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This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von

#619 - Stan the Chauffeur

with Stan the Chauffeur, Stanford Boyay

Published October 22, 2025
Visit Podcast Website

About This Episode

Theo interviews professional chauffeur Stan the Chauffeur, whose real name is Stanford Boyay, about his life journey from growing up in the Bronx to building a career driving limos and sprinters in Charlotte and Columbia, South Carolina. Stan shares how he left New York to be closer to his daughter, stumbled into chauffeuring, and developed a customer-first philosophy with many wild passenger stories. He also talks about quitting cocaine, a violent confrontation with a scamming contractor, a serious burn incident caused by his much younger girlfriend, his complicated love life, and his advice to young men to avoid the streets and pursue education.

Topics Covered

Relationships Trauma Prison system Homelessness and drug addiction Aging Personal development Chauffeuring Violence and self-defense Bronx upbringing Burn injuries

Disclaimer: We provide independent summaries of podcasts and are not affiliated with or endorsed in any way by any podcast or creator. All podcast names and content are the property of their respective owners. The views and opinions expressed within the podcasts belong solely to the original hosts and guests and do not reflect the views or positions of Summapod.

Quick Takeaways

  • Stan left the Bronx in the late 1990s to be closer to his daughter in Charlotte, eventually discovering chauffeuring after being approached on the highway for a limo driving job.
  • He views chauffeuring as a service-oriented profession where the night is about the guests, emphasizing safety, anticipation of needs, and protecting especially female passengers.
  • Stan draws a firm ethical line with intoxicated and sexually aggressive passengers, likening their advances to a trap and refusing to exploit impaired people.
  • A humiliating experience with cocaine-related erectile dysfunction pushed him to quit cocaine after using it from his mid-teens into his early thirties.
  • Growing up in the Bronx, he benefited from community programs like evening basketball, hip-hop shows, and mobile pools and skate trucks that served his housing project.
  • He explains how Mercedes Sprinters have largely replaced stretch limos and details the technical skills and constant vigilance required to safely drive large luxury vehicles.
  • Stan recounts using extreme driving and physical self-defense when a passenger attempted to rob him and later stabbing a contractor who had scammed him and attacked with a knife and crowbar.
  • He describes being badly burned when his intoxicated 25-year-old girlfriend threw a pot of boiling fettuccine noodles on him, yet he refused to press felony charges and still cares for her.
  • Stan reflects on failed marriages, his flirtatious personality, and his desire, in his early sixties, to find a final long-term partner and "queen" for the rest of his life.
  • He advises young men to reject the false glamour of the streets, embrace being a "nerd," stay in school, and pursue higher education rather than street credibility.

Podcast Notes

Introduction and meeting Stan the Chauffeur

Host introduces Stan and their first encounter

Theo explains that today's guest is a driver, operator, and chauffeur he met in South Carolina when he used Stan's services for a football game trip[0:25]
Theo describes Stan as a "one of one" and says they were laughing and having fun immediately when he pulled up to pick them up[0:42]

Microphone setup and Stan's listening style

They adjust Stan's microphone so he can move without static while talking[1:11]
Stan jokes that he is like "Muhammad, our listener" and says he hears everything and doesn't miss a beat, including emotions, neck movement, and laughter[1:25]

Stan's name and personal storytelling style

Discussion of Stan's last name and meaning

Theo tries to pronounce Stan's name, saying "stand bo stand out" and then "stand boy lou boyay," while noting people pronounce it differently in Louisiana vs. New York[1:34]
Stan clarifies that in New York his name has always been pronounced "Boyay" and Theo comments that he likes how it sounds and wonders what it means[1:58]
Stan says his first name, Stanford, means a hard rock or stone, and his last name Boyay means a beautiful place or thing[1:58]
He jokes that he tells women that within that hard rock, if they can get inside, it's a beautiful place like a gemstone, admitting it's "some real bullshit" he lays on them[2:04]

