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The Mel Robbins Podcast

3 Questions to Ask Yourself to Figure Out What You Really Want

Published November 3, 2025
View Show Notes

About This Episode

Mel Robbins guides listeners through a three-question framework called the Odyssey Plan, developed by Stanford professors Bill Burnett and Dave Evans, to rethink their current life trajectory. She uses examples, research, and personal stories to show how visualizing your current path, imagining a forced change, and dreaming without constraints can reveal "unfinished business" and new possibilities. The episode concludes with practical advice on turning these insights into small daily experiments that gradually redesign your life.

Topics Covered

Personal development Career transitions Goal setting Lifestyle design Mental health Relationships Happiness Entrepreneurship Identity

Disclaimer: We provide independent summaries of podcasts and are not affiliated with or endorsed in any way by any podcast or creator. All podcast names and content are the property of their respective owners. The views and opinions expressed within the podcasts belong solely to the original hosts and guests and do not reflect the views or positions of Summapod.

Quick Takeaways

  • The Odyssey Plan uses three structured questions to expose where your current path is leading and what else might be possible for your life.
  • Honestly visualizing your life if nothing changes can create enough discomfort to motivate proactive change instead of waiting for a crisis.
  • Imagining what you would do if your current path disappeared helps you see that you have more options and resilience than you assume.
  • Allowing yourself to dream as if nothing were holding you back reveals intrinsic values and "unfinished business" that matter deeply to you.
  • You do not need to blow up your life; small, low-stakes experiments and new daily habits can gradually shift your trajectory.
  • Fear of other people's opinions often blocks change more than money or logistics, and the "let them" mindset can free up energy.
  • Every action you take is a "vote" for the person you are becoming, so your present habits are a preview of your future self.
  • Prototyping potential futures-by trying roles, places, or routines in tiny ways-helps you separate romantic fantasies from what you actually enjoy in practice.

Podcast Notes

Introduction to the episode and purpose of the three questions

Setting the emotional context for listeners

Mel addresses listeners who feel stuck, lost, or convinced that things will never change[0:13]
• She insists that it is not true that things can never change and promises that change is possible
Introduction of three questions from Stanford[0:33]
• Mel says there are three questions listeners need to ask themselves today
• She notes these questions were created by two legendary professors at Stanford University
• The questions are designed to help you change your mindset and see new possibilities
Description of the Odyssey Plan and related book[1:10]
• Mel explains the questions are part of a process called the Odyssey Plan
• She notes the questions and process are included in a New York Times bestselling book connected to the Designing Your Life course
• The professors Bill Burnett and Dave Evans teach the mega-popular Designing Your Life course at Stanford University

Reintroduction and welcome for new listeners

Mel warmly welcomes both returning and new listeners[3:44]
• She calls the audience the "Mel Robbins Podcast family" and says it is an honor to spend time together
Framing this episode as especially valuable[3:55]
• Mel says listeners chose a great episode because these three questions can change your life
• She plans to answer the questions herself alongside the audience
Emphasis on leveraging the mind and science[4:19]
• She says they will leverage the power of the mind and science to start moving forward

Story about a friend with "unfinished business"

Background on Mel's age and long-term friendships[4:24]
• Mel mentions she is 56 and has friends she has known for almost 30 years who are the same age
Friend's realization of unfinished business[4:53]
• Her friend has worked in tech and real estate and has had a successful career
• He tells Mel he has "unfinished business" with himself
• His unfinished business is that he has always loved music and now wants to make music the center of his life at age 56
Mel questions how such epiphanies arise[5:26]
• She wonders if it is just a random weekday morning when you suddenly realize you need to change
• She asks whether it is possible to manufacture a breakthrough like that for yourself

Inviting listeners to consider their own unfinished business

Unfinished business at different ages[5:50]
• Mel says you can feel unfinished business whether you are in your 20s, 30s, 40s, or older
• She notes younger listeners might feel they need to get more serious about things they want to do in this lifetime
• Listeners in midlife might realize they have been focused on career or kids and are now sensing unfinished business with themselves
Acknowledgment of excuses and mindset as the barrier[6:29]
• Mel says people have many excuses for not making a pivot or going after what they want
• She asserts listeners are capable of doing it and that mindset is what holds them back

Question 1: How will your life look if you stay on your current path?

