on what you're doing right now and being excellent at it, as that's how you propel yourself into the unimaginable
• Emma tells a story of working in a deli making sandwiches and says she was an amazing sandwich maker, in the same way she makes amazing jeans now

The three most important words for career acceleration

"I'll do that" as a career philosophy[12:32]
• Emma says the three most important words for career acceleration are "I'll do that" and that she spent her life with her hand up volunteering
• She frames volunteering as putting yourself out there and not assuming you won't be chosen because you're not already doing the task
Audience participation reinforcement[13:01]
• Jay has the audience shout "I'll do that" together to reinforce the mindset of taking opportunities

Saying yes then learning how

Reference to Richard Branson advice[13:07]
• Jay recalls reading a quote from Richard Branson: if you get an opportunity to do something, say yes and figure out how to do it afterward
• Emma jokes that this is literally what she's doing now, underscoring that pressure from opportunity can force growth

Manifestation, self-belief, and visualizing success

Early certainty about ending up in fashion

Saving for fashion magazines as a child[13:46]
• Jay notes Emma saved up as a young girl to buy fashion magazines and asks if she ever thought she'd be in them or creating the fashion in them
Emma's belief she would be in that world[14:08]
• She candidly answers that yes, she did think she'd be in those magazines, acknowledging it may sound arrogant but she genuinely believed it

Manifestation and upbringing without limitations

Influence of Oprah and ideas of gratitude and manifestation[14:13]
• Emma recalls growing up when Oprah was on TV daily, talking about gratitude, mindfulness, and manifestation
Family environment with no imposed limits[14:24]
• She says the greatest thing that happened to her was being raised in a place and family where no limitations were ever put on her
• She truly believed she could do anything if she was willing to put the work in, despite her education or background

Passing purpose and hunger to her children

Different starting points for her kids[14:53]
• Now as a mother of four, she notes her kids don't have the same hunger she did and don't want the same things, yet she still wants them to find their own purpose and passion
Choosing your internal narrative[15:34]
• Emma points out that the biggest relationship in life is with yourself-you hear from yourself the most and can choose the narrative you tell yourself
• She contrasts choosing a kind narrative that says "I can do it" versus creating a negative narrative and patterns
Daily practice of who you want to be[16:00]
• She describes waking up every day and choosing to believe that whatever it is, she can probably do it if she learns, applies herself fully, and surrounds herself with the right people
• She views life as a continuous practice of who she wants to be, constantly refining that identity

Finding strengths instead of chasing abstract passion

Why "don't look for your passion"

Emma's contrarian view on passion[16:35]
• She says bluntly: "Don't look for your passion," arguing that things we love aren't always good for us, joking she'd have had three glasses of red wine before coming on stage if she followed passion alone
Focus on what you're good at and what gives energy[17:41]
• Emma suggests finding what you're good at and what "lights you up," distinguishing between activities that give you energy and those that drain it
• She uses Jay as an example: he told her it takes him three hours to fall asleep after shows because he's so energized, indicating he's living his purpose

Competence as the source of confidence

Jay's argument: competence builds confidence[18:28]
• Jay agrees with Emma and explains many of us try to build confidence without competence, but real confidence comes from feeling capable at something you work hard to get good at
• He warns that if you only follow passion, when things get hard you may feel you're no longer passionate, whereas focusing on getting better keeps you in the game

Focus as a force multiplier

Deep focus versus scattered roles

Emma defines focus as a business and life multiplier[19:16]
• She calls focus a "force multiplier" in business, work, and life, saying that when you dedicate yourself and give all your focus to something, unbelievable unlocks occur
Jay's Bruce Lee quote on specializing[20:10]
• Jay quotes Bruce Lee: he's not scared of the person who's practiced 10,000 kicks once, but of the one who's practiced one kick 10,000 times
• He uses this to suggest that scattered attention takes you out of real competition, whereas deep repetition makes someone formidable

Cultural pressure to be many things

Past versus present expectations[20:37]
• Emma contrasts older norms where people had one clear trade (driver, carpenter, chef) with today's culture that suggests we must be many different things at once
Her own core "one thing"[21:35]
• Although people say she does many things, she insists she actually does one thing really well: she's an excellent merchant who understands what people want to buy and what they'll pay, and she repeats that over and over
Hard work increases with success[21:54]
• Emma says she has never worked harder in her life than she does now, emphasizing that success doesn't make things easier; it makes them more difficult
• She cautions that wanting to do great things requires being willing to sacrifice other things and go deep on one area

Self-awareness, strengths, and surrounding yourself with complementary people

Jay's experience with being pushed to fix weaknesses

Corporate expectation to be good at everything[22:21]
• Jay recounts becoming a consultant and being told he had to be good at many tools like Excel and PowerPoint, despite not wanting to master some of them
• He admits he still doesn't know how to do a VLOOKUP and argues that focusing on improving non-core weaknesses can waste finite focus