Leaving the Bronx and starting over in Charlotte

First marriage, move to Charlotte, and conflict with ex-mother-in-law

Stan says he is originally from the Bronx, not South Carolina[2:43]
In 1995, his first wife left him and moved to Charlotte, where her mother was an IBM executive[3:06]
He traveled monthly by Greyhound from the Bronx to Charlotte to see his daughter, which became expensive[3:06]
In 1997, he literally walked off a street corner in the Bronx, got on the Greyhound bus, and moved to Charlotte after his ex-mother-in-law said she would help if he was serious about changing his life[3:06]
He stayed with his ex-mother-in-law briefly until she told him he owed her more than rent while living in her house[3:31]
• She mentioned he was a man and should be able to "figure this one out," implying a sexual expectation, which Stan refers to as the "bonus plan"
• She told him it was her house and her rules, and if he did not like it, he should find another place to stay
Stan moved out the next morning, saying he has been "off and running" since then[4:00]
He notes this woman was his first ex-wife's mother and that his daughter knows about the situation; they now consider it just a "speed bump" and have moved past it[4:29]

Getting into chauffeuring and what the job requires

How Stan became a chauffeur

Stan started chauffeuring in 1999 while driving a truck on the highway to Raleigh[5:30]
A man in an SUV kept trying to get his attention; coming from the Bronx, Stan assumed it might be a hijacking and began dipping the truck toward the SUV[5:52]
When the SUV window came down, the man, named Shane from Miami, said he wanted to talk about a driving job and needed a driver for his stretch Navigator limo[5:55]
Stan had never driven a limo before but decided to take the opportunity, and it gave him a feeling he loved; he says he has never looked back[6:10]
He enjoys looking good driving a nice car, burning someone else's gas, and getting paid for it, saying chauffeuring has become who he is[6:19]

Customer-first mindset and anticipating needs

Stan emphasizes that as a chauffeur, it is not about the driver; the job is to ensure guests have a good night, enjoy themselves, and receive safe driving and great customer service[7:08]
He explains that with a sprinter, he makes sure guests know how to use the music system and AC and that he does a lot of "ear hustling" to anticipate needs[7:15]
• If he hears women mention needing a bathroom, he announces a stop by pretending he himself has to go
• If he hears them say they are running out of beer, soda, or water, he says he needs a Mountain Dew and stops at a convenience store, framing the stop as his own need
He feels responsible for making sure venues and surroundings are safe, especially for female passengers, noting he has seven sisters and treats female riders like sisters and daughters[8:03]

Challenges with passengers: intoxication, drugs, and sex in the vehicle

Worst passenger behaviors and dealing with intoxication

Stan says the worst thing passengers can do is throw up in his vehicle due to excessive drinking[8:25]
He recounts letting a man in Charlotte throw up outside the vehicle and another time pulling over on I-26 so a passenger could vomit out of the sprinter window[8:35]
He detests passengers who are too drunk because they are unreasonable and the night tends to go downhill when someone has been drinking heavily[9:03]

Requests for drugs and Stan's refusal

Out-of-town passengers sometimes ask where to get cocaine or other drugs[9:33]
Stan always answers that he does not know anything, noting you never know if they are undercover agents and that his boss would be very disappointed if drug activity happened in the vehicles[9:46]

Passengers having sex in the limo or sprinter

Stan says couples having sex in the vehicle happens more than people think[10:13]
The first time, in a stretch limo, he lowered the partition to see what was going on and immediately tried to raise it back when he saw a woman's legs in the air and the man "pile driving"[10:54]
Recently, he had newlyweds in a sprinter whose wedding party stayed in the bar while they went to the vehicle; he felt the sprinter rocking, saw they were having sex, then went into the bar and was told that time was reserved for them[11:27]
• He gave them 10-15 minutes before softly knocking and telling them he was about to take them home; when he dropped them off, they were just getting dressed
Stan explains he uses a soft knock to check on couples rather than a hard, police-style knock because everyone knows what is happening, and that is often why people rent limos and sprinters[12:03]

Ethics and boundaries with flirtatious passengers

Rejecting advances from drunk passengers

Theo admits he once received oral sex in a vehicle from a woman with a military background, then asks how drivers should handle such situations[12:41]
Stan says as a driver he must avoid sexual situations with passengers, especially intoxicated ones[12:54]
He notes he has two daughters and seven god-sisters and would not want drivers to think they are celebrities and take advantage of drunk women who hit on them[13:08]
Stan calls such advances a trap and says he has run away and lied to escape them, preferring to get women out of the car so he can get away[13:45]

