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The Mel Robbins Podcast

If You're Feeling Overwhelmed, You Need to Hear This

with Dr. K, Dr. Aditi Noorakar, Dr. Russell Kennedy

Published October 20, 2025
View Show Notes

About This Episode

Mel Robbins explains the crucial difference between stress and overwhelm and why confusing the two can contribute to burnout. Drawing on insights from psychiatrist Dr. K and physician Dr. Aditi Noorakar, she outlines a four-step, science-based process: label whether you're stressed or overwhelmed, use a specific breathing technique to reset your nervous system, perform a "brain dump" to offload mental load, and deliberately add a small, chosen challenge to restore a sense of control. The episode emphasizes that stress and overwhelm are biological states, not personal failings, and shows how simple practices can help listeners feel clearer and more in control.

Topics Covered

Stress management Anxiety Mental health Breathwork Sleep Habits Personal development Burnout Mental load

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Quick Takeaways

  • Stress is the feeling of pressure and can be healthy or unhealthy, while overwhelm is a threshold state where your capacity is exceeded and you psychologically shut down.
  • Healthy (adaptive) stress creates forward momentum, but chronic unhealthy (maladaptive) stress leads to symptoms like anxiety, insomnia, headaches, and burnout.
  • In stress and overwhelm, control shifts from the prefrontal cortex (planning, organization) to the amygdala (survival mode), making it hard to think, plan, or prioritize.
  • A specific breathing pattern-two quick inhales through the nose followed by a long exhale through the mouth-can rapidly shift your body from fight-or-flight into rest-and-digest.
  • Writing everything down in a "brain dump" (cognitive offloading) reduces mental strain, improves performance, and can help you fall asleep faster.
  • Overwhelm is driven less by how much you have to do and more by the ratio of passive challenges (things you didn't choose) to active challenges (things you choose).
  • When life feels out of control, deliberately adding one chosen challenge or action you care about can restore a sense of agency and reduce overwhelm.
  • Recognizing that stress and overwhelm are biological responses-not personal weaknesses-helps reduce self-blame and motivates using practical tools instead of judgment.

Podcast Notes

Episode introduction and promise

Mel's realization about stress versus overwhelm

She has used the words "stressed" and "overwhelmed" interchangeably her entire life[0:21]
• Only recently learned, through preparing this episode, that they describe very different medical states in the brain and body
Misusing these terms contributed to her burnout[0:26]
• Because she didn't recognize when she had moved from manageable stress into true overwhelm, she kept pushing instead of resetting
She believes listeners are also paying a price for not knowing the difference[0:26]
• She ties this to common experiences like the brain "shutting down" when there is too much to do

Reassurance and connection with overwhelmed listeners

Mel normalizes feeling overwhelmed[0:15]
• She emphasizes that feeling like your brain has shut down does not mean you are crazy, lazy, or alone
She shares that she has personally been in those states[0:50]
• Her own experience motivates her to create a clear, actionable guide for listeners

Overview of four-step solution and expert sources

She will teach four steps to get out of overwhelm when life feels like too much[0:50]
• These steps are meant to help listeners move from feeling flooded and stuck back to feeling clear and in control
The four steps come directly from two medical experts familiar to her audience[0:56]
• She describes them as two of the audience's favorite medical experts who have appeared on the podcast and are quoted in her "Let Them Theory" book
Experts will explain the medical difference between stress and overwhelm and why the steps work biologically[1:12]
• By the end, listeners should know how to recognize which state they are in and how to pull themselves out of overwhelm

Clarifying the difference between stress and overwhelm

Why the topic matters right now

Mel notes that many listeners from around the world write in using words like "overwhelmed" and "stressed out"[4:41]
• This volume of messages prompted her to consult medical experts to clarify what to do in each state

Mel's first mistake: using stress and overwhelm interchangeably

She learned from experts that stress and overwhelm are medically different brain/body states[5:18]
• Recognizing which state you are in is the first step to taking control
Stress defined as pressure[5:55]
• She describes stress as pressure you feel, akin to stepping on the gas and going "go, go, go"
• Stress can be positive and motivating, such as a deadline that pushes you to get work done or a busy podcast taping day
Overwhelm defined as exceeding capacity[6:43]
• Overwhelm happens when stress and pressure have built up over many days, weeks, months, or years to the point you cannot keep up anymore
• In overwhelm, you cannot think, prioritize, or keep going; it feels like hitting a wall and reaching your capacity
Personal way she distinguishes the two states[7:17]
• For Mel, stress feels like she can keep powering through, while overwhelm feels like total shutdown and inability to continue

