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The Mel Robbins Podcast

Try This Today: How to Use Gratitude to Feel Happier & Improve Your Relationships

with Dr. Aditi Noorakar, Dr. Tara Swart-Bieber

Published November 27, 2025
View Show Notes

About This Episode

Mel Robbins explores gratitude as a practical, science-backed tool for rewiring the brain away from negativity and reducing stress, rather than as a superficial positivity practice. Drawing on research studies and expert insights, she introduces three main gratitude tools: an unsent gratitude letter, a three-minute nightly gratitude journal (and morning variations), and a gratitude-focused text chain. Throughout the episode, she emphasizes how small, consistent gratitude practices can improve mental and physical health, deepen relationships, and help listeners reclaim control over their attention and emotional state.

Topics Covered

Gratitude Stress management Sleep Mental health Relationships Habits Neuroplasticity Heart rate variability Journaling Happiness

Disclaimer: We provide independent summaries of podcasts and are not affiliated with or endorsed in any way by any podcast or creator. All podcast names and content are the property of their respective owners. The views and opinions expressed within the podcasts belong solely to the original hosts and guests and do not reflect the views or positions of Summapod.

Quick Takeaways

  • Gratitude, practiced intentionally, functions as a way to reprogram your brain away from negativity and toward noticing what is going well in your life.
  • Writing an unsent one-page gratitude letter to someone once a week significantly reduced depression and anxiety in a study of people already in therapy, with benefits lasting at least 12 weeks.
  • A three-minute nightly gratitude journal improved sleep quality, lowered inflammation and stress markers, and increased heart rate variability in patients with early-stage heart failure.
  • Simple gratitude scans at night or first thing in the morning can de-stick negative experiences and calm the nervous system, making it easier to fall asleep and wake up grounded.
  • Creating a gratitude-focused text chain or sprinkling gratitude into existing text threads changes the tone of conversations and measurably improves mood and well-being.
  • The benefits of gratitude practices persist beyond the moment, creating an "afterglow" effect on mental health and outlook.
  • Gratitude is not about denying hardship; it is an intentional act of defiance against a world that trains your mind to focus on danger, scarcity, and stress.
  • The most effective gratitude practice is the one you will consistently do, whether it is weekly letter writing, nightly journaling, or a morning ritual of savoring small comforts.

Podcast Notes

Reframing gratitude as a powerful mental and biological tool

Opening and skepticism about the word "gratitude"

Mel acknowledges that gratitude is an overused word that often feels meaningless or corny[0:15]
• She explicitly rejects a "just be thankful for everything" approach that ignores real-world chaos and personal struggles
Peace is defined as finding stillness and power within chaos, not ignoring it[0:45]
• Gratitude is framed as the method for accessing that inner stillness and power despite external madness

Gratitude versus a brain rewired for negativity

Mel argues that the "madness" in the world is rewiring minds and bodies for negativity[0:59]
• Gratitude is presented as the way to fight back against that rewiring
Practicing gratitude as an intentional mindset teaches your mind to spot what is okay and good right now[1:18]
• It helps you see what is going well so you do not get "gaslit" by pervasive negativity
Gratitude changes the default settings in your mind[1:32]
• Benefits listed include calming down faster when upset, clearer thinking, better sleep, and feeling that what you have is enough
• Gratitude trains your mind to focus on what is going right, which then directs your emotions and actions

Gratitude as an act of defiance and empowerment

Mel calls gratitude an act of defiance in a world that tries to convince you that you have no power and nothing is good[2:10]
• She says this negative message from the world is "simply not true"
She plans to discuss gratitude as an intentional act of changing mind settings, backed by research and specific tools[2:16]
• Three simple tools will be shared that can retrain the mind for gratitude and help listeners feel more present and grounded

Introduction of expert contributors and Mel's former skepticism

Mel introduces Dr. Tara Swart-Bieber as a senior lecturer at MIT with a medical degree from Oxford[2:39]
• She notes Tara is one of the podcast's most popular guests of all time
She introduces Dr. Aditi Noorakar as a lecturer at Harvard Medical School and former medical director of Harvard Beth Israel Deaconess Hospital's Integrative Medicine Program[2:53]
Mel admits she used to be skeptical about gratitude but says the science changed her view[2:59]
• She anticipates listener skepticism and asks them to stay with her

Setting up the three gratitude tools and reclaiming mental control

Framing the episode's focus on three tools backed by research

Mel says the episode is about the surprising power of gratitude and three tools that will change mind and body[6:28]
• She emphasizes outcomes like better sleep, lower stress and inflammation, and biological shifts from the top down
Listeners already know how to do these tools; they are small adjustments to existing habits[6:47]
• She stresses you do not have to do all three and does not want to add more to listeners' plates, just give options