A passenger with extreme oral skills and calling his mother

He tells a story of walking a very drunk woman to her door in Charlotte; when they shook hands, she put his fingers and thumb in her mouth and began sucking intensely while gripping his arm[14:31]
• As he tried to pull away, she sucked harder, closed her eyes, and veins bulged in her forehead while she "went off" on his arm
He describes a feeling traveling down his arm, into his leg, curling his toes, and then hitting his right testicle, at which point he yanked his arm free, ran to his Lincoln, and sped off[14:54]
Shaken, he called his mother at 3 a.m. to tell her what happened, saying the woman had "skills" and joking that he might never have been seen again if he had stayed[15:34]

Avoiding sexual setups in passengers' homes

Stan says he no longer uses the bathroom in women's homes because of an incident where a young woman stood outside the bathroom wearing only panties after he finished[16:02]
• She invited him on a tour of the apartment and specifically wanted to show him her bed, making her intentions clear
When he refused, she said his boss Shane had told her she could "have" Stan because Shane was involved with her friend; Shane had picked up two women at a strip club in Charlotte[16:48]
Stan lied that there were condoms in the limo, went down to "get" them, then jumped in the car and drove away instead of returning[16:59]

Cocaine use, sexual dysfunction, and quitting drugs

Erectile dysfunction as the turning point

Theo shares his own story of leaving a situation by saying he was going to get condoms when he could not get an erection and never returning[17:31]
Stan says recurring erectile dysfunction while using cocaine is what made him leave cocaine alone[17:38]
He describes three times when he was sexually "dead" from cocaine; the first time he was confused, the second time he recognized the pattern, and the third time, with his second wife, was his last use[17:43]
• During the last incident, his wife mocked his non-functioning penis, plucking at it and asking what she was supposed to do with it and what he had done, making him feel very stupid
He resolved that no woman would ever make him feel that way again and has not touched cocaine since[18:10]

Drug culture in his Bronx neighborhood

Stan says he started using cocaine around age 15 or 16 and stopped at 33[18:21]
He attributes his drug use partly to his Bronx lifestyle and the men who controlled his neighborhood, describing them as narco-terrorists surrounded by cocaine and heroin[18:37]

Growing up in the Bronx: community programs and mobile pools

Neighborhood description and Mr. Curtis Johnson

Stan grew up on 169th Street and Washington Avenue in the Bronx, in the Morrisania neighborhood, in a project called Claremont Village[19:01]
He says it is a good project; though there have been a few shootings recently, he notes that this is America and such things happen[19:06]
He credits a man named Mr. Curtis Johnson with improving neighborhood life by keeping schools open for evening basketball, organizing Friday night hip-hop shows, summer youth employment, free turkeys, free cheese, bus rides to Great Adventure, and bringing the pool mobile and skate mobile[19:32]

Skate mobiles and swim mobiles

Stan explains that in summer a skate mobile-a truck carrying roller skates-would come to their impoverished neighborhood, where kids exchanged sneakers for skates and skated in a blocked-off street area[20:24]
He says a separate pool mobile, a large truck with a pool, also came, allowing kids to swim in the blocked-off section of 169th Street between Third and Washington[19:48]
He notes they also had parades and block parties and that those events created consistent activities when the street was closed off[20:46]

Fear of skates and childhood accident

Stan says he does not skate because he was always a stiff kid on skates who just floated until he could grab a building or car[22:29]
One day he was skating toward a rope barrier when a girl pulled the rope back and then let it go as he arrived; he blacked out and later woke up, and since then he does not skate[22:46]

Modern chauffeuring: limos vs sprinters and driving technique

Why stretch limos are disappearing

Theo asks why stretch limos are nearly extinct and comments that they seem ridiculous to drive[25:36]
Stan explains that the stretch limo market is drying up because Mercedes sprinters have largely eliminated it[25:56]
• He argues it makes more sense to put 8-10 people in a sprinter where they can stand and move around than in a low stretch limo that requires wide turns
• He notes sprinters can be configured for 10-13 passengers or as party buses depending on the owner-operator's interior design