Concrete examples of stress versus overwhelm

Work email example[7:43]
• Stress: answering one email while three more arrive with "ding" notifications, causing pressure to rise but still functioning
• Overwhelm: opening an inbox with 342 unanswered emails, feeling unable to start, staring at the screen and forgetting why you logged on
Home and caregiving example[8:24]
• Scenario: you come home after work and taking your mom to a doctor's appointment, realize there is no dinner plan, no food for the dog, and many unanswered emails
• Overwhelm shows up as sitting on the couch and crying or feeling so shut down you cannot even cry or decide what to order for dinner
Overwhelm as a threshold and capacity issue[9:06]
• She emphasizes that in overwhelm, the brain feels maxed out, focus is gone, and there is either numbness or intense "oh my God" emotion
• She calls overwhelm a "total collapse" where the system shuts down because load exceeds capacity

Why the distinction matters for tools and recovery

Stress relief versus overwhelm recovery[9:23]
• Stress responds well to problem solving that reduces pressure; as you solve, stress eases
• Overwhelm is not solved by standard problem solving because you have already hit capacity; it requires a reset
Three levels of reset Mel will target[10:41]
• Biological: resetting the body's capacity to handle stress and overwhelm
• Mental: resetting the mind to restore clarity and reduce overload
• Balance of incoming vs. chosen: resetting the mix between what is coming at you and what you consciously choose

Step one: label whether you are stressed or overwhelmed

Importance of accurate labeling

Differentiate situational stress from full overwhelm[15:11]
• Stress examples: cooking dinner, annoying traffic, or someone laying a guilt trip that makes you feel pressure
• Overwhelm: feeling life is coming at you, loss of control, and brain maxed out beyond capacity
First step is simply to pause and name the state[14:17]
• She suggests saying to yourself either "I'm stressed out because..." or "I'm actually in a state of overwhelm"

Transition to medical experts' guidance

Mel brings in Dr. K for his perspective[15:11]
• Dr. K is introduced as a Harvard-trained psychiatrist specializing in modern mental health, known online as Healthy Gamer, with millions of YouTube followers
Mel wants doctors to explain what to do once you identify that you are beyond stress and in overwhelm[15:11]
• She defers to them because she is not a medical doctor and wants medically grounded strategies

Dr. K on overwhelm and loss of control

How overwhelmed patients describe their experience

Life feels like it is coming at them too fast from all directions[16:55]
• Examples he gives: boss demands, kids' needs, someone sick, back-to-school shopping-all at once
Core feeling is being completely out of control[18:00]
• It's not just too many tasks, but that many of them are not chosen and feel unmanageable

Key insight: control and choice drive overwhelm

You don't feel overwhelmed just from dealing with too much[17:45]
• He states you get overwhelmed when many of the things you are dealing with are not under your control
Overwhelm is about carrying too many unchosen challenges and too few chosen ones[18:40]
• Mel highlights his phrase "too many challenges that you didn't choose and too few that you did" as crucial

Mel's interpretation of Dr. K's insight

Stress versus overwhelm through the lens of control[19:43]
• In stress, you are cruising through things with pressure; in overwhelm, life feels like it is coming at you uncontrollably until you tap out
Sources of uncontrollable load[20:11]
• Examples include nonstop deadlines, moving goalposts at work, caring for someone with chronic illness, or distressing headlines
Overwhelm often means priorities you didn't choose are crowding out things you care about[20:44]
• She explains that feeling out of control arises because the load coming at you exceeds your capacity, triggering shutdown

Dr. Aditi on types of stress and brain biology

Two kinds of stress: healthy and unhealthy

Healthy stress (adaptive stress) moves your life forward[16:44]
• Examples: getting a promotion or new job, falling in love, having a baby, graduating, planning a vacation, rooting for a sports team
• It creates forward momentum and is part of everything good in life
Unhealthy stress (maladaptive stress) is unproductive and dysfunctional[17:20]
• It interferes with daily functioning and is what people mean when they say they had a stressful week or year
• Symptoms include anxiety, insomnia, depression, headaches, abdominal pain, back pain, and many other physical and mental issues
Zero stress is not the goal[18:15]
• She says it is biologically impossible to have no stress; the goal is healthy, manageable stress that serves you instead of harms you