StrengthsFinder and discovering hidden strengths

Jay describes taking a strengths assessment[25:07]
• He explains he took a test (StrengthsFinder) that identifies 34 strengths and ranks them, with primary emphasis on your top five
• Jay says he knew four of his top five but was surprised by his number one strength: strategy, which he hadn't consciously recognized
• Realizing strategy was his top strength shifted his world and made him lean into it in his work and hiring

Emma's core strengths and major weaknesses

Her three key strengths[29:56]
• Emma identifies her strengths as: an unbelievable ability to focus, extreme resilience (able to take many knockbacks and bad news), and a very strong work ethic
Owning and compensating for weaknesses[30:46]
• She admits she is "super impatient" and really bad at some things, so she deliberately surrounds herself with people who have the traits she lacks
• Emma says none of us are successful alone and highlights the importance of surrounding yourself with friends, business partners, and colleagues who complement you

Parenting, guilt, and redefining standards at home

How Emma's kids perceive her work

Children's school project description of mum[32:02]
• Emma shares that in a school project her young children wrote, "our mum goes to work all the time," which initially made her question whether to feel shame or comfort

Changing the narrative from apology to honesty

Realizing she was modeling dislike of work[32:28]
• With her first two children, she constantly apologized for leaving for work, which created a narrative that she didn't really like what she was doing
Telling kids she enjoys her trips[33:32]
• She recounts telling her daughter before a New York trip that she actually has an amazing time there-sleeping diagonally, going out with friends, and enjoying herself
• Her daughter then simply wished her an amazing time, showing how Emma had previously shaped the guilt narrative herself

Jay's perspective as a son of a working mother

Mother as breadwinner and role model[34:00]
• Jay describes his mother as the breadwinner who juggled cooking, school runs, work, homework help, and then more work at night
• He believes his own work ethic comes from watching her work so hard, even though he didn't have lots of time with her
Time doesn't equal love[35:20]
• Jay emphasizes he never felt unloved despite limited time with his mother, concluding that time does not equal love
• He notes that being around all the time but unhappy, distracted, or over-entertaining children is not the same as loving presence

Defining your own standards and non-negotiables

Separating your standards from others' expectations

Writing down what matters most[36:58]
• Emma shares that when she had her first child, she wrote down what was important to her, identifying non-negotiables like attending plays and graduations
• She contrasts those with things she doesn't value, such as making Instagrammable lunchboxes, and gives herself permission not to do them
Continuously reassessing standards as life changes[37:55]
• Emma says life is in constant change, so what worked for kids at age 5 won't work at 11, prompting her to regularly reassess how she feels about commitments

Personal practices that support happiness

Non-negotiable girls' trip[39:16]
• She has a yearly girls' trip that she treats as non-negotiable because those connections make her happy, and she doesn't let scheduling excuses interfere
Owning your list of priorities[40:55]
• Emma stresses that her non-negotiable list is hers alone; it doesn't come from school, social media, or societal expectations

Trade-offs, asking for help, and rejecting the myth of "having it all"

The reality behind the polished image

Emma warns against misreading her life[40:55]
• She says if someone sees her hair done, husband nice, kids perfect, house good, and many companies and concludes that's the standard, they've missed the point
• What she actually does well is what works for her, not a universal template

Help, trade-offs, and transparency

Openly acknowledging immense help[41:58]
• Emma says she has nannies, people who help in the house, and "so much help," and she has never had a problem asking for help in any area of life or business
Life as a series of trade-offs[42:51]
• She explains that being on stage means she's not at dinner with her kids; every visible moment at work represents something else she's chosen not to do
Stopping the lies and guilt[43:54]
• Emma says she chose to stop lying about how hard it is and about her choices, recognizing that hiding "selfish" decisions does a disservice to other women
• Now when she's out, she says she's out; when she's not with her kids, she says she's not, and she shares that she only does school drop-off twice a week on a good week
• She invites everyone else to follow suit in being honest about their realities

Emma's podcast and mission to scale mentorship

Jay promotes Emma's new podcast

Announcement of "Aspire"[45:38]
• Jay shares that Emma has launched her own podcast, "Aspire," and urges the audience to subscribe, praising her voice as refreshing and redefining expectations for women

Why Emma created the podcast

Realizing she was part of the problem[47:06]
• Emma says after building businesses for years, she realized that as much as she was a solution, she was also part of the problem by representing something that could seem unattainable
Goals: truth-telling and countering toxic positivity[47:48]
• She wanted the podcast to tell the truth about what it really takes and to push back against pervasive toxic positivity she finds unhelpful
• Her approach is to be herself from East London, which to her means being very honest, and bringing on people she has worked hard to know so they'll open up more fully

Scaling mentorship through conversations

Inspiration from everyday questions[49:03]
• Emma was often stopped by people, such as 35-year-olds with kids wanting to change careers, asking for advice; she wondered how to scale that mentorship
Format and outcomes of the show[49:25]
• The show revolves around honest conversations with people she aspires to, giving listeners tools to build the life of their dreams regardless of their starting point
• She says that within just a couple of months of filming, the show has felt magical because guests come, tell the truth, and it's actually helping people