Technical skill and safety in driving large vehicles

Stan always drives with two hands because one hand is not sufficient for precise control, especially as wheels move and conditions change[26:39]
He constantly checks mirrors left to right and keeps ample distance from the vehicle in front because large vehicles do not stop on a dime[26:49]
He says some drivers in public traffic undercut limos and sprinters and stop short as if trying to cause an accident, which he has to anticipate[26:57]

Attempted robbery in the limo and extreme driving response

Picking up an unbooked rider and being threatened

Stan explains that as a limo driver you are not supposed to pick up unbooked passengers, but one night at a Charlotte bowling alley he did[27:59]
A man leaving the alley asked if he was going uptown and said he had never been in a limo; Stan assumed bowling made him safe and let him in[28:13]
While riding, the man asked if it was true that a chauffeur was not supposed to be armed and what Stan would do if someone robbed him[28:30]
When Stan asked why, the man declared that "this is a robbery"[28:46]

Using speed and chaos as self-defense

Stan told the man he had practiced hitting the brakes, opening the door, and rolling out while letting the car go, and he demonstrated how he could open the door[29:04]
He said if the man had a gun he would roll out and let the car go, but if the man had a knife he would have to get close, which Stan could use to his advantage[29:15]
With the man leaning close, Stan floored the gas, took a hard turn, and the passenger fell all over the car as Stan drove around Charlotte at about 90 mph looking for a cop[29:30]
• He says he was turning corners, skidding, while the man yelled he was crazy; Stan replied that they were both dying that night and that his family knew he could drive, so a crash into a building would signal something was wrong
He eventually skidded to a stop, told the man he could get out, and the passenger left while cursing him and putting away a weapon; Stan sarcastically asked what happened to the robbery[30:01]

HVAC scam, knife fight, and legal aftermath

Being scammed by contractor Mickey Moore

Theo prompts Stan about a story where he "bladed out" a man, and Stan introduces contractor and scam artist Mickey Moore[31:59]
Stan had an HVAC problem at his renovated house in Charlotte and did not understand central AC terminology[32:03]
A friend referred a worker who introduced him to Mickey, who said all the right things and convinced Stan to hire him despite Stan's girlfriend's suspicions[32:37]
Later, Stan learned Mickey was a heroin user and dealer and that he had previously scammed an 87-year-old woman for $43,000[32:51]
Mickey took out a good HVAC system that only needed a fuse and incorrectly installed a defective unit that turned the crawl space into a foot of mud and released what Stan calls poison gas through the floor[33:29]
Other companies eventually found the bad work, cut off his gas, and State Farm flagged fraudulent paperwork, investigating Stan for fraud before he realized Mickey's role[34:18]

Confrontation and stabbing with Mickey's own knife

When confronted, Mickey told Stan "F you" and said he would never be found; Stan replied that as a New Yorker with nothing to do, he would find Mickey one day[34:50]
Stan eventually found Mickey, who had an 8-10 inch knife and a crowbar; Stan approached unarmed with his hands up[35:04]
Later, Mickey was stabbed eight times with his own knife, and about 20 cops came to Stan's house to get him, though Stan does not detail the exact fight[35:19]
In court, Stan told the judge that in the Bronx if you take someone's weapon it is called a "free kill"; the judge replied that in a civilized society there is no such thing as a free kill[35:54]
He says Mickey survived and that he deliberately aimed below the waist because below-waist wounds are misdemeanors while above-waist are felonies, according to what he told the judge[36:04]
• The judge said he nearly hit the femoral artery, missing it by less than half an inch; his lawyer, named Ken Snow in Charlotte, handled the case and Stan emphasizes that he is "in the street" now

Stan's love life, marriages, and age-gap girlfriend

Multiple divorces and current 25-year-old girlfriend

Stan says he loves women and has paid for two divorces[36:55]
He is 60 years old, turning 61 on the 24th of the month, and his on-again-off-again girlfriend in Columbia is 25[37:09]

