How to Build the Life You Want (Even When You Feel Overloaded, Exhausted, & Uncertain)

with Kelly Girardi

Published September 25, 2025
View Show Notes

About This Episode

Mel Robbins interviews astronaut and bioastronautics researcher Kelly Girardi about how she went from a coat check job at the Explorers Club to flying a science mission to space. Kelly explains her mindset around expanding what you believe is possible, intentionally designing your reputation, and balancing motherhood with a demanding and unconventional career. She also shares, in detail, her ongoing IVF journey, recurrent pregnancy loss, and why she chooses to be transparent about her struggles in real time to reduce stigma and help others feel less alone.

Topics Covered

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Quick Takeaways

  • Kelly argues that ordinary people can make themselves capable of extraordinary things by adjusting the limits they place on their own imagination.
  • Intentionally designing your reputation-by choosing the adjectives you want others to associate with you and behaving accordingly-can create opportunities from any starting point, even a coat check job.
  • Her experience of viewing Earth from space gave her a profound sense of perspective and inner peace, reinforcing how small individual problems are compared to the larger whole.
  • As a mother and astronaut, Kelly openly rejects the idea that women must choose between motherhood and big ambitions, while also acknowledging the ongoing reality of guilt and trade-offs.
  • By sharing her IVF journey and miscarriage in real time, she challenges the expectation that women should suffer fertility struggles in silence and emphasizes that sharing does not make you a burden.
  • Kelly uses the mindset "why not me?"-rooted in humility and confidence-to keep pursuing multiple big goals and to push past fear of judgment and failure.
  • She distinguishes between guilt and regret in parenting decisions, allowing herself to feel guilt without letting it dictate her choices.
  • Both Kelly and Mel emphasize examining what you actually fear about criticism, and recognizing that people will judge you whether you play big or small.
  • Kelly's guiding rule when hitting a brick wall is to change her approach, not her goal, and to see failed attempts as learning rather than final failure.
  • She encourages listeners at any age or stage to give themselves permission to dream bigger, identify what energizes them, and envision a fully expanded version of their life.

Podcast Notes

Opening and framing of the episode

Mel introduces the theme of exploring bigger possibilities

Description of Kelly Girardi and core truths she will share[0:21]
Mel says Kelly has a "hidden code" for transforming dreams into reality and went from working as a coat check girl at a club to becoming an astronaut.
Mel previews three truths from Kelly: rules are made to be broken, people will judge you no matter what you do, and hiding isn't strength, it's self-destruction.
Mel notes that millions follow Kelly not just for space content but for her willingness to share difficult topics like infertility and IVF with millions of people online.
Mel says Kelly proves that speaking your truth-even when messy or scary-helps you reclaim your power.
Mel sets up the promise of the episode[1:28]
Mel tells listeners they are not too old, young, or late to imagine a bigger possibility for their life and make it reality.
She says the episode will give Kelly's blueprint to see bigger possibilities for your life starting today.

Formal introduction of Kelly and her credentials

Mel welcomes new and returning listeners

Mel frames the guest as an "unstoppable force"[4:57]
Mel calls it an honor to spend time with listeners and personally welcomes new listeners to the "Mel Robbins podcast family."
She describes Kelly as one of the most unstoppable forces in science, space, and on social media.

Kelly's professional background and achievements

Overview of Kelly's space and research roles[5:02]
Kelly is a bioastronautics researcher and director of human spaceflight operations at the International Institute for Astronautical Sciences.
She first flew on a science mission to space with the International Institute for Astronautical Sciences in 2023.
She is headed back to space in 2026 to lead her second research mission as an astronaut.
Kelly's microgravity research experience[5:27]
Kelly has completed more than 150 microgravity research flight campaigns.
Her microgravity work has included collaborations with MIT, the National Research Council of Canada, and the Canadian Space Agency.
Kelly's public presence and influence[5:43]
Mel notes that Kelly brings people behind the scenes to show how her work in space and research actually functions in public.
Kelly has built a global audience of more than 2 million followers.
Time magazine named Kelly to its top 100 creators list.
Mel sets intention for the conversation[6:03]
Mel says Kelly is here to hand listeners her blueprint for dreaming bigger starting today.
Mel formally welcomes "astronaut Kelly Girardi" to the podcast, and Kelly expresses excitement to be there.