Introduction to the Odyssey Plan and Stanford course

Overview of the Odyssey Plan[7:23]
• Mel describes the Odyssey Plan as research from Stanford that shakes up your thinking, expands your mindset, and removes obstacles
• She says it proves you are much more capable than you think
Details about the Designing Your Life course[6:59]
• Professors Bill Burnett and Dave Evans have taught the Designing Your Life course at Stanford for 15 years
• Mel notes the course is so popular that even if they were at Stanford, she and the listener might not get in
• The professors also wrote a book called "Designing Your Life"

Stating Question 1 and its purpose

Exact wording of Question 1[7:39]
• Question 1 is: "How will your life look if you stay on your current path?"
Clarifying what "current path" means[8:00]
• Mel explains this means if absolutely nothing changes: same job, career, home, major, friends, routines, and the relationship stays as it is
• She asks where this leads you in five years if nothing changes
Not about ideal visualization but honest projection[9:00]
• Mel contrasts this question with her usual focus on visualizing a positive dream future
• Here, she says, you must be brutally honest and visualize what happens if you do not change anything

Consequences of staying on an unfulfilling path

Idea that an unfulfilling path often gets worse[9:48]
• If the current path feels off or unfulfilling, it is likely to worsen because the sense of unfinished business grows
• Mel notes you will increasingly feel there is something you want to do or become that you are not doing
Example of health and extra weight[10:17]
• She gives an example of carrying an extra 40 pounds and never making time for walking or strength training
• She asks listeners to imagine what life looks like if they never change these habits
Example of staying in a draining job[11:00]
• Mel describes staying in a job where you feel miserable and exhausted and fear AI or someone more skilled replacing you
• She asks listeners to imagine two to three years down the road if they remain in a life-force-draining job
Example of chronic stress and sleep deprivation[11:12]
• She mentions people so stressed they never sleep, grind their teeth, wake up with pain, and overuse stimulants like excessive coffee
• She asks again what life will look like in one to three years if that pattern continues
Example of sliding into an unfulfilling relationship[11:48]
• Mel tells of a friend who has dated a good person many times but knows the relationship is not right
• She explains how people "slide" into deeper commitment-living together, then engagement-because they stayed on a default path
• She says ending a relationship with a good person who is not your person is one of the hardest things to do but necessary to avoid slowly disappointing yourself
Example of hating a chosen academic path[12:52]
• Mel describes someone in nursing school who hates it but stays due to sunk costs and fear of telling others they want to quit

Viewing the question as neutral and directional

Reframing the question as a neutral assessment[13:42]
• Mel urges listeners to see the question as neutral, like checking what destination a road trip is leading to
• She asks whether listeners still want to go in the direction their current actions are taking them
Acknowledging that some people are on the right difficult path[14:16]
• Mel notes some listeners may answer yes-they are on a hard but purposeful path like investment banking or medical school
• In such cases, she suggests the path is right but self-care and mindset around the "bumpy" section may need adjusting

Most people wish things were different but take no action

Daily dissatisfaction and inaction[15:21]
• Mel says most people wake up wishing they could change something or many things but do nothing about it
• She attributes this to being stuck in day-to-day life and forgetting that each day leads somewhere
Waiting passively for opportunities[15:42]
• She describes the fantasy of someone knocking on your door and offering you a dream job when you have not even applied
• She says you must decide and wake up to where your current actions are taking you

Realizing when "how you're living" no longer works

First step of change is honest recognition[16:37]
• Mel says change starts with realizing that how you are living now no longer works or leads where you feel called to go
• She congratulates listeners who recognize this, calling it the first step toward positive change
Autopilot is not enough even if life is good[17:12]
• She notes that even those who like their lives cannot just run on autopilot-good paths require maintenance