Brain regions involved in stress and overwhelm

Prefrontal cortex role in normal functioning[18:55]
• Located behind the forehead, it governs memory, planning, organization, and strategic thinking
• Under normal circumstances, this is the part of the brain leading your behavior and decisions
Amygdala role under stress[19:43]
• During periods of stress, the amygdala, a small almond-shaped structure deep in the brain, takes over
• The amygdala's sole purpose is survival and self-preservation-"cave person mode"
Chronic stress leads to burnout and overwhelm[21:12]
• Short periods of functioning in "cave person mode" are manageable, but when stress is chronic, burnout can set in
• Overwhelm is described as "psychological flooding"-being flooded with big negative emotions driven by the stress response

What happens when chronic stress and overwhelm are present

Amygdala dominance and prefrontal cortex going offline[21:12]
• Under chronic stress and overwhelm, the amygdala is governing behavior, and prefrontal cortex tasks like planning and organizing are not available
Why simple planning feels impossible in overwhelm[21:19]
• She says if you are struggling to plan even basic things like making dinner or meal prepping, it is not a personal failing but biology

Reframing stress and overwhelm as biology, not personal failure

Mel emphasizes "it's not you, it's your biology"

Key quote from Dr. Aditi[21:33]
• Mel highlights Dr. Aditi's statement: "It's not a personal failing. It's your biology" as game-changing
Impact of understanding the biological basis[22:01]
• Realizing stress and overwhelm are biological responses allows you to stop judging yourself as weak or behind
• She underscores that humans are not robots or AI and are not designed to "handle it all" indefinitely
Metaphor of juggling balls versus juggling knives[22:40]
• Stress is like juggling many balls; overwhelm is like juggling knives, where you freeze because you don't want to drop anything or get hurt

Encouragement to share the episode

Mel suggests listeners likely know someone who is overwhelmed[23:06]
• She encourages sharing the episode with friends, coworkers, or family members because it might help them reset and regain control

Step two: biological reset through breathing

Breath as the second step after labeling

Why breathing is emphasized despite skepticism[28:10]
• Mel anticipates eye-rolling about "just breathe" but insists this is based on biology and physiology, not vague advice
Breath can alter biological state of stress and overwhelm[28:36]
• The goal is to use breath as a manual override to change how the body is responding in the moment

Dr. Aditi explains why breath is uniquely powerful

Breath is under both voluntary and involuntary control[29:03]
• Unlike brainwaves or digestion, breathing can be controlled consciously and also runs automatically
• This dual control makes breath a powerful gateway to resetting the stress response

The specific breathing technique: double in, then flush

Names and sources of the technique[29:41]
• This pattern is known in science as cyclic breathing or the physiological sigh
• Mel learned it from Dr. Russell Kennedy (the "anxiety MD") and notes Stanford research and Dr. Andrew Huberman discuss it extensively
Mel's simple name: "when life's too much, double in, then flush"[30:12]
• Two quick inhales through the nose, then one long exhale through the mouth
Usage and effects[30:29]
• Repeating this pattern for about a minute will make you feel different in the moment
• Stanford research cited by Mel suggests doing it for five minutes a day can reduce anxiety more than meditation

Dr. Aditi on nervous system toggling via breath

Two branches of the nervous system[32:32]
• Sympathetic nervous system: fight-or-flight, powered by the amygdala
• Parasympathetic nervous system: rest-and-digest, responsible for relaxation and recovery
Mutual exclusivity of these systems[33:01]
• They function like a light switch: when one is on, the other is off; they cannot be fully active at the same time
Breath as the toggle between systems[33:14]
• In anxiety, overwhelm, or chronic stress, people tend to breathe quickly and shallowly in the chest (thoracic breathing)
• In relaxation, people breathe slowly and deeply into the belly (diaphragmatic breathing)
• Taking a few slow, deep breaths can move you from sympathetic activation back into parasympathetic rest-and-digest

Mel's simple explanation and instinctive example

Crying and instinctive double inhale[34:16]
• She describes moments of sobbing where you naturally hiccup or double inhale before exhaling, which instinctively resets arousal
Conscious use of the same pattern[34:25]
• The deliberate double inhale and long exhale mimics that instinctive reset and helps exit panic or racing-heart states
• On the long exhale, she mentally imagines dropping back into her body and into belly breathing

Step three: mental reset through brain dump (cognitive offloading)

Why a brain dump follows labeling and breathing

Biology first, then thoughts[36:09]
• After labeling the state and using breath to reset biology, she wants to address the overload of thoughts by emptying them