Burn incident from boiling fettuccine noodles

On January 7th of the year, while Stan was boiling fettuccine noodles and frying chicken parmesan, his girlfriend, who was drunk and upset, hit him with the pot of boiling noodles[37:25]
The noodles caused serious burns, melting the back of his left ear and burning areas of his head and upper body, leading him to be treated at the burn center at Doctors Hospital in Augusta, Georgia[39:28]
He explains they had been pushing and shoving in the kitchen, she grabbed his gold chain and choked him, and as he tried to get her attention and move away, she picked up the pot[39:42]
• He says he hoped she would not grab the chicken parmesan in hot oil, and instead she grabbed the pot with noodles; he warned her not to do it, saying she would go to jail if she did
As he turned to run, he felt the boiling noodles hit him; he ran out screaming that she had really burned him while his dog Snowy tried to attack her[39:40]
Stan had already called police and left his door open; when officers and EMTs arrived, they picked noodles off of him[40:48]
That night he did not treat the burns, went to bed, and the next day saw fluid dripping from his head when he went to borrow money from a friend, who urged him to go to the emergency room[42:11]
At the ER, three doctors circled him without touching and said there was nothing they could do; they referred him to America's largest burn center in Augusta for 7 a.m. the next morning[42:37]
He drove himself to Augusta, still partially in shock, and the doctors there gave him an injection; he woke up later wrapped in bandages[43:13]
Doctors told him he could not drive himself home and that someone had to pick him up; his oldest daughter in Atlanta came and was upset about the situation, though she held back criticism for later[43:39]
Stan's younger daughter also checked on him; he had to keep bandages clean, and over time his skin recovered with ointment and daily cocoa butter[44:17]

Refusing to press charges and continuing the relationship

Police wanted to arrest his girlfriend and pressed him to allow felony charges, but he refused[44:45]
He argued that she has two sons and asked who would raise them if she went to prison, saying he did not want two more young Black men in the system[44:55]
Stan emphasizes she was intoxicated and emotional and would not have done it sober; he says they have moved past the event and maintain a relationship, though with ongoing issues[45:39]
He openly says he loves her deeply despite the disorder and others telling both of them to stay away from each other[45:55]
He also states that the ongoing madness in the relationship is wearing on him and he cannot take much more of it[46:49]

Desire for a lasting partner and reflections on love

Looking for his "last queen"

Stan says he is 60 going on 61, has paid for two divorces, and is looking for his last queen and real, lasting love[47:07]
He notes his body is aging and he wants someone to make him happy for whatever time he has left, though Theo suggests he has more time than he thinks[47:16]
He tells his current girlfriend that she should either be real with him so they can stop the BS or leave so that someone else looking for a good man can find him[48:30]

Advice to young men: streets vs education and being a "nerd"

Rejecting street life and drug dealing

Stan calls the street "a lie" and tells young men that seeking street credibility or selling drugs will lead to jail and kill their dreams[52:20]
He urges them to stay in school, get an education, and go to college instead of chasing street life[52:20]

Embracing being a nerd and his son Ricky's path

Stan tells how his son Ricky once said he did not want to be a nerd; Stan explained that wanting to be with the in-crowd was his own mistake that led him away from academics[53:12]
As a youth, Stan got tired of being teased as "the professor" or "the scientist," so he started hanging with bad kids and letting his grades drop[54:17]
He told Ricky it is okay to be a nerd and used Bill Gates as an example of a nerd who ended up highly successful while those who mocked him now wish he would read their resumes[53:42]
He mentions his son Ricky lives in Spain, is handsome, and is getting a master's in Spanish and Spanish culture after nearly three years there[54:11]
Stan encourages Ricky to get his degrees, contrasting it with his own five years of law classes with no degree[54:17]

Views on relationships, women, and bedroom dynamics

Control issues and cultural dynamics

Stan acknowledges that in relationships he is often in control behind the wheel as a chauffeur and that some women, especially African-American women, have problems with a dominating man[55:41]
He believes many African-American women grow up without fathers and thus lack exposure to a strong male leader at home, leading them to resist male leadership while claiming to want it[55:41]
He comments that women saying "I don't need no man" sends negative messages to sons, lowering their self-esteem, and influences daughters to resist male partners[55:56]