Example: Mel's own health and relationship habits

Lessons from experts on the podcast[17:23]
• Mel summarizes that experts on her podcast consistently emphasize three pillars: adequate protein, resistance training, and relationships
Her current positive path and its future[17:58]
• She now gets 100 grams of complete protein daily, does resistance training, and reaches out to a friend every day
• Projecting forward, she believes this path will help her age well, have energy, lift luggage at 90, dance at family weddings, and fight off disease
• She notes that even a good path requires continuing those behaviors; it is not a one-and-done choice

Using visualization of the future to motivate change

Rolling the clock forward in different life areas[19:35]
• Mel invites listeners to roll the clock forward a year and ask about weight, stress, relationships, friends, and daily routines if nothing changes
• She asks whether unfinished business will remain untouched if things are not reorganized
Visualization widens your gaze and opens possibility[21:55]
• She says thinking about your path and future forces you to realize things do not have to stay the way they are
• You have the ability to make different choices, reclaim time, and clarify where you want your path to lead next

Research on future visualization and emotion

Study from University of Munich[22:02]
• Mel cites a study led by Julie N. Voigt at the University of Munich, published in Current Psychology
• The study found that vivid visions of the future boost positive emotion, help set worthwhile goals, and increase commitment
• She adds that even negative future visualizations can boost positive motivation to change by making potential pain feel real now
Life changes on purpose, not by accident[22:56]
• Mel emphasizes that life does not change by accident; it changes on purpose
• She contrasts waiting for crises to force change with using visualization to choose difficult change now to avoid a harder future

Quote from James Clear on identity and actions

Every action as a vote for your future self[22:24]
• Mel quotes James Clear, author of "Atomic Habits": "Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become"
• She asks whether listeners are happy with who they are becoming, given their current path

Question 2: If your current path disappeared tomorrow, what would you do?

Framing Question 2 as the "rug pull"

Exact wording and emotional impact[27:12]
• Question 2 is: "If the path you're on disappeared tomorrow, what would you do?"
• Mel calls this the "rug pull" question because it imagines your current path suddenly vanishing
Initial resistance and fears this question triggers[27:49]
• She lists scenarios people may not want to visualize: kids moving out, AI taking their job, losing a job, a relationship ending, or a beloved activity stopping
• She acknowledges that people do not want to be scared or imagine loss

Purpose of Question 2: freeing rather than freezing you

Planning "Plan B" before crisis[29:02]
• Mel says the question is not meant to keep you stuck but to free you by getting you to think about a Plan B while still in Plan A
• She argues that when real crises hit, people often freeze, grieve, doubt themselves, and shut down thoughts of possibility
Leveraging your full brain before the rug gets pulled[30:12]
• By considering Plan B while Plan A is intact, you can use your full cognitive capacity to problem-solve and imagine options
• She encourages listeners to think beyond "end of the world" scenarios and instead focus on what would happen next and the first steps they would take

Examples of unexpected career pivots after loss

Corporate marketer laid off pivoting to consulting[30:53]
• Mel shares about someone who lost a corporate marketing job due to AI-related downsizing
• That person started freelancing to help small local businesses with social media and now runs a consulting business
Dancer with a career-ending injury[30:53]
• She tells of a dancer whose career-ending injury was devastating after achieving a dream role
• The dancer pivoted to teaching dance classes for kids at community centers, staying connected to her passion in a different way

Realization that options already exist but are unseen

Plan B is there before Plan A blows up[33:00]
• Mel argues that Plan B already exists, but most people wait for Plan A to blow up before entertaining it
• She says we become so stuck where we are that we become blind to options in front of us
Question 2 is meant to expand thinking, not demand quitting[33:44]
• Mel emphasizes this is not necessarily about quitting your job or changing your major but about breaking black-and-white thinking
• She wants listeners to recognize that their lives consist of more than work, school, or caregiving roles