How to do a brain dump

Definition and basic instructions[36:32]
• Get a piece of paper and pen (or open a document) and write down everything that is on your mind
• This includes tasks, to-dos, worries, reminders, and emotional burdens
No editing or organizing allowed[36:44]
• She stresses this is not a planning exercise but a purge; you should not structure or filter the content
Examples of what to dump[37:14]
• Practical items: calling a parent, picking up prescriptions, emailing about a budget, texting a friend whose birthday you forgot, school permission slips, registrations, doctors' appointments
• Emotional items: awkward conversations you are avoiding, resentment toward a partner doing less than their fair share, kids' anxiety, relationships you are quietly checking out of
• Ruminations: things you think about at 2 a.m., lingering worries, and odd recurring thoughts

Mel's personal example of a nagging task

Backed-up sink story[37:30]
• Her sink has been backing up for months; she often has several inches of water while brushing her teeth
• She absentmindedly placed a plugged-in curling iron into the water-filled sink and was surprised she didn't electrocute herself
• She thinks about fixing it all the time but never does; it's exactly the kind of mental tab that belongs in a brain dump

Scientific concept: cognitive offloading

Meta-analysis on writing things down[39:18]
• A meta-analysis from 2025 is cited showing that writing things down (cognitive offloading) reduces mental strain and improves performance
• The brain performs better when it does not have to remember everything
Brain as processor, not storage[39:59]
• She explains that the brain is not a storage unit; it is a processor, and overloading it with storage duties clogs it
• She compares it to a computer with a thousand tabs open; the system slows or locks up when storage is maxed
• Overwhelm is not a broken brain but a brain at capacity

Mental load and gender

Studies show mental load is disproportionately carried by women[45:53]
• She mentions women often carry birthdays, school emails, pet meds, appointments, emotional state of the family, holiday planning, cooking, cleaning, and folding
Redistributing the load starts with making it visible[46:17]
• The brain dump gives clarity and a concrete list you can point to when asking for help or setting boundaries

When to do a brain dump and sleep research

Best times to brain dump[46:56]
• Any time after labeling and breathing is useful because your biology has been reset enough to think more clearly
Baylor University study on bedtime writing[47:00]
• One group journaled about what they had accomplished that day, while another group wrote down all their unfinished tasks
• Those who wrote unfinished tasks fell asleep 9-10 minutes faster than those who wrote about completed tasks
• This improvement is comparable to effects from some prescription sleep aids in clinical trials, according to Mel

Zygarnik effect and open loops

Explanation of the Zygarnik effect[49:11]
• The brain hates open loops-unfinished tasks, lingering ideas, and incomplete actions
• The mind keeps cycling through them to prevent forgetting, which interferes with sleep and peace of mind
Why writing unfinished tasks helps sleep[49:17]
• When the brain sees a written list, it recognizes that the items are captured and stops obsessively reminding you
• Thus, if you are lying awake thinking about emails and errands, the fix is a brain dump, not just external sleep aids

Step four: restoring control by adding active challenges

Revisiting Dr. K to understand overwhelm more deeply

Two types of obligations the brain processes[49:57]
• Passive challenges: things that happen to you without your choosing, such as paying taxes or dealing with illness in family members
• Active challenges: things you choose to take on, like deciding one morning to learn to bake sourdough
Overwhelm is driven by the ratio, not absolute number[51:32]
• Whether your brain feels overwhelmed depends on the ratio of passive to active challenges, not just how many things you are doing
When life speeds up, people drop the things they choose[51:46]
• He notes that under heavy demands, people stop writing their book, exercising, or learning hobbies because they feel they have no time
• This unintentionally decreases the percentage of life activities that are under their control

Mel's reaction to the passive/active challenge framework

Recognition that overwhelm crowds out chosen activities[52:34]
• She observes that in overwhelm, your plate ends up full of bills, work, caregiving, and crises you did not choose
Examples of unchosen burdens[53:00]
• She mentions kids' anxiety, tough job markets, job searching, and divorce as situations you did not choose but must handle

Dr. K's counterintuitive solution: add an active challenge

Patients wish life would send them less, but that's not the main strategy[53:42]
• Most overwhelmed patients wish bosses, obligations, or systems would ease up, but those external factors are not fully in their control
Clinical technique: take control of one thing[53:56]
• In psychiatry, a research-supported method is to have patients start by taking control of one specific area in life
• For people in addiction, divorce, legal trouble, or job probation, that might mean deciding "I'm not going to drink today"
How adding control reduces overwhelm[54:38]
• As people start to exert control over a single domain, their brains feel less overwhelmed and better able to handle passive challenges