Gratitude as taking power back from external programming

Mel claims many people have handed control of their brains and feelings to the outside world without realizing it[8:04]
• Gratitude is framed as the first step to taking that power back
You can reclaim power by training yourself to choose what you notice throughout the day[8:15]
• This is contrasted with mindlessly allowing the world to pour "garbage" into your brain

Introduction of Dr. Aditi's work on stress and gratitude journaling

Mel reminds listeners that Dr. Aditi is a medical doctor, researcher, and expert in stress and public health, and a Harvard lecturer[8:45]
Mel highlights that Aditi built a large clinical practice in stress management using evidence-based integrative approaches[9:02]
Mel references Aditi's research on resetting the stress response and says Aditi spoke on the show about gratitude journaling's power for the brain[9:17]

Science of negativity, cognitive reframing, and daily gratitude

Dr. Aditi explains negativity bias and why negative experiences stick

Under stress, the brain holds on to negative experiences as a feeling of survival and self-preservation[9:57]
• She notes that even if good and bad things happen at the same rate, stress makes you focus on danger and "red alert"

Gratitude journaling as cognitive reframing

Practicing gratitude daily is described as cognitive reframing where "what you focus on grows"[10:07]
• By focusing on gratitude, you shift perspective so negative events slide off instead of sticking
Daily gratitude writing reduces the stickiness of negative experiences in the brain when under stress[10:27]

Documented benefits of ongoing gratitude practice

Studies show that after 30, 60, and 90 days of an everyday gratitude practice there is improved mood, decreased stress and burnout, and better sleep[10:41]
Gratitude also "silences your inner critic" by dialing down amygdala activity in the background[10:48]
• The amygdala is implied to be a driver of fear and self-criticism, so reducing its activity eases internal negative dialogue

Tool 1: The Unsent Gratitude Letter

Concept and purpose of the unsent letter

Mel introduces tool number one, which she calls "the unsent letter"[10:53]
• It is a letter you sit down and write to someone expressing gratitude, not romantic love, and you do not need to send it
The act of writing about someone else and what you are grateful for changes something inside you[11:32]

How stress can distort how you treat people close to you

Mel notes that as pressure in work, life, family, and relationships builds, people often become irritated, stressed, and mad at those around them[11:44]
• Headlines and negativity do not put you into a gratitude mode and can make you snap, use a bad tone, or withdraw from others
She shares that she did not want to do the unsent letter exercise but forced herself to write one to her husband Chris[12:28]
• She emphasized focusing on what Chris has done for her in this season of life rather than on daily irritations
Writing the letter softened her, reducing the impact of outside-world pressure on how she treated him[12:53]
• She did not give him the letter; the experience was for her own recentering and reconnecting with her values

Indiana University gratitude letter study

Researchers at Indiana University, led by psychologist Dr. Joel Wong, ran a randomized controlled trial with nearly 300 therapy patients[13:26]
• Participants were divided into three groups: therapy only, therapy plus expressive journaling about stress, and therapy plus a weekly gratitude letter
The gratitude group wrote one gratitude letter a week without having to send them[14:06]
The gratitude-letter group showed significantly better mental health, with reductions in depression and anxiety[14:11]
• These benefits appeared not only during the four-week writing period but persisted 12 weeks later, described as an "afterburner effect"

Instructions for practicing the unsent letter

Once a week, sit down and write a one-page letter to someone you are grateful for; sending it is optional[14:32]
Mel gives three prompting questions: What did they do? Why did it matter? How did it affect you?[14:56]
• She encourages being specific, describing moments and their impact in detail

How unsent letters shift perception of people around you

Mel notes that people in your life are as beaten down and negative as you are, and stress makes you notice only what irritates you[15:02]
It is easy to fall into a roommate-like routine where mutual appreciation disappears[15:26]
Gratitude letters help you find your way back to each other by refocusing on what you value in them[15:31]
• Mel says she has been doing this for a couple of weeks and chooses a new person each week

Live example: Mel's gratitude for producer Amy

Mel chooses to verbally express an unsent letter to her senior producer Amy, who is in the room[15:54]
• Amy has co-produced the show with Mel since its start three years ago
Mel describes Amy as someone who steps in behind the scenes right when everyone needs it most[16:25]
• Amy led a collaborative process where producers review each other's work
• Amy texted Mel when Mel's dad had back surgery, showing she thinks about personal moments
Mel shares that Amy is fun and is hosting a pajama-wear breakfast party, making life more enjoyable[16:48]
• Mel says this makes her feel like she has a really fun friend who is always thinking about making things better
Writing (or articulating) such a letter helps Mel remember all the ways Amy comes through and how important everyone on the team is[17:17]