Aging, sexual performance, and compensating with experience

Stan says the bedroom plays a big role in relationships; at 60, his body is changing and he is not as strong sexually as he once was[57:05]
He likens the change to boxing moving from 15-round to 12-round fights and says his body is beginning to fail, which causes problems in relationships[57:05]
He adds that as he ages and his body changes, his sexual experience compensates for some of the decline[57:03]

Favorite sexual act and making women "speak alien"

When asked about his biggest sexual move or ability, Stan says he loves to eat fruit, referring metaphorically to oral sex[58:19]
He claims he has made women "speak alien," beyond foreign dialects, to the point that even they do not know what they said and just tell him to finish[58:59]

Lessons from passengers and 100/100 relationship effort

Advice from an elderly couple on marriage

Stan recalls an older couple in his car who asked about his multiple failed marriages[1:01:20]
They asked if he and his exes each did 50% in the relationship; when he proudly said yes, they told him that was where he went wrong[1:02:23]
They said each partner should do 100%, not 50/50, and that this is where people mess up in marriage[1:02:20]
The husband also told Stan to say "Yes, dear" twice as often as "No, dear" as a practical guideline[1:04:16]

Jail time, holidays locked up, and reconciling with ex-wife

Christmas in jail and second wife context

Stan confirms he has been in jail over Christmas, including a stint in Charlotte over the holidays[1:06:58]
He says many inmates were unhappy and depressed, and he was released a couple of days after Christmas[1:07:09]
This jail time related to conflicts with his second wife, who also drank; though she was a good girl, the relationship had issues, but they now have a very good relationship as co-parents[1:07:42]
She is the mother of his daughter Unique and son Tariq, and he says they were young people with issues at the time[1:07:43]

Technology, guns, and physical confrontations

Views on driverless cars and personal boundaries

Theo shows Stan Waymo driverless cars; Stan says he does not like driverless cars at all because they could eliminate chauffeur jobs[1:08:24]
He also worries that if a driverless car hit him or his kid, he could not drag anyone out and beat them up, as he did once to a taxi driver in New York[1:08:50]

Assaulting a taxi driver after being hit

In 1999, after buying a conversion van in Charlotte and driving it to New York for Christmas, he was hit by a taxi near the Lincoln Tunnel after he had already passed the cab[1:09:26]
When he asked the cabbie why he hit him, the driver gave a "dumb" answer; still in a strong New York mindset, Stan dragged him out of the car by his ankle and beat him[1:09:48]
He went to jail in Manhattan, had to pay restitution for the driver's hospital bill, and entered a good behavior program for a year[1:10:16]

Driving escorts and refusing payment in sex

Driving for a manager of sex workers

Stan says he has driven escorts and at one point in Charlotte was the driver for a man who managed three or four girls who lived in one house[1:15:52]
One of the women chose Stan personally, and he drove them to their appointments while clarifying he was just paid transportation[1:16:07]
He refused to sit outside their appointments to avoid appearing part of the operation if there was an arrest, instead dropping them off and returning later[1:16:07]

Refusing "payment in pink"

The manager, who called himself "Script" or something similar, once asked Stan about a payment arrangement and suggested paying him "in pink," meaning with access to the women instead of money[1:16:39]
Stan refused, saying he got out of bed for green (money) not pink, and that he already had a woman at home[1:16:59]
He notes the women were all cute and maintained themselves with regular nail, hair, and gym routines, but he did not want to be impressed or paid with sex and asked them to keep that away from him[1:17:25]

Physical health issues: fused neck and back and limitations

Spinal fusions and mobility

Stan mentions that his cervical vertebrae C4,5,6,7,8 and lumbar L5-S1 are fused with titanium, giving him a "metal neck"[1:18:42]
He notes that despite this level of surgery, he retains good mobility compared to most people with similar operations, though he cannot do hardcore lifting or running and does not play basketball anymore[1:19:16]
He jokes that his fused neck is good for pleasing women because it allows him to keep his neck steady and "be there for a while"[1:19:27]