Live elevator pitch and Emma's practical advice

Jay sets up the live pitch opportunity

Framing the opportunity and expectations[51:10]
• Jay invites someone from the audience to pitch a business idea in 60 seconds to Emma, asking for a well-thought-out, mature idea that embodies the "I'll do that" spirit

Kate's pitch: a food industry TV show

Kate's background and restaurants[52:00]
• Audience member Kate from Redding, California shares she had twins in 2020, opened her first restaurant eight months later, and opened a second six weeks before the event
Concept of the show "Stage"[52:41]
• Kate describes a show idea called "Stage" where each season follows a celebrity or influencer placed in different food-industry environments per episode
• Each episode would include an adventure challenge, a high-end challenge, and a heartwarming element, exploring places from meat packaging plants and prisons to Michelin-star restaurants
• She likens it to a mix between existing travel-food and gritty jobs shows but focused entirely on the food industry

Emma's feedback: start small and test tomorrow

Praising courage and current achievements[53:44]
• Emma first praises Kate for standing up and being the first visible volunteer, and congratulates her on opening a second restaurant, calling it "insane" in a positive way
Two ways to execute media ideas[53:44]
• Emma notes the media climate allows for big, shiny, high-budget productions, but also for scaled-down tests on smaller platforms
Test-and-learn on smaller platforms[53:07]
• She suggests taking the best parts of the idea and trying them in a small way-e.g., on YouTube or Instagram-perhaps with a friend instead of an influencer and in local settings
• Emma emphasizes the power of test-and-learn: you fail, iterate, and start again, instead of waiting for a perfect pitch meeting that may never come
• Her concrete advice is to start doing some version of it the very next day

Closing reflections and handling rejection

Jay's story of a rejected TV show leading to the podcast

From failed pitch to "On Purpose"[53:43]
• Jay shares that he originally pitched a TV show about seven years ago to multiple networks, including Netflix and two major channels, and was rejected
• Out of that rejection he started a podcast instead, which became "On Purpose," reinforcing Emma's advice to start in a different form rather than wait

Final appreciation and call to follow Emma's work

Jay's admiration for Emma[52:52]
• Jay calls Emma one of his favorite people, reiterates his admiration for her honesty and impact, and encourages the audience again to subscribe to her podcast and follow her
Episode sign-off[53:54]
• He thanks listeners and briefly mentions another conversation focused on discomfort and growth before the transcript ends

Lessons Learned

Actionable insights and wisdom you can apply to your business, career, and personal life.

1

Confidence grows when you stop overvaluing others' opinions and instead commit to doing your best for your own standards, recognizing that even powerful people are often improvising just like you.

Reflection Questions:

  • • Where in your life are you holding back because you assume others know more than you or are judging you more harshly than they actually are?
  • • How would your daily choices change if your primary goal were simply to meet your own honest standard of "I did my best" each day?
  • • What is one situation this week where you can show up fully, despite feeling afraid of what others might think, and then evaluate yourself only by your own effort and integrity?
2

Excellence in your current role and a willingness to say "I'll do that" creates opportunities and builds the competence that underpins real confidence and career acceleration.

Reflection Questions:

  • • In your current work or responsibilities, what would it look like to be genuinely excellent rather than just adequate?
  • • How might your career or business trajectory change if you volunteered for one challenging task or project each month with an "I'll do that" mindset?
  • • What specific opportunity have you been hesitating to accept that you could commit to this week, trusting that you can learn how to deliver once you've said yes?
3

Focusing deeply on one core strength or "one thing" acts as a force multiplier for success, whereas trying to be everything to everyone leaves you scattered and less effective.

Reflection Questions:

  • • What do you consistently do well that others recognize and rely on you for, even if you've never labeled it as your "one thing"?
  • • How could narrowing your focus to go deeper on one core strength over the next year amplify your results more than trying to improve at several unrelated skills?
  • • Which activities, projects, or roles could you intentionally drop, delegate, or de-emphasize in order to create more room for focused depth on your strongest area?
4

Defining your own standards and non‑negotiables-instead of inheriting them from social media, schools, or peers-reduces guilt and allows you to make clear-eyed trade-offs in work, family, and self-care.

Reflection Questions:

  • • What expectations about being a "good" parent, partner, or professional are you currently carrying that might actually belong to someone else's value system?
  • • If you wrote down your top five non-negotiables for the next year, what would be on that list and what would consciously not make the cut?
  • • Where could you be more transparent-with yourself and others-about a trade-off you're making, so that you stop pretending you can do everything at once?
5

Progress often comes from starting small, testing ideas in low-risk ways, and iterating based on feedback rather than waiting for a perfect big break or fully formed opportunity.

Reflection Questions:

  • • Which idea or project have you been keeping in "presentation mode"-planning and polishing-rather than putting into a small, testable action?
  • • How could you design a simple, scrappy version of your idea that you could launch in the next week to learn what works and what doesn't?
  • • What metric or signal would you pay attention to in your first small test so you can decide what to tweak, double down on, or abandon?

Episode Summary - Notes by Parker

Emma Grede: #1 Trick Successful People Use Every Day (THIS Will Open Doors You Didn't Know Existed!)
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