Mel's own hypothetical alternatives if podcasting ended

Concrete Plan B ideas she has[34:30]
• If her podcast disappeared and she needed to pay bills, Mel says she could teach others how to start a podcast
• She could work for someone else hosting a podcast
• She mentions a local flower farm near where she lives and imagines possibly becoming a partner to help expand it
Her "unfinished business" fantasy: writing a fantasy trilogy[36:20]
• Mel reveals she has a desire to write a fantasy trilogy and feels slightly self-conscious sharing it
• She describes loving series like "A Court of Thorns and Roses," "Fourth Wing," "Harry Potter," "Game of Thrones," "The Hobbit," and "Avatar" because of world-building
• This desire illustrates how Question 2 invites deeper parts of you to dream, not necessarily to monetize the dream

Recognizing fear and excuses around exploring other options

People cling to the familiar even when it feels bad[37:54]
• Mel says it is easy to cling to what you know, even if it does not feel great, because it seems safer than imagining other possibilities
• She notes people tell themselves they cannot quit or change because of bills, mortgage, or dependents
Life events that force discovery of capability[39:00]
• She notes many people do not realize they can figure things out until they are forced to by layoffs, bad job markets, or other disruptions
• She cites new graduates in a difficult job market as an example of a path that has effectively disappeared

Using the question to surface options before crisis

Encouragement to run the drill now[40:13]
• Mel says Question 2 helps you see you always had more options than you thought, but you were arguing for restrictions
• She stresses that by imagining alternatives now, you can make small pivots instead of waiting for a forced change
Plan B thinking weakens fear of loss[40:28]
• She explains that once you authentically consider what you would do if the current plan disappeared, fear loses its grip
• Instead of thinking "If I lose this job I'm screwed," you can believe there is always a Plan B and that you can figure out options

Question 3: How would life look if nothing were holding you back?

Framing Question 3 as a full-permission dream exercise

Exact wording and spirit of Question 3[43:45]
• Question 3 is: "How would life look if there was nothing holding you back?"
• Mel calls this a "swing for the fences" question that is full of possibility and unbridled permission to dream
Removing common constraints in this thought experiment[44:19]
• She asks listeners to imagine that money is not an issue and that they do not care about other people's expectations
• She tells them to ignore responsibilities for kids, pets, and bills just for a moment to explore the question

Daydreaming as a way to uncover what you want

Contrast between childhood daydreaming and adult constraint[45:35]
• Mel notes that as kids we could imagine being an astronaut in the morning and a rock star by night because no one told us it was impossible
• She says daydreaming is not a waste of time; it is how you excavate your unfinished business beneath responsibilities and external pressures
Most adult choices are driven by survival and approval[47:13]
• She observes that many life choices are about survival, paying bills, keeping status, and making parents and neighbors proud
• This question, in contrast, asks what you would do if you had enough and owed nobody anything

Research on intrinsic versus extrinsic values

Study on inner values and well-being[48:25]
• Mel cites a 2015 study by Kim Kasser at Knox College, published in the Journal of Positive Psychology
• The study found that people focused on inner values like contribution, connection, meaning, and relationships had higher life satisfaction and less anxiety
• Those chasing status or wealth reported lower well-being, confirming what many people sense intuitively

Letting go of others' opinions with the "let them" mindset

Other people's opinions as the biggest barrier[49:20]
• Mel asserts the biggest thing in your way is not money but fear of what other people will think
• She references her "let them" theory: let others misunderstand, be disappointed, unfollow, or hold their own expectations while you do what matters
Reclaiming energy used to manage others[50:31]
• She says people waste huge amounts of time and energy managing others' feelings and trying to keep everyone happy
• Instead, she urges listeners to let others think what they think and use that energy to answer how life would look if not constrained by others' opinions

Prompting concrete dreaming about desired life and feelings

Imagining time use and environment[51:04]
• Mel asks what listeners would do with their time: coach a kid's soccer team, volunteer at an animal shelter, build things, or live in different places like a cabin or a boat
• She prompts them to consider who they would spend time with if they were not always working or grinding to pay bills
Identifying desired feelings and forms of engagement[53:32]
• She asks what listeners want to feel: more freedom, creativity, adventure, artistry, belonging, or community engagement
• She encourages not limiting oneself because this exercise is about going on an inner odyssey and feeling like the hero of your life