Kelly's core mindset: ordinary vs. extraordinary and adjusting mental limits

Speaking directly to the listener about what can change

Kelly's earlier view of success and extraordinary people[6:38]
Kelly says she used to look at people's "success reel" and see their accomplishments as unrealistic and out of reach.
Her earlier assumption was that extraordinary things are reserved for extraordinary people and that success just falls on them.
Shift to believing ordinary people can do extraordinary things[7:23]
Kelly says the more interesting truth is that ordinary people can make themselves capable of extraordinary things.
She emphasizes that it is never too late to do this.
Adjusting the limiter on your imagination[7:12]
Kelly describes adjusting the limiter as rewriting your limits and zooming your vision board out by a factor of 30, 50, or 100.
She says the only one applying the limit to your imagination is you.
Adjusting the limiter means giving yourself permission to envision yourself in the world that inspires you, doing the things you are intrigued by.

Kelly's early life and first exposure to space

Growing up in Jupiter, Florida near Cape Canaveral

Physical proximity to spaceflight[9:36]
Kelly was born in Jupiter, Florida, which she notes is "very on brand" for someone who loves space.
Her parents joked she had front row seats to the final frontier at Cape Canaveral up the coast.
On a clear day, from Jupiter you can see the rockets launching from Cape Canaveral, and she says it's extraordinary and still magical to watch.
Impact on childhood imagination[10:06]
Having human spaceflight as the backdrop of her adolescence made a big impression on Kelly.
Despite being inspired, she did not immediately connect that she herself could be part of that world; she saw astronauts as extraordinary humans doing something reserved for extraordinary humans.

From coat check to leadership: designing a reputation and seizing proximity

Working coat check at The Explorers Club

Why Kelly took the job[10:55]
In college, Kelly discovered The Explorers Club, a scientific organization with members who were first to the North Pole, South Pole, surface of the moon, and deepest point of the ocean.
She was captivated by the club and wanted to be around those boundary-pushing, extraordinary people, hoping some of it might rub off on her.
She happily took a coat check job there because it put her in proximity to explorers and top people in their fields.
Giving 150% to any job[13:39]
Kelly says she was really good at coat check, had a system, and took it very seriously.
She shares a personal theme: no matter what job is in front of her, she tries to give 150% to it.
For her, it's important to seek the important work, not just the glamorous work, because showing you can crush even unglamorous tasks demonstrates follow-through and capability.

Concept of designing your reputation

Choosing adjectives for how you want to be perceived[14:50]
Kelly believes you can design your own reputation if you put in the work to make it true.
At every job, she sits down with a piece of paper and writes the adjectives she wants colleagues to associate with her.
For coat check, her adjectives included: attention to detail, responsible, professional, thorough, and someone who remembered your name and made an impression.
In her current spaceflight work, adjectives include collaboration, attention to detail, and meticulous care for equipment and colleagues.
Reinforcing behaviors to match the reputation[15:23]
Kelly consciously reinforces the behaviors that match her chosen adjectives over and over to build that reputation.
She notes that even when opportunities are not immediately visible, this preparation can make you worthy of opportunities when they arise.

From coat check to event chair to board member

Earning more responsibility at The Explorers Club[18:31]
Because she could be trusted with more, she was asked to chair the club's biggest fundraising event, New York City's longest running charity event, the Explorers Club annual dinner.
Full-circle moment a decade later[18:33]
About a decade after working coat check, Kelly went from that role to being appointed to the board of directors and the executive board of The Explorers Club.
She sees this as validation that her approach to creating her reputation and putting in the work paid off in a big way.

Kelly's microgravity research and first spaceflight experience

Microgravity research flights ("vomit comet")

Goal of using space as a laboratory[19:32]
Kelly's dream was to open up access to space for the next generation of scientists, so they could use space as a laboratory to benefit humanity.
How microgravity flights work on Earth[19:50]
On Earth, microgravity is achieved by flying an airplane in a rollercoaster-like profile where it free-falls and then pulls up repeatedly.
During each brief free-fall, you get about 20-22 seconds of microgravity or weightlessness.
Using an aircraft operated with the National Research Council of Canada, Kelly's institute and research teams use those 20-second increments to study things like fluid dynamics and human health.
Desire for longer-duration exposure in space[20:29]
Kelly says a researcher's dream is to get longer-duration exposure to microgravity-consecutive minutes instead of seconds.
She wanted a future where, instead of sending research with someone else, researchers and scientists could carry their own experiments to space.