Unsent letters remove "negative stickiness" and rewire for connection

Life can feel like a pressure cooker, making you too busy and stressed to see the beautiful people around you[1:29]
• Sending a gratitude letter can significantly help someone else by lifting them up
Mel connects back to the Indiana study, noting that participants shifted from scanning for threats to intentionally seeking connection[18:18]
Implementation steps: pick one person, write one full page about why you are thankful, and be specific about what they did, why it mattered, and how it made you feel[18:32]
• Writing alone wires you for connection and presence; sending the letter is an optional extra act of kindness
Mel was shocked at how quickly this practice shifted something inside her and saddened to realize how often she had been in a sticky negative state[19:48]
• Weekly letters build positive momentum and enact the cognitive reframing described by Dr. Aditi

Tool 2: Three-Minute Night Journal and biological impacts

Sleep problems as a sign of cognitive overload

Mel observes that nights when you cannot sleep are rarely about physical discomfort; they are about a racing mind[25:51]
• Common nighttime thoughts include replaying what you said, worrying about upcoming events, and beating yourself up for forgotten tasks
She noticed that the nights she was most wired and restless followed days with no slowing down, only constant activity[26:40]
• She describes going all day without a check-in, pause, or reflection, then expecting the brain to "magically" switch off at night, which it does not

How to do the three-minute night journal

Mel suggests keeping a notebook by the bed so it is easy to access at night[27:09]
Each night when you get into bed, write down three small things from the day that you are grateful for[27:23]
• Examples include your kids making you laugh, finding a great parking spot, or someone making you a cup of tea without being asked
This practice takes about three minutes but shifts your focus from chaos to what is okay[27:43]
• Mel says this small shift helps the mind settle and the body exhale

Dr. Daniel Amen's nightly gratitude scan

Mel credits brain expert Dr. Daniel Amen with first teaching her a similar practice[28:10]
Amen lies in bed each night and scans back through his day asking, "What went well?"[28:28]
• This is another example of focusing the mind on valued things and wiping away "sticky" negativity
Mel says she has done an intentional gratitude reflection for a long time and never goes to bed without some form of it[28:59]

UC San Diego gratitude journaling study on heart failure patients

Tool 2, the three-minute night journal, is based on a study by Dr. Laura Redwine at the University of California, San Diego[29:23]
The study asked whether keeping a gratitude journal can change not just mood but the body biologically[29:34]
Participants had early-stage heart failure with heart muscle dysfunction but no symptoms, making them high risk for serious heart disease[30:00]
• Seventy participants were split into two groups: a gratitude journaling group and a control group receiving standard care
The gratitude group wrote about things they were grateful for on most days of the week, reflecting deeply rather than listing generic items[30:15]
At the start and end of an eight-week period, both groups were tested for stress markers, inflammation, and heart rate variability (HRV)[30:41]
• Mel explains that lower HRV is associated with higher risk of cardiovascular disease, metabolic disorders, and mental health issues like depression and anxiety
• Higher HRV generally correlates with better overall health and longevity

Results and implications of the gratitude journal study

The gratitude journaling group showed significant improvements compared to the non-journaling control group[31:25]
The journaling group also had better quality sleep[31:33]
• Mel points out that for a free, low-effort tool, using your mind in this way to improve your body is "amazing"

Alternative gratitude practice: morning ritual from Dr. Tara Swart-Bieber

For people who do not like journaling at night, Mel offers an alternative morning gratitude practice inspired by Dr. Tara[31:46]
She says Tara structures her entire morning, from the moment her eyes open, around gratitude and does not let her brain "kick in" until she is settled in that state[32:43]

Dr. Tara's detailed waking routine

As soon as she is aware she is awake, Tara snuggles her face into her silk pillowcase and says she loves it[33:13]
• She successively expresses love for her side-sleeping pillow, mattress topper, mattress, bedding, and sometimes the room temperature and quiet
She then does deep breathing in all directions of her chest, imagining it like a barrel, and checks for any areas of tension[33:50]
To get out of bed, she thinks about how she will savor her cup of tea, then goes downstairs, takes a probiotic, does oil pulling for ten minutes, and finally makes and savors her tea as a ritual[34:07]
• Only after this entire sequence does she pick up her phone and look at messages