Example of a friend's whimsical dream using the Odyssey Plan

Henry's farmhouse and cat sanctuary vision[54:43]
• A producer's friend, Henry, used the Odyssey Plan and discovered his biggest dream was to take over a beautiful old farmhouse surrounded by cats
• He imagines naming cats after movies and movie stars, with names like "The Great Catsby"
• Mel notes that even if this sounds silly to others, it matters because it reflects his unfinished business and he is willing to "let them" laugh

Mel's own use of the Odyssey Plan to start a podcast

Her previous career model and the nagging sense of unfinished business[56:44]
• Several years ago, Mel made a living traveling about 150 days a year to give keynote talks at large corporate events
• She mentions having spoken multiple times for large companies and occasionally writing books like "The 5 Second Rule" and "The High 5 Habit"
• Despite success, she felt unfinished business and, through the Odyssey Plan, realized she wanted to start a podcast based in Boston
Excuses that arose and persistence of the vision[58:12]
• She lists excuses that came up: millions of existing podcasts, low odds of making money, payroll and mortgage obligations
• Nevertheless, she kept having a recurring vision of hosting a podcast and allowed herself to dream about it

Turning insights into action: Prototyping your future

Opening the "map" of possibilities after answering the questions

Recognizing you have multiple potential destinations[59:14]
• Mel likens the answers from the three questions to opening a map that shows your current life heading one way but your dreams pointing another way
• She invites listeners to pick one destination or direction that catches their interest from everything they have thought and written

Stanford's idea of "prototyping" and making small experiments

Definition of a prototype in life design[59:59]
• Mel explains that the Stanford professors advise creating a "prototype," meaning a small way to experiment with an idea from your Odyssey answers
• This avoids waiting for a big event and instead uses low-stakes tests to explore possibilities

Example: Christopher's desire to write a book

Initial habit change: daily writing[1:01:34]
• Mel shares that her husband, Christopher, runs men's retreats and works as a death doula but has long wanted to write a book without knowing its topic
• After using the Odyssey Plan, he decided to add a small habit: writing for 15-20 minutes each morning
Deepening commitment: putting the most important thing first[1:02:11]
• Later, he had an epiphany that he wanted to move from writing in general to truly writing a book
• He now wakes at 5:15, meditates, and then writes before walking the dogs, exercising, and starting his day
• Mel says this small shift-writing second thing in the morning-signals a different path and identity to himself

Changing one habit as changing your path

Simple ways listeners can start[1:03:28]
• She notes that even dedicating 15 minutes a day to researching an interest or practicing something new changes your path
• Examples include researching cat names and Italian ice vending, flower farms and their financials, or training programs such as nursing or EMT work
• Listeners could also explore opportunities like ski patrol or learn from travel bloggers by studying their origin stories

Identifying material for prototypes from your answers

Circling themes, ideas, and feelings[1:05:50]
• Mel suggests re-listening and circling career ideas, skills to learn, people to see more, hobbies, or feelings you want more of
• From those, pick one and ask for a small, low-stakes way to explore it

Concrete examples of prototyping

Prototyping a move to a new location[1:08:11]
• If a dream is to live somewhere like Montana, a prototype might be a short trip, talking to residents, or using Google Street View to virtually tour the area
• Virtual exploration might reveal the town is smaller or different than imagined, or confirm a strong pull to go there
Prototyping more creativity[1:08:11]
• Someone wanting more creativity could take a weekend class, watch how-to videos, or try new arts like painting, sculpting, knitting, or playing ukulele
Prototyping more nature and movement[1:09:09]
• If a person realizes they are starved for nature, a prototype might be daily 30-minute walks outdoors or laps in a nearby park
Prototyping a future relationship[1:09:44]
• Someone who wants to be happily married in five years but is currently single could expand their circle through new activities or events
• They might adjust dating app profiles, have friends rewrite bios, or practice cooking intentional meals with music and candles to create the kind of life they want to share

Using experiments to test fantasies versus reality

Realizing you may want the feeling, not the literal scenario[1:09:56]
• Mel says someone might dream of moving to Spain but discover through testing that they actually want the energy and adventure of travel, not a full relocation
Her own bakery experiment[1:10:38]
• She once dreamed of owning a bakery, so she took a job at one to test the idea
• After two early-morning shifts, repetitive tasks, and going home smelling like a muffin, she realized she did not want to own a bakery
• She concluded she likes visiting bakeries, not operating them, showing how experiments clarify true desires