Contentment with chauffeuring career and optimism about life

Love for everyday clients and regional life

Stan says he has driven athletes, entertainers, and very rich people, but he especially loves driving common people out for Saturday night fun[1:19:05]
He praises the Carolinas' location with access to beaches like Myrtle Beach and Charleston, as well as nearby mountains and Tennessee, and notes they rarely get snow but have mosquitoes[1:10:16]
Theo highlights that Stan still feels excited about his life, love, and future, and Stan says he would gladly drive seven and a half hours from Columbia to do such conversations again[1:14:51]

Closing thoughts on being a chauffeur

Theo summarizes that anyone can be a driver, but being a chauffeur like Stan means creating an experience, keeping oneself secondary to the customer, maintaining safe distances, and keeping your head on a swivel[1:14:17]
Stan agrees his job is to make sure clients have a good time and says he has listeners and potential poetry performances, mentioning his persona as the "OG Poet" who is "fierce" with poetry[1:18:54]

Lessons Learned

Actionable insights and wisdom you can apply to your business, career, and personal life.

1

Service roles demand that you place the customer's experience and safety above your ego, anticipating their needs and quietly solving problems before they arise.

Reflection Questions:

  • • Where in your work or life do you default to thinking about your own comfort instead of the experience of the people you're serving?
  • • How could you start "ear hustling"-listening more carefully for indirect clues-so you can anticipate others' needs before they have to ask?
  • • What is one concrete habit you could add this week (like a pre-event checklist or safety scan) to make the people you serve feel more cared for and protected?
2

Clear personal boundaries, especially around sex and substances, protect you when others are intoxicated, emotional, or acting impulsively.

Reflection Questions:

  • • In what kinds of situations do you tend to compromise your boundaries because you don't want to upset or disappoint others?
  • • How might your life be different if you decided in advance which lines you will not cross when people are drunk, high, or overly flirtatious?
  • • What specific boundary could you articulate (to yourself and maybe to others) this week that would keep you out of trouble in high-risk situations?
3

Short-term thrills of street life or drug use often hide long-term costs that damage your health, dignity, and future opportunities.

Reflection Questions:

  • • What activities or habits in your life feel exciting in the moment but might be quietly undermining your health or goals over time?
  • • How could you use someone else's cautionary story about addiction or street life to make a different decision in your own circumstances?
  • • What is one risky behavior you could reduce or eliminate over the next month to better protect your long-term well-being?
4

Education and "being a nerd" are strategic advantages, not weaknesses; leaning into learning can open doors that social approval and street credibility never will.

Reflection Questions:

  • • Where have you downplayed your intelligence or curiosity just to fit in with a particular group?
  • • How could embracing your inner "nerd"-by studying, practicing, or specializing-change your options over the next five years?
  • • What specific subject or skill could you commit to studying more seriously starting this week, even if it feels uncool to those around you?
5

In close relationships, doing "your half" is rarely enough; sustainable partnerships come from two people each taking 100% responsibility for their contribution.

Reflection Questions:

  • • In your closest relationship, where are you mentally keeping score instead of asking what 100% effort from you would look like?
  • • How might your behavior change if you stopped expecting a 50/50 split and instead focused on bringing your full best self regardless of the other person's day-to-day performance?
  • • What is one area in a current relationship where you could quietly raise your own standard this week without demanding anything in return?
6

Anger and retaliation can feel justified in the moment, but legal and physical consequences are real, so learning de-escalation and smarter responses is a form of self-protection.

Reflection Questions:

  • • When was the last time your anger almost pushed you into an action that could have had serious long-term consequences?
  • • How could you prepare now-mentally or with specific strategies-to handle future confrontations in a way that keeps you safe and on the right side of the law?
  • • What is one practical de-escalation technique you can practice or adopt (like walking away, calling for help, or using humor) before you need it in a heated situation?
7

Love can be intense, messy, and irrational, but compassion doesn't require self-sacrifice without limits; you can care deeply and still decide a relationship must evolve or end.

Reflection Questions:

  • • Where are you excusing harmful behavior in the name of love, and how is that affecting your physical or emotional safety?
  • • How might your life improve if you defined what a healthy version of this relationship looks like and used that as your standard for staying or leaving?
  • • What specific boundary or condition could you communicate this week that would clarify how the relationship needs to change for you to remain in it?

Episode Summary - Notes by Hayden

#619 - Stan the Chauffeur
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