Emotional and practical aspects of her first spaceflight

Going into the mission with scientific focus[20:49]
Kelly describes her first spaceflight as more than a decade in the making, and she felt ready and focused on getting the data because it was her one shot with no do-over.
Unexpected emotional impact[21:24]
Although she felt prepared on the science side, she says nothing could have prepared her for the emotional side of human spaceflight.
After securing the experiment, she looked out the window and felt indescribable awe, experiencing Earth as a planet rather than just an image.
She felt humbled by seeing something so few humans have ever seen and realized she was a small part of something much bigger.
As a mom, she had the existential realization that in that moment she was not on the same planet as her baby.
Effect on her perspective and inner peace[22:51]
Kelly says the experience gave her a forced perspective shift that helped her not sweat the small stuff, attaching a powerful mental image to that message.
She describes it as something in her soul clicking and feeling she had accomplished what she set out to do in this life.
Awareness of risk and "good day / bad day" press releases[23:31]
Kelly had confidence in the team and engineers and notes they transformed the cabin into a suborbital science lab.
She took risk seriously, mentioning that test pilot life had been lost in past testing.
Before the flight, she found two draft press releases in a team folder: a "good day" version (if everything went right) and a "bad day" emergency version (if something went catastrophically wrong).
Reading the bad-day draft that said "she is survived by" with her daughter's and husband's names crystallized the experience from her family's perspective and made her emotional, but did not change her decision to fly.

Long-term pursuit of big dreams and sustaining motivation

Advice to her 20-year-old coat check self

Validating early instincts[24:47]
Kelly says she would pat her 20-year-old self on the back and tell her she is doing a great job with those coats and has good instincts.
Importance of staying motivated over time[25:02]
She would tell her younger self that with big, bold dreams, the trick is not figuring everything out as fast as possible but keeping yourself motivated for as long as possible.
Big dreams may feel very far from where you are, so you need resilience to power through ups, downs, plateaus, and even decades where it feels like nothing happens, to eventually reach moments where it feels like decades happen.

Public sharing, women in STEM, and motherhood criticism

Why Kelly shares her work and life online

Motivation to show a new pathway into space[26:08]
Kelly likes showing her path because it represents a new era of access for scientists to carry their own research into space.
She believes many people can relate to her as an ordinary person with a research career who had a big, once-inaccessible dream that came true.

Balancing motherhood, marriage, and an astronaut career

Identity as a mom and visible representation[26:58]
Kelly says being a mom is a big part of her identity and she believes visible representation of embracing multiple roles is important.
Surprise at motherhood criticism[27:10]
She has been surprised by criticism that a mother is selfish if she pursues personal passions or career ambitions alongside her family.
She notes this is the same society that insists we want more women in STEM and sells astronaut dolls to girls, but then criticizes mothers for pursuing those dreams.
Kelly says she feels no shame about her choices and is grateful to set an example for her daughter, hoping her daughter probes the boundaries of her full potential.

Nora Ephron's glass vs plastic balls analogy

Using the analogy for work-life juggle[32:46]
Kelly uses Nora Ephron's analogy that in juggling life, some balls are glass and some are plastic, and the trick is knowing which is which.
She admits she sometimes misjudges, treating a research deadline or school event as plastic when it was actually breakable, and vice versa.

Handling criticism, mom guilt, and the Let Them Theory

Kelly's most triggering criticism

Motherhood-related criticism gets under her skin[34:27]
Kelly says motherhood-related criticism triggers her most, especially claims that she is selfish or a bad mom for prioritizing her passions.
She rejects that criticism intellectually but admits it still sparks a reaction because she cares so much about her daughter.