Mel's reaction and encouragement to choose one simple practice

Mel says you can feel the difference listening to Tara's routine and that many people would like to start the day that way[34:53]
She loves that this kind of practice is available and that just three minutes of gratitude-whether in a journal, reflection, or morning ritual-can have significant health benefits[35:24]
Mel commits to taking on the morning practice herself and reiterates that listeners should pick the one approach that works for them[35:40]
• She notes that simple acknowledgments like not losing your temper or savoring a warm shower can be moments of gratitude
Mel shares an example of Chris pointing out a deer in their yard, and her consciously pausing to watch it as a gratitude moment[36:20]
She asserts that consistent practice, whether morning or night, will relax the body, lower stress, and support healing and reset[36:27]

Tool 3: Gratitude Text Chain and social spread of positivity

Using your phone for gratitude instead of doomscrolling

Mel introduces tool number three as a way to use the phone for something great rather than doomscrolling and time-wasting[40:53]
She calls it the "gratitude text chain" and says everyone has time to do it[41:05]

Griffith University study on gratitude, kindness, and control groups

The tool is based on a study by psychologist Shelly Kerr at the School of Applied Psychology at Griffith University in Australia[41:11]
The study involved 122 people waiting to get into therapy, described as being in high distress and high need[41:23]
Participants were randomly divided into three groups of about 40 each: a gratitude group, a kindness group, and a control group[41:38]
• Mel gives an appreciative shout-out to control group participants, noting they do not get the "good stuff" but are necessary for research
The gratitude group was asked to write daily about things they were grateful for[42:15]
The kindness group was asked to perform acts of kindness and then reflect on them (e.g., holding doors, buying coffee for someone)[42:23]
The control group wrote about neutral daily activities without emotional content[42:34]

Results: Lasting mood improvements from daily gratitude

After two weeks, the gratitude group felt less depressed, reported more positive emotions, and felt better about their lives overall[42:53]
These improvements persisted one month later, showing an "afterglow" effect similar to the gratitude-letter study[43:05]
• Mel emphasizes that gratitude practice trains the mind to scan for things to be grateful for instead of only seeing stress or heartbreak
The kindness group also improved in well-being but slightly less than the gratitude group[43:53]
The control group did not show similar improvements in mood or well-being[43:53]
The study confirms that the emotional and reflective aspect of gratitude, not just generic journaling, drove the positive effects[44:09]

Transforming transactional text threads with gratitude

Mel realized most of her text threads, including with her executive producer Tracy, are purely transactional and logistical[44:46]
• Examples include texts about picking things up, feeding the dog, seeing emails, and scheduling calls
She wondered what would happen if she started dropping gratitude into those threads[45:23]
Mel found that inserting brief gratitude messages into ongoing text conversations immediately changed the tone[45:23]
• Recipients responded quickly and reciprocated, and the overall conversation felt lighter and more connected
She suggests simple messages like appreciating something a colleague did well or congratulating someone on a milestone[46:18]

Company-wide spread: Slack channel for celebrations

Mel's company now has a Slack channel called "personal victories and celebrations"[47:05]
Team members share life events such as pregnancy announcements, weddings, and partners exhibiting a new company at a farmer's market[47:23]
• She describes this channel as infectious, contagious, and effective at clearing negative stickiness and lifting everyone up
Mel explains that sharing gratitude makes positivity sticky in the same way that negativity had been sticky before[47:40]

How to implement a gratitude group text

Basic version: start dropping short expressions of gratitude or appreciation into any of your typical text chains[47:58]
Supersized version: create a small group text with two or three favorite people dedicated to sharing one thing you are grateful for each day[48:04]
• Mel suggests texting this episode to friends and inviting them to use the chain for daily gratitude and mutual accountability
She says this small habit makes gratitude visible and contagious, reminds you of goodness, and reinforces the sense that you have enough even while working toward more[48:34]

Recap of the three gratitude tools and overarching message

Summary of the three tools and supporting studies

Tool 1: The Unsent Letter - once a week, write a one-page gratitude letter to someone; sending it is optional[49:01]
• Based on Indiana University research showing such journaling reduces depression and anxiety and increases feelings of connection, with lasting effects
Tool 2: Three-Minute Night Journal - every night, write down three things from that day you are grateful for[49:30]
• Grounded in a UC San Diego study showing better sleep quality, lower inflammation and stress, and higher heart rate variability
Variations on Tool 2 include Dr. Tara's morning gratitude ritual and end-of-day scanning for what went well[50:04]
Tool 3: Gratitude Group Text - add gratitude messages to existing text threads or create a dedicated gratitude chain[50:27]
• Supported by the Griffith University study, which found that intentional gratitude and kindness practices lower depression and increase positive emotions