Mel's initial skepticism and eventual agreement

Her first reaction: "this makes no sense"[55:54]
• She questions how taking on more could help when she already feels at capacity and unable to do anything
Reframing: adding something you care about as self-signal[55:38]
• On reflection, she sees the value: introducing one action you care about signals to yourself that your own priorities still matter
• Examples: daily job searching if unemployed, picking up a book instead of the phone at night, or committing not to drink
Stop dropping what matters most to you[55:59]
• She urges listeners to stop letting go of meaningful activities and instead add at least one back in to rebalance control

Practical examples of adding an active challenge

Mel's partner Chris's habit[56:08]
• For Chris, the chosen action is writing every morning no matter what is happening in life
Possible actions for listeners[56:28]
• Ideas include walking every day, cutting out alcohol or sugar, closing the laptop at a set time each evening, or taking a real lunch break
• These actions function as boundaries and self-care, reinforcing a sense of agency

Summary of the four steps and closing encouragement

Recap of the four-step protocol

Step 1: label stress versus overwhelm[58:35]
• Recognize whether you are in manageable pressure or psychological flooding and call it by its name
Step 2: do the double-in, flush breathing[58:40]
• Use two quick inhales through the nose and a long exhale through the mouth to reset your nervous system biologically
Step 3: brain dump to cognitively offload[58:40]
• Set a 10-minute timer and write down every task, worry, and thought; doing it at night can also improve sleep latency
Step 4: add one meaningful, chosen action[59:09]
• Select a specific thing important to you (exercise, creative work, boundary, or sobriety) and commit to it to rebalance control

Why these steps matter for making life better

Understanding stress versus overwhelm is foundational[59:41]
• She says understanding the difference and using the four steps will not only make you feel better but help you do what you need to improve your life

Mel's closing message and disclaimer

Expression of belief and support[1:00:06]
• She tells listeners she loves them, believes in them, and believes in their ability to create a better life
Encouragement to share the episode[1:00:46]
• She thanks listeners for sharing the episode with people they care about and says it can help others reset stress and overwhelm
Legal clarification of the podcast's role[1:00:35]
• Mel states the podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only, she is not a licensed therapist, and it is not a substitute for professional advice

Lessons Learned

Actionable insights and wisdom you can apply to your business, career, and personal life.

1

Distinguishing between stress and overwhelm allows you to choose the right response-problem-solving for short-term pressure, or full-system reset when you've hit capacity.

Reflection Questions:

  • • What situations in your life right now are actually overwhelm, not just stress, when you apply the definitions from this episode?
  • • How could labeling your state more accurately change the way you respond the next time you feel like shutting down?
  • • What specific cues (thoughts, behaviors, body sensations) can you watch for that tell you you've crossed from stress into overwhelm?
2

Your breath is a direct lever on your nervous system; using deliberate patterns like the double inhale and long exhale can quickly shift you out of fight-or-flight and into a calmer state.

Reflection Questions:

  • • When during a typical day do you notice your breathing becoming shallow or rapid, indicating your sympathetic system is dominant?
  • • How might practicing the double-in, flush breathing for a few minutes daily change the way you handle spikes of anxiety or pressure?
  • • What is one recurring stressful moment (meeting, commute, family interaction) where you will intentionally use this breathing technique this week?
3

Externalizing your mental load through a brain dump frees cognitive resources, reduces mental strain, and can even improve your sleep by closing open loops.

Reflection Questions:

  • • What categories of thoughts and tasks are currently spinning in your head that you rarely write down?
  • • How could scheduling a 10-minute nightly brain dump change your ability to relax before sleep over the next month?
  • • Which tools or formats (paper notebook, phone app, shared list) will you use to make cognitive offloading a consistent habit?
4

Overwhelm is heavily influenced by the ratio of unchosen obligations to chosen challenges, so deliberately adding one meaningful, self-chosen action can restore a sense of control.

Reflection Questions:

  • • Where in your life do you feel that almost everything on your plate has been imposed on you rather than chosen by you?
  • • How might committing to a single daily practice you genuinely care about (like walking, writing, or a boundary around work) shift your feeling of agency?
  • • What is one small, realistic active challenge you can add this week that signals to you that your own priorities still matter?
5

Seeing stress and overwhelm as biological responses rather than moral failings reduces self-blame and opens the door to using practical tools instead of criticism.

Reflection Questions:

  • • In what ways have you interpreted your past shutdowns or stuckness as personal weakness instead of a biological overload?
  • • How would your self-talk change in moments of flooding if you truly believed your brain was doing exactly what it was wired to do?
  • • What supportive phrase or reminder can you adopt to replace harsh self-judgment the next time you feel maxed out?

Episode Summary - Notes by Cameron

If You're Feeling Overwhelmed, You Need to Hear This
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