Distinguishing guilt from regret in parenting choices

Traveling for work while her daughter is upset[36:33]
Kelly recalls mornings when she left for a plane while her daughter cried and said "don't go," and Kelly later cried on the plane.
She learned to distinguish between guilt (feeling bad in the moment) and regret (wishing she hadn't gone) and notes she does not regret pursuing her work.

Qualifying which criticism matters

Source of criticism and intent[40:09]
Kelly reminds herself that online criticism often comes from people she would not seek career advice from and who do not have her best intentions at heart.
She says she has to qualify criticism before absorbing it and protect her peace with boundaries around her online presence.
She notes that her life is not a town square and that she reserves the right to change her mind at any time.
Supportive inner circle[40:58]
Kelly says close people have expressed concern about her going to space from a place of love, which she distinguishes from bad-faith criticism.
Her husband is anxious on launch day but also immensely proud, knowing the flight was over a decade in the making, and he constantly cheers her on.

Mel's use of the Let Them Theory with criticism

Letting others think and say what they will[42:02]
Mel explains that the Let Them Theory helped her see it's a waste of energy to engage with people online who are criticizing rather than seeking to understand.
She repeats the phrase "let them"-let them say what they're going to say or misunderstand-since she cannot control others' thoughts but can rely on knowing her own truth and intentions.

IVF journey, miscarriage, and choosing transparency

Kelly's history of infertility and pregnancy loss

Secondary infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss[44:25]
Kelly says that for nearly eight years since her daughter was born, she has struggled with secondary infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss.
Why she began sharing IVF in real time[44:33]
Although infertility and loss were not new to her, sharing them in real time was new.
As she shared so much about her career and life, it felt remiss not to talk about the "1,000-pound elephant" on her chest: IVF.
She notes IVF becomes all-consuming-mentally, emotionally, physically, financially-and becomes the A-plot of your life.
She cancelled this podcast episode twice due to IVF-related events: a shifted transfer timing and then a miscarriage.
She wanted to destigmatize IVF because many women navigate it invisibly while still showing up everywhere else in life.

What IVF looked like in practice for her

Daily hormone injections and physical toll[49:07]
Before egg retrieval, she took shots every day, mixing medications and injecting them into her stomach on a very specific schedule, including while traveling.
She describes her hormones as completely out of whack, making everything feel like technicolor in the worst way.
Egg retrieval, embryo attrition, and initial transfer[50:00]
In her last round, she had 26 eggs retrieved and initially felt amazing about that number.
She then experienced attrition: counting how many eggs fertilized, how many reached the blastocyst stage at five days, and how many passed genetic testing.
After all these stages, she was left with one single embryo and was shattered, feeling she had only one chance.
The transfer worked and she became pregnant, experiencing nine weeks of "miraculous joy" that she shared in real time with her audience.

The nine-week "graduation" appointment and miscarriage

Expectation of graduation to regular OB care[51:58]
At nine weeks she went to what the IVF clinic called her "graduation" appointment, shifting care from the fertility clinic to a regular OB.
The mood in the room was celebratory, with her doctor and multiple nurses present.
Realizing the loss[52:28]
During the ultrasound she noticed "deafening silence" and immediately knew something was wrong; her heart dropped.
It was shocking because everything had gone perfectly up to that point, with a highly graded genetically tested embryo and strong heartbeats on prior scans.
She reflects that there are always people on the sad side of low-probability statistics, and this time she was one of them.
Leaving the clinic and sharing the unannouncement[52:52]
She had expected to write an inspirational note on a wall of Post-its for graduates of the clinic, but instead she left through a discreet back door in tears.
She shared the update with her audience, feeling grief but no embarrassment or shame about "unannouncing" the pregnancy.

Debate about sharing pregnancy news early

Reactions claiming she shared too soon[54:02]
Kelly received many comments saying it was too soon to share and using her story as validation for the idea of waiting 12 weeks.
She notes she has tried multiple approaches: keeping everything to herself and suffering a loss in silence, waiting past the first trimester then unannouncing after a later loss, and now sharing early in real time.
She rejects the feeling that this should be a private burden navigated alone.
Mel's perspective on hope vs bracing for disappointment[55:06]
Mel says the pregnancy will unfold the same way regardless, so she prefers to spend the early weeks living in hope and optimism rather than bracing for disappointment.
She argues that bracing does not reduce future disappointment and instead adds extra weeks of suffering.
Mel emphasizes that people do not have assurance in life, so she chooses openness and optimism, grieving only when necessary rather than in advance.