Clarifying what gratitude practice is and is not

Mel emphasizes that gratitude practice is not toxic positivity or pretending everything is fine[51:28]
She describes it as intentionally programming your mind and protecting yourself from an onslaught of negativity[51:36]
Gratitude is about presence, recognizing that where you are and what you have is enough, and deepening connection to people around you[51:49]

Research-backed impact of small, consistent shifts

In a world that trains minds toward negativity, gratitude is framed as fighting back[52:09]
Mel says research is clear: when practiced with intention and consistency, gratitude changes the brain, body, stress response, and overall outlook[52:33]
She stresses that only a small shift-a single letter, three lines in a journal, or one gratitude text-is needed to begin interrupting stress[52:37]
• She argues that starting to notice your life differently prompts your brain and body to follow, making negativity feel less sticky

Encouragement and closing message

Mel urges listeners to choose one tool and try it, giving themselves the gift of noticing what is good and setting their minds on what they value[53:17]
She expresses love and belief in the listener and in their ability to create a better life[53:43]
She reiterates that using these gratitude tools will start change within and eventually make life feel better overall[54:02]

Outtakes and legal disclaimer about the podcast

Brief bloopers and informal comments

Mel jokes about practicing gratitude when the world programs your mind and stumbles over some lines, indicating behind-the-scenes moments[54:34]

Legal clarification of the podcast's purpose

Mel reads a legal statement that the podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes[55:23]
She clarifies she is not a licensed therapist and the podcast is not a substitute for advice from a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional[55:37]

Lessons Learned

Actionable insights and wisdom you can apply to your business, career, and personal life.

1

Directing your attention toward what is going right is a deliberate act that can reprogram your brain away from a default of scanning for danger, criticism, and scarcity.

Reflection Questions:

  • • What do I currently tend to notice first in my day: what's wrong or what's working, and how does that affect my mood and decisions?
  • • How could intentionally listing three things that went well each night shift the way I interpret tomorrow's challenges?
  • • What is one daily cue (like brushing my teeth or getting into bed) that I can pair with a quick gratitude scan so it becomes automatic over time?
2

Writing about gratitude-especially in detail about specific people and moments-creates lasting mental health benefits by weakening the "stickiness" of negative experiences.

Reflection Questions:

  • • Who in my life have I been taking for granted that I could write a one-page unsent gratitude letter to this week?
  • • How might my relationship with a difficult person change if I forced myself to describe one concrete way they've supported me?
  • • What time each week could I consistently reserve for a short gratitude letter so that it actually happens rather than remaining a good idea?
3

Small, consistent gratitude practices can measurably affect your body-improving sleep, lowering stress and inflammation, and enhancing heart rate variability-without requiring major lifestyle changes.

Reflection Questions:

  • • Where in my evening routine could I realistically insert a three-minute gratitude journal without adding stress or complexity?
  • • How might my sleep and stress levels change over the next month if I treated a nightly gratitude practice like medicine for my nervous system?
  • • What physical signals (tension, headaches, restless sleep) could I track to see whether a simple gratitude habit is making a difference for me?
4

Embedding gratitude into existing communication channels-like text threads or team chats-subtly shifts group culture from transactional and stressed to connected and encouraging.

Reflection Questions:

  • • Which text thread or group chat in my life feels the most transactional, and how could I drop a genuine appreciation message into it today?
  • • How might my relationships at work or at home change if I made a habit of publicly acknowledging one person's contribution each week?
  • • What is one simple rule I could adopt (for example, one gratitude text per day) to make appreciation a visible part of my relationships?
5

Morning or evening rituals that focus on savoring small comforts (a pillow, a shower, a cup of tea) can anchor your nervous system in safety and gratitude before stressors flood in.

Reflection Questions:

  • • How do I currently start and end my day, and does that routine leave my mind feeling grounded or already on high alert?
  • • What is one tiny sensory detail (the feel of my sheets, the taste of coffee, the quiet of early morning) that I could consciously savor as a gratitude cue?
  • • When and where could I build a short, repeatable ritual that helps me feel my body and surroundings before I look at my phone or email?
6

The most powerful mindset tools are the ones you actually use; choosing a simple gratitude practice that fits your personality and schedule is more effective than aiming for a perfect one you abandon.

Reflection Questions:

  • • Which of the three tools (unsent letter, night journal, gratitude text) feels most natural to me given my current habits and time constraints?
  • • How could I lower the bar for success (for example, one letter a month instead of weekly) so that I build consistency instead of guilt?
  • • What will I do today to set up my chosen practice-such as placing a notebook by my bed or creating a dedicated gratitude text group-so it's easy to follow through?

Episode Summary - Notes by Devon

Try This Today: How to Use Gratitude to Feel Happier & Improve Your Relationships
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