Closing reflections, encouragement, and meta-commentary

Purpose and reusability of the Odyssey Plan

Odyssey Plan as a free, repeatable resource[1:11:34]
• Mel highlights that the Odyssey Plan and its three questions are a free resource listeners can revisit repeatedly
• She encourages sharing the process with people who feel stuck or need to shake things up

Expected transformation through repeated small experiments

Accumulation of insights and identity shifts[1:12:57]
• She explains that every small experiment teaches you what energizes or drains you and what you want to move toward or leave behind
• Over time, you build a vivid picture of what matters and design your life one experiment at a time

Mel's hope and affirmation for listeners

Recognizing unfinished business and new possibilities[1:13:22]
• She hopes something profound is revealed to listeners-that they have unfinished business and more to do, feel, and become
Explicit statement of belief and love[1:14:03]
• Mel tells listeners she loves them, believes in them, and believes in their ability to create a better life
• She says they are capable of creating the change they now see

Bloopers, production notes, and legal disclaimer

Lighthearted production chatter[1:14:34]
• Mel refers to a famous Einstein quote about insanity and admits she does not remember it exactly
• She interacts with someone off-camera about camera alignment and a weather vane in the shot, then jokes "Let's have lunch" and comments "That's how we do it, people"
Legal disclaimer about the nature of the podcast[1:14:10]
• Mel reads a legal statement that the podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only
• She clarifies she is not a licensed therapist and the podcast is not a substitute for advice from a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional

Lessons Learned

Actionable insights and wisdom you can apply to your business, career, and personal life.

1

Honestly visualizing where your current path leads-without changing anything-can create the clarity and discomfort needed to initiate purposeful change instead of waiting for a crisis.

Reflection Questions:

  • • What does a brutally honest projection of my life in 1-5 years, if nothing changes, actually look and feel like?
  • • How might clearly seeing the negative consequences of staying on my current path motivate me to take one specific step this month?
  • • What is one small habit I could change this week that would shift the direction of where my path is leading?
2

Developing a Plan B in your mind before things fall apart reduces fear and reveals that you are far more adaptable and resourceful than you assume.

Reflection Questions:

  • • If my current job, role, or routine disappeared tomorrow, what are three concrete things I could realistically do next?
  • • How could imagining multiple alternative paths for myself make me less anxious about change or disruption?
  • • What is one low-risk way I can explore a potential Plan B this month while I am still in Plan A?
3

Allowing yourself to dream as if nothing were holding you back exposes your true intrinsic values and "unfinished business," which can then guide more meaningful decisions.

Reflection Questions:

  • • When I remove money, approval, and obligations from the equation, what do I most naturally daydream about doing with my time?
  • • How does my current life align or conflict with the values and desires that show up in my unconstrained daydreams?
  • • What is one tiny element from my "nothing holding me back" vision that I could incorporate into my real life this week?
4

You do not need to overhaul your life overnight; small, consistent experiments and new habits are powerful prototypes that quietly change your trajectory and identity.

Reflection Questions:

  • • Which idea or direction from my Odyssey answers feels most energizing and could be tested in a 15-20 minute daily habit?
  • • How might treating my next step as an experiment-rather than a permanent decision-reduce the pressure I put on myself?
  • • What is one specific prototype I will run over the next 7-30 days to gather information about a possible future path?
5

Letting others think, feel, and judge whatever they will frees up the time and emotional bandwidth you need to design and live a life that actually fits you.

Reflection Questions:

  • • Where in my life am I sacrificing my own priorities mainly to avoid others' disappointment or criticism?
  • • How would my decisions change if I genuinely adopted the mindset of "let them" and stopped managing other people's reactions?
  • • What is one small decision I can make this week that honors what I want, even if someone else might not understand or approve?

Episode Summary - Notes by Alex

3 Questions to Ask Yourself to Figure Out What You Really Want
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