Sharing struggles, community support, and not being a burden

Key lesson from IVF about sharing struggles

Unlearning the idea that sharing makes you a burden[1:00:16]
Kelly's biggest takeaway is that sharing your struggles does not make you a burden to people who care about you.
She notes many people fear being the "sad sack" in the group chat or making others walk on eggshells, which can limit them from reaching out.
Her experience has shown that people who care about you are waiting for the opportunity to show up for you if you let them.
Relief and support from community[1:01:02]
She calls it a blessing to lean on her community, friends, and family, and notes that some supporters are people she has never met who send prayers from around the world.
She encourages involving trusted inner-circle people so they can show up with empathy, compassion, and support.

Transparency as pressure release and identity integration

Transparency vs bravery[1:02:34]
Kelly says people often conflate transparency with bravery, but to her it's just sharing what's actually happening that day in her life.
She experiences transparency as a pressure-release valve, freeing her from having to compartmentalize different parts of her life for different audiences.
Being fully herself also helps attract people who can accept all parts of her and weed out those who cannot.

Balancing big dreams, IVF, and the "why not me" mindset

Holding grief and hope ahead of another transfer

Mindset going into the next IVF transfer[1:03:42]
Kelly is about ten days away from another embryo transfer and believes in setting an intention and caring for her mental and emotional state.
She allowed herself to get her hopes up last time and does not want to deprive herself of that again, even after loss.
She sometimes spirals about whether she fears a failed transfer more or another loss after initial success, but then consciously resets to focus on the scenario where everything works perfectly.

The "why not me" mental framework

Humility and confidence combined[1:06:12]
Kelly trains her inner monologue to ask "why not me?" in many areas, clarifying that this is not ego or entitlement but quiet confidence that with enough work, she could achieve things.
She says that blend of humility and confidence gives her permission to pursue her whole vision board instead of just one part of it.
Changing approach, not goal, when hitting brick walls[1:06:42]
Kelly's rule is that when she hits a brick wall, she changes her approach, not her goal.
She applies this both to fertility (changing protocol, not the desire for a child) and career (adjusting timeline or methods, not the overarching dream).
She observes that many people never reach their goals because they let ego prevent them from recovering from failure, or fear failure so much they never try.
For those who keep the balance of humility and confidence through ups, downs, and plateaus, she believes they will eventually reach the other side of their goals and be told they got lucky, even though they simply failed more times than others were willing to try.

Reinvention, identifying energizers, and expanding dreams

Identity after achieving a lifelong dream

Post-spaceflight emotional dip[1:09:28]
After her first spaceflight, Kelly felt a sense of depression and identity crisis because she had long been "Kelly who wanted to fly to space one day," and then she had done it.
She experienced initial euphoria but then asked herself "what now?" and "who am I now?"
Reserving the right to reinvent herself[1:10:34]
Kelly realized there are still higher stars to reach for and that a dream crystallized at 20 does not have to be the ultimate limit of her vision.
Looking ahead to her 40s, she says she reserves the right to completely reinvent herself, potentially focusing on family, starting a business, or doing something unrelated if it brings energy and purpose.

Using what drains vs energizes you as a compass

Present-moment introspection[1:11:12]
Kelly reflects on identifying what in her current life drains her and what energizes her as a way to decide where to direct her energy.
She suggests removing paths that clearly drain your battery and then paying attention to what keeps you mentally engaged at night in an exciting way.
Those energizing thoughts and sparks of inspiration can help refine what your next big dream might be.

Facing fear of judgment and failure, and a call to dream bigger

Interrogating fear of criticism

Asking what failure would actually look like[1:13:13]
Kelly advises asking yourself what the actual failure and its consequence would be-such as people saying a dream business or project didn't make it-and examining how serious that really is.
She suggests that if you can move past fear of others' opinions and let people become cheerleaders in your journey, you may create serendipity along the way.

People judge you whether you play small or big

Mel's perspective on inevitable judgment[1:14:01]
Mel points out that if people are going to judge you no matter what, you might as well play big.
She notes that if you keep yourself playing small, the main person judging you is yourself.
She also distinguishes between lowercase failure (learning and falling forward) and capital-F Failure, arguing that many people stop after the first brick wall instead of adjusting and continuing.

Closing advice and action step for listeners

Single most important action to take

Give yourself permission to reach higher[1:15:29]
Kelly urges listeners to give themselves permission to reach a little bit higher than they have been and to dream a little bit bigger.
She suggests taking the goal you currently have in mind and zooming it out 100x, imagining your life if every perceived limitation were removed.
She encourages asking, in a perfect world where everything went right, what your days, time, and energy would look like, then adopting the mindset that with enough work over time, "why not me?"

Final message: capability for extraordinary things

Kelly's parting line[1:16:56]
Kelly concludes by saying, "You're capable of making yourself capable of extraordinary things and it is never too late for you to do that."

Mel's closing encouragement to listeners

Starting vs only watching others[1:16:52]
Mel notes that the only difference between people doing extraordinary things and the listener is that those people got started.
She reminds listeners that they now have Kelly's blueprint for both dreaming bigger and taking actions to turn those dreams into reality.
Affirmation of belief in the listener[1:19:34]
Mel closes by telling listeners she loves them, believes in them, and believes in their ability to see bigger possibilities and create a better life.

Lessons Learned

Actionable insights and wisdom you can apply to your business, career, and personal life.

1

You can intentionally design your reputation by choosing the qualities you want to be known for and consistently behaving in ways that make those adjectives true, no matter how small or unglamorous your current role is.

Reflection Questions:

  • What three adjectives do I want my coworkers, friends, or clients to use when they describe me six months from now?
  • How might my daily behavior need to change to align with the reputation I say I want to build?
  • What is one specific behavior I will start practicing this week that clearly embodies the reputation I want to create?
2

Sustaining motivation over long periods of time is more important than figuring everything out quickly; when you hit a brick wall, you should change your approach rather than abandoning your goal.

Reflection Questions:

  • Where in my life have I quietly given up on a long-term goal instead of experimenting with a new approach?
  • How could I reframe a current setback as feedback that helps me adjust my strategy instead of evidence that I should quit?
  • What is one stalled goal I will revisit this month, and what is a different tactic I can test next?
3

Sharing your struggles with people who genuinely care about you does not make you a burden; it creates opportunities for connection, support, and relief from carrying everything alone.

Reflection Questions:

  • Which one or two people in my life have shown me they care, but I rarely let them see what I'm really going through?
  • How might my emotional load change if I shared one specific challenge I'm facing with someone I trust?
  • What small, concrete step can I take this week to be more transparent about something I've been handling in isolation?
4

Your mindset about what is possible-captured in the quiet confidence of "why not me?"-can expand your opportunities, especially when it's grounded in humility and a willingness to work hard over time.

Reflection Questions:

  • In what area of my life do I automatically assume big achievements are "for other people" but not for me?
  • How could adopting a "why not me?" mindset shift the way I pursue one specific ambition I currently see as out of reach?
  • What is one bold step I can take in the next 30 days that reflects faith in my own potential rather than my fears?
5

People will judge you whether you play small or play big, so it is more rational to live in alignment with your values and aspirations than to contort yourself trying to avoid criticism.

Reflection Questions:

  • Whose judgment am I most afraid of right now, and what exactly am I afraid they will think or say?
  • How might my decisions change if I assumed that some level of judgment is inevitable no matter what I do?
  • What is one decision I've been postponing because of fear of judgment that I commit to making in the next week?
6

There is no age or stage at which you lose the ability to reinvent yourself; paying attention to what drains you versus what energizes you can help you chart a new direction.

Reflection Questions:

  • Which activities, relationships, or commitments in my current life consistently leave me feeling depleted?
  • Where do I notice a genuine sense of excitement or curiosity, even if I don't yet see a clear path forward?
  • What is one small experiment I can run in the next month to invest more time in something that energizes me and less in something that drains me?

Episode Summary - Notes by Kendall

How to Build the Life You Want (Even When You Feel Overloaded, Exhausted, & Uncertain)
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